JOSS WHEDON: ‘NEXT AVENGERS MOVIE WILL BE A NOVEL’

SAN DIEGO – Marvel have announced that the next Avengers movie will be a novel, Joss Whedon revealed at Comic Con today.

Joss Whedon spoke to a packed hall about his current projects and his changing relationship with Marvel:

This is a totally different approach to the cinema experience. We came to a conclusion that no one was really happy with what happened to Avengers: Age of Ultron, so we decided that the next time we were going to do it different and that’s where the idea of the novel came in.

As well as writing the novel, Whedon will be designing the cover:

After all, cinema is a visual medium so it’s important to have an attractive cover and twelve color illustrations. The audience will be given a copy of the novel as they enter the cinema. Then they’ll sit there and read it until they’re done. The 3D version will involve pop up illustrations and the IMAX experience will be available for the visually impaired. This is pushing technology in a way we haven’t seen since… I honestly don’t know.

The Avengers in the Rye will be released in 2019.

MARVEL BUY ROMANIA FOR FUTURE DESTRUCTION

HOLLYWOOD – Marvel have bought the European country of Romania in a deal worth $57 million and have slated the country for destruction some time in 2018.

Following the destruction of Sokovia in Avengers: Age of Ultron, Marvel have been on the look out for a new country to destroy in the hope of recreating the success of the Avengers film. A Marvel Studios insider spoke EXCLUSIVELY to the Studio Exec about how they zeroed in on Romania:

The destruction of Sokovia everyone agreed was a huge success. Yes we destroyed the country, but every single citizen of Sokovia was given a Blu-ray DVD of the Avengers and DVD of Captain America: Winter Soldier, so you can’t say fairer than that. The one problem was that it was quite expensive for us to do and the money was mainly wasted in retrospect. All the different permits and permissions we needed and then the tax breaks weren’t quite as inviting as we thought they would be.

I see.

The solution though was fairly simple. If we owned a country outright then we could pretty much do what we wanted with it. We originally thought of Lichtenstein, which is very small and manageable, but Tom Cruise already owns it and doesn’t want to sell. Then we thought of Great Britain. It’s got to be good, right? It’s in the name. But they’ve had a really bad experience with London Has Fallen and they don’t even want to talk. They’re still putting Big Ben back up.

So Romania?

Yeah. Romania was our Goldilocks moment. Just right. $57 million is on the low side I feel. I mean we paid that much for catering on Iron Man 3 and that was just Gwyneth Paltrow.

When can we expected to see Romania destroyed?

I think we’ll destroy it over a series of films, but I would like the new Doctor Strange movie to have the destruction of Romania, maybe not even as a conclusion, but a pre-credit sequence.

And the people of Romania?

Well, there’s a huge refugee crisis in Europe as you know. So we’ll just get those people to join that but they’ll all be wearing brand new Thor baseball caps and carrying copies of the Captain America: Civil War novelization in their new  Incredible Hulk fanny packs.

Doctor Strange will be released in 2018.

EXCLUSIVE: JOSS WHEDON’S MYSPACE PAGE

HOLLYWOOD – Joss Whedon returns to the social media circus with a new MySpace page.

The internet has been in mourning for two days since Joss Whedon militant feminist and Avengers Age of Ultron director abandoned twitter, but today our dedicated Joss Whedon FACT squad were able to reveal EXCLUSIVELY that he is in fact hiding on MySpace.

Our resident tech expert Sharron Pattern ate Cheetos and said:

My God, I haven’t seen one of these since the late nineties! The workmanship is beautiful. Looking at the ancient markings.

Can you tell us what it is Sharron?

It is an archaic social media platform from the very beginning of the internet. The actual origins are lost in the mists of time, but some say young people used to use this around the time the cuneiform alphabet was in use. Whedon has gone into the deep net. Possibly to avoid criticism, possibly as part of a new film project. We do know that there are Lovecraft-like horrors living in the lower depths of MySpace. Maybe he’s going for that.

