CAMERON ANNOUNCES TITANIC 2, 3, 4 & 5

HOLLYWOOD – Avatar and Terminator director, James Cameron announces Titanic 2, 3, 4 & 5 will all go into production shortly. The news that James Cameron announces Titanic 2, 3, 4 & 5 means that he will be shooting movies for fifteen years. The Studio Exec caught up with the director on the set of his latest film, Avatar 4: Ably Obtaining The Unobtainable Unobtanium.

Where Did You Get The Idea For Titanic 2, 3, 4 & 5?

As you know, I’m not one for chasing money. Usually I abhor such lavish productions. But I was floating in my gigantic flooded underwater sound studio one day and Boom! I had a little idea. People pay a lot of money to watch any old shit. So I put 2 and 2 billion together and came up with an idea for a Titanic sequel. Actually, a whole fucking series of them.

Can You Tell Us Anything About The Plot?

Of course I can. I’m KING OF THE WORLD! We join marine biologist, Sarah Connor as she travels to the middle of the Atlantic Ocean. There she boards a submarine and joins an underwater oil drilling crew. Together, they will stumble across something that will shock everyone.

It’s Aliens, Isn’t It?

Yeah, but not nice watery ones. These ones come in big slimy eggs. Guess what happens then? Go on, guess. You’ll never get it.

If You Say Chestburster, James Cameron, So Help Me I’m Leaving.

No, I wasn’t going to say that at all. I don’t know what you’re talking about.

Don’t Lie To The Exec, James. You’re Full Of Shit.

Honest! I wasn’t going to say that.

Ok Then. My Apologies. Please Continue.

These killer robots are sent back in time to kill Leonardo DiCaprio, Kate Winslet and Sarah Connor. And then-

 

This Interview Is Over.

Avatar: The Way Of Water Is Released This Coming December.

WARNER DC ANNOUNCE JAMES CAMERON TO DIRECT BATMEN

HOLLYWOOD – Warner DC have announced a new film called Batmen that will tie up all the different versions of Batman currently in production.

The new film, Batmen as announced by Warner DC, will finally see Robert Pattinson’s Batman share the screen with Ben Affleck, Michael Keaton and Christian Bale, directed by Mr. Titanic James Cameron.

A Warner insider told us:

We have so many Batman incarnations in production at the moment that we figured, why the hell not? So we just threw them all on the table. Then we drove trucks of money up to Pattinson, Affleck, Keaton and Bale’s homes and magically, they agreed. Because Batman is so popular, there’s no way we can lose money on this one. Just imagine all of the toys.

James Cameron is on board and is very excited:

This will be the start of what we are proud to call ‘The Batverse’. If that crap can work for Spiderman and those oh so colourful people at Marvel, then why can’t it work for us? It’ll be like The Odd Couple, but in a Batcave and four of them instead of two, but you get the idea. Affleck will be like Walter Matthau but in a cape and cowl, he’ll be the big burly, grumpy one. Keaton will be like Jack Lemmon, always trying to tidy up all the Batarangs left lying around. Pattinson will be like their kid, or something and Bale will just hang around in the shadows, shouting, ‘Where is she?!’

The cast is impressive. “We’ve also bought the rights to Adam West’s voice work on Family Guy and he’ll play the voice of the Bat Computer,” said Cameron. “We’ll have Joaquin Phoenix wheeling Jack Nicholson around and Jared Leto will just post boxes of shit to everyone. Two Face will now be Four Face with Aaron Eckhart and Tommy Lee Jones looking like Zaphod Beeblebrox. This thing writes itself.”

Cameron promised to work on the film just as soon as his latest Avatar film is released. 

Batmen goes into production in 2030.

ABBA TO STAR IN AVATAR SEQUEL

HOLLYWOOD – Abba today revealed that they will star in James Cameron’s Avatar sequels.

Abba have announced that they have written and recorded their first new songs since they split in 1982 for the James Cameron film Avatar 2 and they intend to star in all the Avatar films, however many they may be.

The Swedish four-piece, who had nine No 1 hits in the UK between 1974 and 1980, and who have sold hundreds of millions of records worldwide, announced on Instagram that they will play in the Avatar movies.

