FIRST LOOK AT SMOKEY AND THE BANDIT REMAKE

HOLLYWOOD – The Studio Exec EXCLUSIVELY reveals the first sneak peek of Joaquin Phoenix in the new Smokey and the Bandit remake.

They’ve planned a Smokey and the Bandit remake for years. But only now does it look like an actual movie is going into production. A director has finally signed on and a cast is coming together. The first English language film by acclaimed Turkish director Nuri Bilge Ceylan promises to be a hit. He’s famous for the action packed Once Upon a Time in Anatolia and Winter’s Sleep. He told the Exec:

I’m stoked. Smokey and the Bandit was a huge hit in Turkey. Except it was called The Mustache Goes Manly.

The Smokey and the Bandit Ride Again will also star Joaquin Phoenix as the Bandit originally played by Burt Reynolds. It will also feature comedy actor as Charlie Sheen fill in fame Ashton Kutcher as Cletus.

The official synopsis reads thus:

The Bandit agrees to come out of retirement to help his friend Cletus ferry a truckload of illegal Mexican immigrants across the border and through Arizona. Sheriff Buford T. Justice (John Goodman), however, knows that they are coming. When a runaway nun, Carrie (Elizabeth Olsen), hitches a ride all sorts of thrills and spills, chases and crashes and mishaps are promised… nay guaranteed!

Considered an affectionate reboot of the Burt Reynolds’ 1977 classic, the new film promises to be Fast and Furious meets The Hangover.

Smokey and the Bandit Rides Again will be released in December, 2020.

Image courtesy of @ThePixelFactor.

MICHAEL FASSBENDER IN WHAT HAPPENS IN VEGAS REMAKE

HOLLYWOOD – Following his new take on Ashton Kutcher’s Steve Jobs, the first poster for Michael Fassbender’s new version of the Kutcher classic What Happens in Vegas has hit the internet.

You have to admire his nerve. Michael Fassbender is making good on his promise to remake every Ashton Kutcher film with himself in the roles that many believed the Kutch had made definitively his own. The second remake What Happens in Vegas has already finished filming and a poster featuring Fassbender and co-star Cameron Diaz has already been released.  The 2008 was a critical and commercial smash firmly cementing Diaz and Kutcher in the minds of the cinema-going public as a new Katherine Hepburn and Spencer Tracy of comedy. Although Fassbender has called co-star Cameron Diaz in to reprise her role of career girl Joy, who marries playboy Jack Fuller (Kutcher/Michael Fassbender) in a drunken stupor, director Michael Vaughan has been replaced by Fassbender favourite Andrea Arnold.

Fassbender came into the Studio Exec bungalow to talk about his obsession:

What Andrea brings to the project is a woman’s perspective and I thought this was very important. I love the way Cameron Diaz plays her role in the original and I didn’t want to change a thing about that. Neither do I want to diverge overly from Ashton’s masterful interpretation. HIs lightness of touch, his subtlety, the nuances, the line readings, his over the shoulder reaction shots. Look at the poster. Just the way he has that grin and he points at Cameron as if to say ‘I know, right!’ it is possibly the biggest challenge of my career to go up against that. At least with Steve Jobs I could pretend I was interested in the real Steve Jobs, but here it was undiluted Kutcher.

What do you bring that is different to the role?

Nothing at all. Jesus Christ, are you high? I want to imitate Ashton down to the smallest particular. The details. This is a loving reproduction, not a reinterpretation. How would I ever have the gall to do that?

What Happens in Vegas will be released in 2016.

Image courtesy of @ThePixelFactor.

MICHAEL FASSBENDER TO REMAKE ALL OF ASHTON KUTCHER’S MOVIES

HOLLYWOOD – Michael Fassbender revealed today that he is going to devote his career to remaking all of Ashton Kutcher’s movies.

The move comes after Michael Fassbender starred in Danny Boyle’s Steve Jobs, the remake of Ashton Kutcher’s 2013 movie Jobs. Speaking EXCLUSIVELY to the Studio Exec via Skype, Fassbender had this to say:

Every actor has an inspirational figure – for De Niro it was Brando, or DiCaprio it’s De Niro and for Johnny Depp it’s Cesar Romero. Well, for me it’s Ashton Kutcher. Ever since I was a young boy growing up in Ireland, I would watch That 70s Show and marvel. Ever since then I’ve always been a little behind him and he has guided me like a Pole Star of acting. Dude Where’s My Car, The Butterfly Effect, My Boss’s Daughter, every film he did, I would be sitting at the front of the cinema with a notepad and a biro jotting everything down furiously. So when I got the opportunity to play Jobs, I obviously wondered if I could handle it. But I remembered that Hunter S. Thompson had typed The Great Gatsby out in its entirety so as to channel his hero. I figured I’d do the same with Ashton.

Amazing!

I know. And the next thing is though, I’m addicted. I’m not sure I got it all right and I want to do it again.

Another Steve Jobs film?