Joss Whedon’s new film MySpace in the Woods will be released in 2016. 

Image courtesy of @ThePixelFactor

AVENGERS AGE OF ULTRON: REVIEW

AVENGERS AGE OF ULTRON: REVIEW – The Avengers return in Joss Whedon’s slick screwball comedy.

Crash, Bang, Wallop – what a picture! There’s wit – fan service – action scenes and other stuff, but to be honest I’m getting a bit tired of Marvel and superhero pictures in general. There’s nothing wrong with the picture. Far from it. The gang are back together and fighting Hydra in some snowy mittel-European Ruritania, providing The Avengers with a nice ‘elsewhere’ setting in some exciting punch ’em up scenes: the hero shot comes early! And then we have a glowing blue doo-hah which must be protected because it’s so powerful. But Tony Stark/Iron Man (Robert Downey Jr.) can’t help but fiddle with it in an attempt to create an artificial intelligence defense system which would effectively render the Avengers obsolete.  Oopsy-daisy! Ultron turns into a super villain intent on wiping out humanity.

Despite the clear intelligence of Whedon as a filmmaker, his actually characters are whoppingly stupid, none more so than the ‘genius’ Stark, who frankly gets off incredibly lightly for his potentially genocidal error. There’s some soap opera with the Hulk (Mark Ruffalo) and Black Widow (Scarlett Johansson). Thor (Chris Hemsworth) and Captain America (Chris Evans) grab some of the funniest lines, proving that occasionally it’s the straight men who can snatch the laughs when the self-knowing wit of RDJ grows wearisome. Elizabeth Olsen, Aaron Taylor-Johnson and Paul Bettany are new heroes, the former seems to be spending this phase of her career tripping through rubble (see also Godzilla).

So it’s fun and all that. But I can’t say I care as much as perhaps I’m led to believe by score etc. that I should. I don’t care about Hulk and Black Widow. I’m unconvinced by the moral conundrums, when no one seems to want to take responsibility for their actions. Doctor Banner is supposed to be the conscience of the group but after he wreaks havoc through a city center his only solution seems to be to run away. And perhaps I’m weighed down by the prospect of another two Russo brothers directed movies: The Avengers: Infinity Wars Parts One and Two, but I’m beginning to suffer from a genuine fatigue with this sort of thing, regardless of its quality. It’s going to go the way of the Western. There are simply too many and no matter how good an individual film might be – and this is a stand out entry – there are only so many times you can watch a city destroyed, a blue doo-dah purloined, a bunch of costumed sociopaths ruminate on morality before you begin to think it might be time for the whole sub-fascist circus to be wrapped up and put away.

For more Reviews CLICK HERE.

JEREMY RENNER CHRIS EVANS: FULL INTERVIEW TRANSCRIPT

HOLLYWOOD – It was an ordinary press junket for their new film Avengers: Age of Ultron, but for Jeremy Renner and Chris Evans it was about to become real.

Then the interviewer asked Captain America (Chris Evans) and Hawkeye (Jeremy Renner) what they thought of Black Widow (Scarlett Johansson) and the fact her character fell in love with another character (SPOILER) who was not their characters in a fictional universe. What happened next will blow your mind. Read the full interview transcript below:

Jeremy Renner: Well, obviously, I think it sucks. I mean I thought we – that is to say our fictional characters were close but it’s typical, isn’t it?

Chris Evans: Yes. I was hoping that we might get together. After all there aren’t many women in the Marvel universe and so for the rest of the time it’s one big sausage fest.

JR: In a way you could see that as part of the problem. Goddamned Bechdel test. If we didn’t have to have a woman in it, we could just all be men and there wouldn’t be this kind of conversation tearing us apart.