The band said in a statement: “The decision to go ahead with the exciting Abba avatar project came about after a chance meeting with James Cameron at the bottom of the Mariana Trench. He wanted us to record the theme song. So we did. And it was like time had stood still and we had only been away on a short holiday. An extremely joyful experience!”

One of the two new songs that resulted, I Still Have Faith in You, will feature in the movie.

The statement concluded: “We may have come of age, but the song is new. And it feels good.”

Abba’s Björn Ulvaeus said that the band had been digitally scanned and “de-aged” to look like they did in 1979, when the band performed their third and final tour.

“We just can’t wait to get to Pandora,” said Bjorn.

Avatar 2, 3, 4 and 5 will be released on Tuesday.

NEW AVATAR MOVIE TO BE RELEASED THE DAY AFTER YOU DIE

HOLLYWOOD – James Cameron announces the release date for Avatar 2 to be: the day after you die.

The sequel to blockbusting sci-fi epic Avatar finally gets a release date. James Cameron in an EXCLUSIVE interview with The Studio Exec talks Avatar sequels.

We’ve been working on Avatar non-stop since we wrapped on the first one. But the concepts are just so big. The entire world we want to create with Pandora is so ambitious. Sometimes I think that getting into this whole thing has been like opening a Pandora’s b… oh wait that’s good. I’ve never thought of that before.

So you have the release dates?

Yes, provisionally yes. We’re planning to release the films the day after you die.

What?

Absolutely. It’s a new release model. Experimental in its way but I think you’ll agree astonishing.

You’re so innovative.

I know.

So I’ll never see it because I’m dead. Is that it?

Yes. And that’s true for everybody.

One question.

Shoot.

Will Sam Worthington be in it?

Yes.

Okay. Then I’m good. 

Gotcha.

Avatar 2 will be released the day after you die.

JAMES CAMERON CALLED SEXIST AFTER CLAIMING WONDER WOMAN SHOULD HAVE BEEN MORE FEMINIST

HOLLYWOOD – Avatar and Titanic director, James Cameron received widespread criticism after claiming Wonder Woman should have been more feminist.

It’s an odd state of affairs. On the one hand, it looks like mansplaining on a Titanic scale, which has seen James Cameron thrown into an Abyss of opprobrium. But the actual comments he made seemed like a valid response. He stated in an interview with British newspaper The Guardian:

All of the self-congratulatory back-patting Hollywood’s been doing over Wonder Woman has been so misguided. She’s an objectified icon, and it’s just male Hollywood doing the same old thing! I’m not saying I didn’t like the movie but, to me, it’s a step backwards. Sarah Connor was not a beauty icon. She was strong, she was troubled, she was a terrible mother, and she earned the respect of the audience through pure grit.

As galling as it can be to have an older geezer telling a female director what she should have done with a female character, her response talks more about how the audience – specifically women – react to the character, rather than the depiction of the character herself. Here it is in full:

patty Jenkins

Audience react to it, so it must be good is an argument, but it isn’t necessarily a strong one. I loved Wonder Woman and I think it still had problems. Ultimately, there’s always going to be debate about objectification of female characters which often comes down to intention and literally point of view. The male gaze stuff isn’t as popular as it once was, as a theory. And here we should note that a Marvel comic book movie isn’t some auteur-led vision of the director alone.  So all this is just to say we shouldn’t shut down debate quite so quickly. We’re not Aliens, snapping about like Piranhas, waiting for some Judgement Day to come. We’re human beings try to work out how best to deal with each other via the Avatar of art.

James Cameron will release Avatar 2, 3, 4, 5 and 6 subsequently.

JAMES CAMERON TO ABANDON CGI AND 3D FOR AVATAR SEQUELS

HOLLYWOOD – James Cameron has announced that he will be abandoning CGI and 3D for the Avatar sequels.

Terminator director James Cameron wowed fans earlier this week with the news that he is to write and direct 416 Avatar sequels, but today he also clarified that he would be making a break with the first film by abandoning CGI and 3D for the new movies.