No. Obviously no. I want to remake another Kutcher movie. I’m thinking Personal Effects or Just Married. It’s only a pity that Two and a Half Men has finished or I could have appeared in that as a recurring character. Maybe Ashton’s long lost twin brother or something.

What Happens in Vegas will be released in 2016.

FIRST LOOK AT MICHAEL FASSBENDER AS STEVE JOBS

HOLLYWOOD – Many were bemused by the casting of Michael Fassbender as Steve Jobs in the new Danny Boyle directed biopic of the Apple ‘genius’, but doubters are eating their words.

The Studio Exec can reveal the first look at Michael Fassbender as Jobs in the classic pose that also graced the cover of the Walter Isaacson biography that was published shortly following Steve Jobs’ death.

Resident Jobs expert Xavier Poulis had this to say:

It’s uncanny. I mean Michael Fassbender doesn’t normally look anything like Steve Jobs, but here in this first picture he is almost like a creepy doppelganger, perfectly mimicking not only the IT genius’ pose but his eyes, his ears, his nose, his hair line and his turtle neck sweater. Move over Daniel Day Lewis, sit down Christian Bale, shut up Robert De Niro: there’s a new actor capable of extreme physical transformation on the block and his name is Michael Fassbender.

Author Isaacson was flabbergasted at the transformation of the Irish/German actor into the whiz kid of tech valley. A close friend of the writer said:

It almost looks as if you’ve just taken a picture of Steve Jobs and you’re just saying it’s Michael Fassbender, when actually it’s still a picture of Steve Jobs. Utterly amazing! What an actor!

Scripted by Aaron Sorkin and produced by Scott Rudin, the production went through a lengthy development process with many actors vying for the lead role, even as criticism was heaped on the film for even daring to challenge Ashton Kutcher’s magisterial performance in the made for TV movie Jobs.

Steve Jobs will be released in 2016.

 

TRUE DETECTIVE 2 CASTING CONFIRMED

HOLLYWOOD – Last night, Nic Pizzolato confirmed True Detective 2 will star Ashton Kutcher, John Cryer and Angus T. Jones.

Pizzolato explained his decision:

What we have here is the whole package. They’ve worked together before, plumbing the dark obsidian heart of the American family in Two and a Half Men. And with Angus T. Jones we have exactly they kind of loopy Christianity which is perfect for the character. 

It has already been confirmed that the characters for the Second Season will be totally different from the first season. And the setting of the show will also have changed. 

We are in California now. Not Los Angeles, but the less known California. Disneyland, Sacramento, the Big Sur. Places like that. And the story is all about the dark mythos of the lurking deities of the mouse which haunts the Californian hinterlands of the swirling psychosphere.  

 True Detective 2 returns in 2015.

ANGUS T. JONES REFUSES TO GROW A DECENT BEARD

COLORADO – Former child star of uber-popular sitcom Two and a Half Men where he played the hilarious half, Jake Harper, Angus T. Jones has once more shocked the world with a statement in which he explicitly refuses to grow a decent beard.

His statement reads:

It is against my Christian beliefs which I hold very close to my heart to grow a proper man bush. This scraggly pubic horror that you see lingering here beneath my nose and mouth is a sign that I am not pray to the vanity that currently disgusts me and any right minded Christian folk. If the Lord wishes to remove this abomination from my face, then he in his Almighty goodness could do so with even the lightest of breezes. That breeze is yet to come.

Many have criticized Charlie Sheen for encouraging the young actor, but blame has also fallen on Ashton Kutcher who has a record of sporting less than totally convincing facial herbage.  Mr. Kutcher could not be reached as he is currently engaged to marry Mila Kunis and, well…

Christian groups however have also come out and criticized Jones. Pastor Hampton, a theologian of mustaches, beards, whiskers and goatees told Studio Exec:

Mr. Jones is being very restrictive in his reading of the Bible. Although Leviticus does state ‘Lo! Bless the growth upon thy chops be it never so scrawny and look not away at another man’s beard with envy’. But we know for a FACT that Moses and Noah had beards. And we’re talking Sequoias in comparison to Angus’ butt fluff. And were they not holy men?

 However Jones is unrepentant and his sect – Church of the Barefaced Jesus – is also fully supportive. ‘It is a fact,’ said the head of the sect Barney Stump. ‘That our Lord Christ is depicted in the earliest renderings as a bare faced youth. The beard was only added by the Byzantines later, where a beard was a symbol of kingship.’

If you have a view on Angus T. Jones’ beard please use the comment box below to leave your thought droppings.  

ASHTON KUTCHER AND MILA KUNIS’ PUBLICISTS TO WED

HOLLYWOOD – It’s the romance of the year: Esquire‘s Sexiest Woman in the Universe Mila Kunis is getting hitched to the ex-Mr. Demi Moore Ashton Kutcher, but before then Leslie Ann Zola and Alan Shepperton – Mr. Kutcher’s and Ms. Kunis’ publicists respectively – are also going to tie the knot.