CE: I agree with Jeremy on this. Women just cause heartbreak and although I respect Scarlett as a fellow performer and a human being, I’d have to say that in general all women are horrible, conniving, duplicitous, actively evil people and the world would be a much better places if it was just men having men babies through their men holes.

Interviewer: (LAUGHING) Men holes?

JR: Hey Chris is serious, man. We talked about this on set and we all agree. If women could just like all go away. JOss did a great job of getting rid of Natalie Portman and Gwyneth Paltrow and I know there was a version of the script where Black Widow was on the wrong end of a HULK SMASH, but I don’t know what happened, it’s political correctness gone mad again I guess.

CE: Just think about it. All us men, with no women soiling the place with their menstrual cycles and boy band crushes. We could leave the toilet seat up.

JR: We could leave the toilet door open.

CE: We wouldn’t have to wear pants. We could just walk around with no pants on our junk swinging free. It’d be great.

Interviewer: You’re joking.

CE: NO! We are deadly serious. Women must be stopped.

JR: I wrote a letter.

CE: I love the way your mind works man.

JR: Thanks guy. I love you too.

Avengers Age of Ultron is in cinemas currently.

JOSS WHEDON PLEDGES UP-TO-DATE SEXISM

HOLLYWOOD- Joss Whedon has promised postmodern sexism in his new film Avengers: Age of Ultron, released world wide.

The Buffy the Vampire Slayer creator spoke exclusively with The Studio Exec:

If there’s one thing I hate in modern movies it’s when they have that lazy 70s sexism. I first noticed it in the clip we saw of Jurassic World but once you see it, it’s like f*cking beards, you see them everywhere. Chris Pratt is the force of nature and Dr. up-tight is needs a laminated itinerary to go on a date. There’ll be a scene later on where he takes her glasses off and unpins her hair to let it fall free. It’s crazy.

So you would stop sexism?

Oh God no. Are you high? Who would want that? No, we can’t stop it, we just have to update it. Look at my new film – competing directly with Jurassic World for publicity at the moment coincidentally – Avengers: Age of Ultron. It’s an amazing superhero adventure with a diverse cast including a white male billionaire, a white/green male scientist with anger issues, a white male archer and a white male Nordic looking thunder god and a hot chick with a fantastic ass. I mean you should see it.

But how is that not sexist?

Because it’s ironic and knowing.

A ha.

And Scarlett Johannson knows she’s sexy and she isn’t uptight or anything. She’s going yeah, I’m sexy but I’m also equal. And God, she scores well with all the demographic data we get.

That’s fantastic.

I know. Being sexist is fantastic and profitable. You just have to be clever and cast Scarlett Johansson or Gwyneth Paltrow. It won’t work with Megan Fox.

Avengers Age of Ultron will be released this week.

STEVE JOBS TO STAR IN AVENGERS AGE OF ULTRON

HOLLYWOOD – Former Apple chief and certified genius Steve Jobs will have role in Marvel’s Avengers Age of Ultron, Idris Elba revealed today.

Speaking EXCLUSIVELY to the Studio Exec, Elba confided:

I can’t say too much because I’m already in hot water with Joss Whedon and Kevin Feige for shooting my mouth off. However, if you promise not to tell anyone I can tell you about the surprise star of the film, Steve Jobs.

Wow!

Yeah. Steve has been taken up by Ultron (James Spader) and his death faked and he’s been helping Ultron and his plans for world and indeed inter-galactic domination.

Who plays Jobs?

What do you mean who plays Jobs? Jobs. It’s Steve Jobs. The actual guy.

I don’t understand.

Just the same way Ultron faked Steve’s death, so Kevin Feige and the cats at Marvel did the exact same thing for the real Jobs and now he’s paying them back by appearing in the latest Avengers. This will be the best resurrection since Jesus or at least Bobby Ewing.

That’s whack!

I know. But Marvel is now an all powerful organisation.

So Jobs is like an evil henchman?