James Cameron spoke with the Studio Exec EXCLUSIVELY:

I want the new Avatar films to stand on their own and be different, not just a rerun of the original Avatar. I re-watched my director’s cut recently as a way of preparing for the new films and the one thing I took away was the CGI and 3D were just distracting. Half the time it looked like I was watching a cartoon. I want something more real and gritty for the new films. I’ve been watching the Dardennes brothers quite a lot.

But surely it will be impossible to recreate Pandora without using green screens?

Far from it. There’s some really good locations in Canada that at a snip can look very much like Pandora.

How will you deal logistically with making 416 films? Won’t you … how can I put this … die at some point?

I know what you mean. Yes, of course if I made 416 films even back to back I would probably be way too old towards the end. That’s why we’ve decided to film all 416 films concurrently. And Sam Worthington, despite being accidentally deleted two years ago, will be back and better than ever. Sam Worthington 2.0.

Avatar will be out every year for the next four hundred and sixteen years.

JAMES CAMERON ANNOUNCES 416 NEW AVATAR SEQUELS

HOLLYWOOD – James Cameron announces a grand total of 416 Avatar sequels to his 2009 classic Science Fiction adventure.

Speaking at Comicon on Thursday, James Cameron stunned fans by announcing that they would be returning to Pandora once more for 416 new Avatar sequels. Cameron told a slack-jawed audience:

I have so many stories to tell and they all require advanced CGI technology, 3D, insipid characters and patchy dialogue. There’s only one place that I can get all those things and that’s in Pandora.

Cameron denied basing his ideas on the recent success of the Marvel and Star Wars franchises:

Star what? No, I’ve never seen them. I’m not interested in following other people. I just want to make my own films and occasionally chug around in a little submarine. And before you ask, yes, it’s yellow.

Cameron also offered some detail:

The first film will be Avatar: Assemble and then I plan four hundred films, each one an ‘anthology’ film – my word – following an individual member of the tribe of the Av’i.

Isn’t it the Nav’i?

Seriously, who gives a fuck? The important thing is Sam Worthington has been rebooted and Zoe Saldana will return also.

Avatar 2-416 will be released in 2019.

PANDORA SHOOT IN DOUBT FOR AVATAR 2

HOLLYWOOD – Pandora is in crisis as James Cameron threatens to move Avatar 2 shoot to Canada.

Part of the reason James Cameron’s Avatar was so successful was its wonderful location, the planet of Pandora. However, escalating instability on the planet plus high shooting costs means that James Cameron and his crew may well not return to the planet for Avatar 2 but will instead but shooting the film in Canada.

An insider to the production told the Studio Exec EXCLUSIVELY:

Ideally we’d love to be on Pandora. The planet gives you so much. 360 degrees of lush vegetation, the colors, everything. But the fact of the matter is it has very little infrastructure, the logistics of simply getting there are a nightmare and then you have the pull of some very generous tax credits on the Canadian side.

Star Sam Worthington has said in the past that he was very close to Pandora and even accepted honorary citizenship there last year, which explained his absence from the world of filmmaking as the round journey takes two years. Worthington released a statement saying:

To my understanding the decision has not yet been finalized and I would hope that there is some solution which will see us shoot in Pandora which is a unique location. Not only is it wonderful for the film, but the Pandorans have a vibrant culture and a wonderful sense of humor. Those guys keep telling me they have this box they want to show me, but they never let me open it. It’s hilarious!

James Cameron was unavailable to comment as he is believed to be currently located in his underwater lair in the Marianas Trench.

Avatar 2 will be released in 2018.

HIDDEN GEMS 2. 2001: A SPACE ODYSSEY

Hidden Gems is a series bringing to light little known filmic gems and rarities that have somehow managed to slip through the collective cinematic consciousness. You’re welcome. 

2001: a Space Odyssey

I know what you’re thinking: 1. I don’t like historical drama and 2. I hate classical Greek literature about assholes who take twenty odd years to navigate the Mediterranean.

But surprisingly you’d be wrong on both counts. Stanley Kubrick’s 2001: A Space Odyssey is actually what they call a ‘Science Fiction’ film which was made in 1968 when 2001 was still in the future!

And it’s in English with no lost Greeks in sight!

