The Studio Exec has received an e-mail from an anonymous source claiming the NSA has activated its secret Terminator programme in order to silence project PRISM whistle blower Edward Snowdon.
“I think the world has a right to know what’s going on,” said the source.
The fact is that James Cameron’s The Terminator was based on a real covert experiment to manufacture time travelling assassins. Lee Harvey Oswald was the original prototype: he was a soldier and volunteered for the role. They told him he was going to be Captain America but in reality, he ended up like Doctor Doom.
The source went on to say that the Terminator has been knocking on hotel room doors in Hong Kong asking if Edward Snowdon is in.
Unfortunately his Googletranslate chip has malfunctioned so he can’t understand Chinese which has already led to the death of a number of innocent civilians.
Snowdon is believed to be aware of the threat and is now rumoured to be located close to a hydraulic press and a lake of molten metal. However President Barack Obamaclaims the former agent has nothing to fear.
I just want to talk to Mr Snowden. If he wants to meet me in Starbucks to have a coffee and a chat then let’s do it. I know a good one in Guantanamo Bay and I’m more than willing to fly him over there for free.
A mysterious laptop discovered on the London Underground is rumoured to contain documents which suggest that respected actress Marcia Gay Harden is a trained assassin currently working for the Central Intelligence Agency.
The documents allege that Gay Harden (who is known in international spy circles by the codename ‘Busty Fox’) is responsible for the premature death of several renown dictators including Anwar Sadat and Nicolea Ceausescu.
‘There is such a wealth of information regarding Gay Harden’s activities over the previous four decades it’s difficult to know were to start,’ said MI6 spokesman Roger Dalton.
‘From what we have gathered so far she was recruited by Peter Falk sometime in the mid 70’s. We’d known since the late 50’s that Falk was an agent. Some people believe he was the original man on the grassy knoll and I’m probably not supposed to tell you this, but do you know his series Columbo? Well, those were real crimes he was solving made to look like a TV show. It was a conspiracy by the Hollywood studio owners to protect their stars. Ricardo Montalban for example. He really did murder a bullfighter!’
Dalton went on to reveal that Harden spent three years in a Mossad training camp in Tel Aiv learning her bloody trade before returning to the US and going undercover as a jobbing actress. Dalton continued:
She’s one of the worlds most dangerous women to be sure. Rumor has it she killed a corrupt Liberian businessman with a snickers bar but Marcia isn’t the only name that appears in the files. I don’t want to reveal too much but let’s just say I’d think twice about approaching Ellen Barkin on a dark night.