At the beginning yes. He’s like the brainy guy, but what he really does is take all of Ultron’s original ideas and spins them from a design point of view and then takes all the credit. Like in the trailer when Ultron says ‘No strings on me’, Steve gives him that line. He is a branding genius.

How does Steve feel about Christian Bale pulling out of the Aaron Sorkin scripted biopic?

That was all Steve’s doing. You see he has always wanted to play himself in the film, so he would appear at Christian’s bedside every night growling and cursing until Bale gave in. Now Steve will appear, but for the sake of secrecy they’ll say it’s Daniel Day Lewis or Michael Fassbender. Steve’s psyched about the movie because he loves Seth Rogen.

Avengers Age of Ultron will be released in 2015.

 

5 FACTS WE LEARNED FROM THE AVENGERS AGE OF ULTRON TRAILER

HOLLYWOOD – The Avengers: Age of Ultron hit the internet and things went weird so the Studio Exec FACT SQUAD watched it 3 times and her are the 5 FACTS that they gleaned from the latest outing for the amazing and fantastic Avengers.

1. NoThundercats! Despite an article in this esteemed publication (click here fore that) it appears that the Thundercats might not be appearing in the new film, although it could simply be that the publicity machine wishes to keep Lion-o and Jaga in the pocket for a while longer. Allowing awesomeness to build.

2. Iron Man has got FAT! Tony Stark must have been putting away the pies and always asking for seconds because Iron Man looks seriously pudgy. This could be one of those hero-out-of-shape subplots like they did with Batman in the Dark Knight Rises. Or it might be a result of serious indulgence as it was for Chris Pratt following his Guardians of the Galaxy success (Click Here for more on that).

3. James Spader isn’t in it. Despite reports that James Spader would be playing Ultron, I couldn’t see him. So obviously Marvel have fired him and gone with some sort of computerized effigy that they don’t have to pay. Pity, as I like Spader.

4. Thor can’t hold onto his hammer (drops it) and Captain America can’t hold onto his shield (it’s broken) and Tony Stark has lost his sense of humor (possibly due to eating too much and having indigestion). That is to say, everyone’s getting old.

5. A city will be destroyed and people will stand around a traffic jammed road gaping at something in the middle and a bit up distance.

For more MOVIE FACTS Click Here.

AVENGERS: AGE OF ULTRON WILL FEATURE THE THUNDERCATS

HOLLYWOOD – It isn’t due out until 2015 but the sequel to the mega-successful Avengers is already lighting up the rumor bots across the Internets and one major news story has come to light: Avengers: Age of Ultron will meet up with the Thundercats.

Joss Whedon – long-time fan of the Japanese/American animated series from the 1980s – was initially involved in the feature film reboot which was put on indefinite hold last year, but with Marvel having published a series of comics based on the series, it seemed to Whedon that it would be a perfect fit. Lion-O and pals Cheetara, Panthro and Snarf humanoid feline aliens from the planet Thundera would it seems team up with Iron Man, Captain America, the Incredible Hulk, Thor, Jeremy Renner and Scarlett Johansson. Scarlett Johansson. Scarlett…

This also gives Marvel the opportunity of making a slew of stand alone films featuring the various Thundercats characters, the first of which – Lion-O – is likely to go into production later this year with Kenneth Branagh both starring and ‘directing’.

While some fans will moan and bitch about the series having absolutely nothing to do with each other and that this is woefully misguided violation of the integrity of what they call ‘the Marvel Universe’, Marvel studio heads have responded by making ca-ching noises and waving hundred dollar bills at fans while they drive past in their souped up Ferraris.

Avengers: Age of Ultron is due for release in 2015.

5 FACTS WE LEARNED FROM COMIC-CON

SAN DIEGO – The Comic-Con Convention continues to provide amazing copy, with some amazing news coming out for film and TV fans. Here’s what we have learned so far.

Continue reading “5 FACTS WE LEARNED FROM COMIC-CON”