Shepperton explained:

Ashton and Mila have been spending a lot of time together and for busy and fantastically successful film stars that means we have to organise their schedules to make that happen. This in turn meant that myself and Ms. Zola were also spending a lot of time together, phoning, emailing, lunching and, I’m happy, to say having vigorous athletic sex that was wonderful for both of us and very exciting.

The engagement was announced in the press kit for the upcoming Kunis/Kutcher betrothal. Mila Kunis described the happy coincidence as ‘super neat’:

This way we’ll be like a gang. They would have had to spend quite a lot of time coordinating our stuff anyway and now they can do it from the same premises and downsize their staff, while passing on those savings to us.

 The ceremony is to take place at an undisclosed location in Malibu and will be attended by high-powered entertainment professionals such as Angelina Jolie’s publicist, Alec Baldwin’s publicist, Cate Blanchett’s publicist and Ben Stiller’s publicist. 

Ms. Zola’s ex-husband Demi Moore’s publicist has given his blessing and is also expected to attend. 

PUNK’D: ASHTON KUTCHER AND DEMI MOORE NOT REALLY DIVORCING

HOLLYWOOD – We only have ourselves to blame. Ashton Kutcher and Demi Moore – the romance of the millennium, the fairy story that look set to end in acrimony and scandal – will actually continue.

The separation and divorce announced and filed December 2012, has turned out to be yet another elaborate gag on the part of the irrepressible Ashton Kutcher.

‘Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha,’ said Mr. Kutcher to the three journalists who turned up to the press conference. ‘HA! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. Phew. There, now you’ve been Punk’d by the master perhaps (and this is the serious point me and Demi wanted to make) you won’t be so quick to gloat at the failing of a celebrity marriage between an Amazonian beauty and a youngster who’s famous for pretty much nothing.’ 

The fake separation was greet with expressions of joy also by Ms. Moore’s ex, Bruce Willis, who found out about it when he turned up to Demi Moore’s house with a huge bouquet of flowers, a diamond re-engagement ring and champagne on ice. ‘Oh…’ he said, with a small choking sound. ‘That’s wonderful. And funny. I suppose. Does anyone know where the nearest bar is from here?’ 

3 Other Famous Kutcher Japes

1. Convincing everyone that abstemious book worm Charlie Sheen was actually a wild party animal, Kutcher through hacking Sheen’s phone managed to create an impression of such staggering instability that Sheen was booted off his incredibly successful sit-com Two and a Half Men. To make it even funnier, he was replaced by … Ashton Kutcher! HA!

2.  During the filming of The Guardian, he convinced Kevin Costner that the film was actually about the British newspaper The Guardian and Costner spent six months in their London offices doing research which proved useless when it came to filming the scenes as a Coast Guard rescue swimmer. 

3. Prior to filming Jobs Kutcher told everyone he had read the script when as a matter of fact he still hasn’t. 

Demi Moore and Ashton Kutcher will be divorcing again next week for anyone who missed it.  

PATTON OSWALT TO WRITE TWITTER MOVIE

HOLLYWOOD – Patton Oswalt has been confirmed as the writer of the much talked about Twitter movie. David Fincher will direct and Simon Pegg and Ashton Kutcher are already confirmed as protagonists the Twit twins. 

The inveterate tweeterer wrote a letter in longhand (!) to express his pleasure:

I first heard about the Twitter movie when Ridley Scott was on board and Russell Crowe was attached and I thought, ‘That’s going to be rubbish. I mean seriously? A film about Twitter? Rubbish.’ But then Ridley Scott left the project to concentrate on Monopoly and Russell Crowe was replaced by Simon Pegg and Asthon Kutcher, and David Fincher came in and he contacted me and offered me a lot of money, I thought, ‘A movie about Twitter that’s a fantastic idea!’

The casting is already under way with Pegg and Kutcher joined by Jack Black who be playing the villainous whale who the little birds have to carry around whenever Twitter isn’t working. However, there will be a lot more casting news as Patton Oswalt has promised that Twitter: the Movie will include 140 characters, no less.

Twitter: the Movie will be released in 2015.  

ASHTON KUTCHER AND JUDI DENCH TO MARRY

 

HOLLYWOOD – Jobs star and ex-Mr Demi Moore, Ashton Kutcher announced his long awaited marriage to M actress Judi Dench earlier today.

Rumors had been rife about the couple ever since, Kutcher accompanied Dame Dench o the premier of The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel last year, and friends of the couple have said the two have made no secret of their commitment. A source close to Kutcher (it was Jonah Hill) told Studio Exec anonymously:  

We went out for dinner and although they were discreet, arriving separately and leaving at different times, it was obvious to everyone in the room that they were very much in love. They had their hands all over each other and Kelsey Grammer actually told them to get a room at one point.

Friends said that the two have a great deal in common, one of them is a highly accomplished actor and they both enjoy breathing cool air and taking walks in the moonlight. It is reported that they are planning a small private ceremony to which close friends and Bruce Willis will be invited. 

Jobs 2: Retina Display will be released in 2015.