Okay, so that’s why not to hate this little known cult treasure but in a world where you can watch Transformers again or Avatar, why waste your time on some old clunk bucket made before CGI was invented. Well, it’s a tough one but here goes.

1. Monkeys: film starts with monkeys and you can’t get much better than that.

2. Soundtrack: not only is the music sublime, there’s the greatest version of ‘Daisy, Daisy, give me an answer do’ ever committed to celluloid.

3. A big mad brick. The story resolves around these big black bricks which basically pop up when Mr.s Kubrick and Arthur C. Clarke get bored.

4. ‘Woah shit!’ bit at the end where it just goes disco biscuits all over the screen. The cinematic equivalent of spassing out and not giving a shit.

5. Zero gravity toilet. Stanley Kubrick had a one joke limit on each film and this one’s a ‘cracker’.

So to recap: a big mad brick teaches vegetarian monkeys how to eat meet, accidentally starts the arms race so another mad brick sends a bunch of astronauts to Jupiter where, after mad computer kills all but one, survivor crashes through another mad brick and grows so old he becomes a great big baby.

Magic!

For more Hidden Gems CLICK HERE.

JAMES CAMERON TALKS AVATAR SEQUELS

HOLLYWOOD – James Cameron has been talking exclusively to Studio Exec about his Avatar sequels due to start filming later this year and will – he confirmed – be filmed in 125 FPS ‘as a kind of fuck you to Peter Jackson’.

‘So the Avatar sequels?’ James Cameron leans back in his chair and says:
When we did the first film, I was really inspired by Kevin Costner’s work in Dances with Wolves. I remember seeing that film and thinking how much better it would have been if it had been in 3D, on another planet and most everyone had been blue. So when I sat down to start my script on A2 I figured let’s got to the well again.

So can you give us any details?

Well, let’s just say that we’re on Pandora again with Jake (played by Sam Worthington), but now he’s down on his luck. Neytiri (played by Zoe Saldana), on the other hand, has actually become a really famous pop star – they now have pop as part of their culture – anyways, she’s a famous pop star and ironically it turns out that Jake becomes her phantteeveezi or what we call a ‘bodyguard’.

Wow. That’s kind of similar to…

I know, I know. Isn’t it great? But everyone’ll be blue and it’ll be in 3D and on Pandora.

And there are rumours you’re prepping Avatar 3, is that true?

Yeah, we want to film them back to back for budgetary reasons. We haven’t completed the script but I already have a treatment for A3. I don’t want to give away any spoilers.

Okay but broadly?

Well, Jake’s a bit older. And he now works as a lawyer. When the Na’vi President J’ohn Fi’rld Knn’di is assassinated, Jake begins to suspect a conspiracy.

Don’t you worry Kevin Costner might sue you?

No, Kevin’s a sweet guy and dumb as a stump. Did you see Tin Cup? Sheez. 

Avatars will be released in 2017.

JOHN CONNOR SENT BACK IN TIME TO DESTROY TERMINATOR SEQUELS

HOLLYWOOD – James Cameron announced today that he had sent John Connor back in time to destroy a number of Terminator sequels.

The sequels Terminator 3: Rise of the Machines, the Sarah Connor Chronicles and Terminator Salvation will all be destroyed by Connor, James Cameron stated.

Things have gone to far and they’ve gotten way too complicated. The original film was a blast and it had a lot of stuff I was very proud of. Then Terminator 2: Judgement Day took it to another level. The best film in my opinion. Arnold Schwarzenegger has never been better and Linda Hamilton and the story actually had something interesting to say. But then we got to the third one. I didn’t direct it myself and the result was frankly substandard and then things really started to go south.

According to the Avatar director, the mission will see Connor meeting Cameron in the past and either persuading him to forego the ancillary rights or killing him.

With the sequels all gone, the new film Terminator Genisys might just make some sense.

But surely that will create a paradox?

What do you mean?

Well, if they succeed in killing you, then you won’t be able to send John Connor back to stop you from… you see?

F*ck, I have to get Arnie on the phone tout suite! Thanks Exec.

Terminator: Genisys will be released or not in the FUTURE!

JAMES CAMERON TO SCRIPT CROUCHING TIGER HIDDEN DRAGON 2

HOLLYWOOD – Avatar genius James Cameron is to script the sequel to Ang Lee’s hit kung-fu movie: Crouching Tiger Hidden Dragon 2.

The Titanic director, who is currently hard at work on Avatar 2 and 3, took time out of his busy schedule to talk EXCLUSIVELY to the Studio Exec about his work on the project:

I’m very good friends with Ang Lee ever since on the eve of my expedition to the bottom of the Mariana Trench he sent me a good luck card with a picture of Nemo from the movie Finding Nemo. And inside he wrote ‘I hope you find your Nemo!’ It was really one of the most thoughtful things I’ve ever received. I mean I don’t have a lot of friends.

How did that lead to you working on the script?

Well, I got to thinking about the film when we watched the original over Christmas last year and so I wrote a spec sequel. This is something I often do. That’s how I got the original job on Aliens. I wrote the script and just gave it to Walter Hill. And I got the gig. Before that I wrote a prequel to Jaws. My version is called Jaw.

What happens in the film?

It is essentially similar to the first film in that a sword is stolen and the hero and his longtime friend, who he wants to be his girlfriend, but who he can’t because he’s like a monk or something, anyway they have to retrieve the stolen sword. But in this movie we decided to repair what I saw as an essential flaw in Ang’s version. We’re going to actually have Dragons and Tigers and loads of them. Sure they’ll be some crouching and some hiding, but in Ang Lee’s version there was so much hiding I didn’t even see the Goddamn dragon. And I can only assume the tiger was crouching behind the dragon!

Crouching Tigers Hidden Dragons will be released in 2016.

AVATAR SEQUELS TO BE IN 1D

MARIANA TRENCH – James Cameron has revealed today that the Avatar sequels – provisionally entitled Avatar 2, Avatar 3, and Avatar 4 – will be released in 1D, a revolutionary new viewing experience which is utterly deprived of depth and nuance.

Former King of the World James Cameron could hardly contain his excitement speaking about the new technology:

With the first film we almost got there and I have to give Sam Worthington all the credit. The man is so one dimensional a performer, he has to be genuinely careful when he walks over grating.

What are the benefits of this new viewing experience? 

It means there is no clutter of depth. People who already have problems with depth perception will find the new films easy to watch. The plot if shallow, the characters have no interiority – they’re basically cardboard cut outs of generic types – and any political subtext is actually just out and out text.

Amazing! 

Isn’t it? The story will be predictable and the special effects will be so-so. It’s going to be fantastic.

So why have you abandoned 3D?

3D was always supposed to be a joke (Click Here for that story). I was always surprised and then more than a little embarrassed when it had such a big effect, but I didn’t take into account the ludicrous price hike that it would bring in. 

And following Avatar, what are your plans?

That will take us a long way into the future but after that I really want to change direction. And I’ve been talking with the studio about directing a sequel to Spielberg’s Schindler’s List. My script is already done.

Avatar 2, Avatar 3 and Avatar 4 will be released in 2015, 2016 and 2017 and Schindler’s Lists will be released in 2018.

SAM WORTHINGTON DELETED

HOLLYWOOD – The film industry was in mourning today as news came in that ‘actor’ Sam Worthington had been deleted, when the memory stick he was stored on was accidentally/on  purpose snapped by Avatar director James Cameron.

Sam Worthington was initially written as company for S1mone the star of the eponymous 2002 Andrew Nichols film starring Al Pacino. When S1mone committed suicide a year later, James Cameron took custody of Worthington and a friendship began. Although Worthington was too artificial an intelligence to act convincingly with other humans, he was perfect in Avatar. However, as his star rose, he insisted on being treated like a real human being and even tried his hand at roles such as Perseus in the Clash of the Wrath of the Titans and A Man on a Ledge. Despite these brave attempts, Worthington never quite got the emotional depth required for playing human beings. 

Despite the fact that James Cameron has claimed to have purposefully destroyed Worthington (Click Here for that story), other sources told the Studio Exec that Cameron sat down when had the memory stick in his back pocket and broke it with his ass.

Avatar 2 will be out in 2017.