5 OSCAR PREDICTIONS

HOLLYWOOD – The Oscars are almost here.

The Academy Awards (or Oscars as Bette Davis prefers to call them) are happening Sunday. So the Studio Exec FACT Squad greased up, squeezed into tuxedos and got busy with some predictions.

1 La La Land, or Moonlight is going to win best picture, or Manchester by the Sea, or Fences, or Hacksaw Ridge, or Arrival, or Lion. Or Hidden Figures. Or Hell or High Water. Which is just one film by the way.

2. The winner of best feature documentary will be either black or Italian.

3. John Travolta will present the Best Supporting Actor category and Mahershala Ali will win but everyone will think ‘Meepy Deepy DooDar’ has won instead.

4.  Meryl Streep will happen.

5. Jimmy Kimmel will be a better host than Anne Hathaway and James Franco were. Donald Trump will be mentioned more than once. He will live tweet the event from a toilet in the White House.

 

For more FACTS click HERE.

APPARENTLY, THE OSCARS ARE HAPPENING AGAIN …

HOLLYWOOD – The Academy published the Oscar nominations earlier this week. We give our reaction.

So apparently, the Oscars are on again this year. It’s almost as if it’s every year now. We were going to do a full list of nominations but my cut and paste finger is sore. So you can go here and see that. Then come back and read this.

Nominations

First things first. The Academy discovered there are people in America who aren’t white! Moonlight, Fences and Hidden Figures all picked up nods as did Ruth Negga with Loving, the Jeff Nichols film. Supporting actress category saw Miss Moneypenny as well as Viola Davis and Octavia Spencer getting nommed. If that’s a a verb.

To round of the diversity anti-Semite Mel Gibson received a nomination for Hacksaw Ridge, the perfect American movie – loads of dirty Japanese get killed while we pretend to admire pacifism.

Snubs

Then there were the SNUBS. Amy Adams didn’t get nominated for Arrival and Martin Scorsese missed out with Silence. To be honest, Adams is great but there’s a law that Meryl Streep has to be nominated and that took her spot. As for Silence. Kundun was miles better. Silence is like Shogun but with more religion and less Richard Chamberlain.

La La Land received a large haul of nominations. There’s a point at which this kind of love begins to hurt a movie. I loved La La Land, but I saw it in August when no one else had. If I was to walk in having heard all the praise, I might be tempted to think the film a technically bit of superficial whimsy. I don’t think that. But with the group think pressure to love it, I can understand the Pavlovian backlash that is on its way.

So we’ll leave predictions to the experts. Who knows? Maybe we’ll post about he Oscars again before the actually ceremony. Feel free to comment in the box about how you think the whole think went down. We never read them.

The Academy announce the winners on February 26th, 2017.

AMY ADAMS CAUGHT IN MERYL STREEP’S GARDEN ‘RELIEVING HERSELF’

HOLLYWOOD – Police arrest Amy Adams in Meryl Streep’s garden for ‘indecent behavior’.

Arrival and Nocturnal Animals actress, Amy Adams has been arrested while apparently going to the toilet in Meryl Streep’s garden. A law enforcement spokesperson told the Studio Exec:

She was doing a number two in the garden of a property owned by Sophie’s Choice actress Meryl Streep. Despite warnings, the actress continued going for what seemed to officers to be a preternaturally long time. When offering a statement, Adams told officers that she was ‘a nocturnal animal’ and was waiting for Ms. Streep’s ‘Arrival’. She winked as she spoke.

The scene was particularly distressing because Adams chose a lawn and was apparently writing a message in Heptapod.

Arrival is in theaters.

AMY ADAMS’ TOP FIVE TOOTHBRUSHES

HOLLYWOOD – Amy Adams – the versatile Hollywood actress of Arrival, The Master, Man of Steel and American Hustle – came into the Studio Exec office to give us her top 5 toothbrushes of 2016.

Amy Adams! Toothbrushes! Go!

1 The Colgate Extra Clean Toothbrush is the Amazon no. 1 bestselling toothbrush. With a thin, flexible easy grip and a good head, the stern bristles ensure that every tooth gets a thorough clean. The thing which stands out for me though is the cleaning tip, which is particularly good at getting spinach out from between your teeth.

2 Mila Kunis once told me the most important part of your smile is your gums. And the Oral-B Pro-Health Clinical Pro-Flex medium Toothbrush is the toothbrush for you. Two flexing sides gives the discerning mouth a powerful working over. Your gums will shine like Jessica Chastain.

3 When working with the late great Philip Seymour Hoffman we would often speak about acting. He said it all began with the teeth. The Dr. Collings Perio Toothbrush gives a flossing effect that Philip would have loved, penetrating with its innovative tapered filaments even between the most stubborn molars.

4 Directors Paul Thomas Anderson and Denis Villeneuve have radically different styles but one thing they have in common is their adoration of the GUM Technique Deep Clean Toothbrush. The 45-degree angle ensures thorough cleaning without irritation.

5 The Nimbus Microfine Toothbrush has a whitening effect and is cheep. I once saw Leonardo diCaprio stick it up his ass, but that’s another story.

For more of Amy Adams’ Top 5 advice Click Here

AMY ADAMS’ TOP 5 POP TARTS

HOLLYWOOD – Amy Adams – the versatile Hollywood actress of The Master, Man of Steel, American Hustle and Arrival – came into the Studio Exec office to give us her top 5 Pop Tarts.

1. S’Mores: Amy Adams. ‘Sticky marshmallow and melted chocolate in one scrumptious pastry pocket, this is a traditional favorite in the the Adam’s household. Paul Thomas Anderson hates them.’

2. Frosted Strawberry. Amy Adams. ‘When we were making The Fighter, Christian Bale had lost a lot of weight for the role so I used to taunt him with Frosted Strawberry pop tarts. But the joke was on me. When we were doing American Hustle, Christian would gorge on them and I had to watch my figure, ha ha!’

3. Frosted Rainbow Cookie Sandwich. Amy Adams. ‘When people ask me what’s Jason Segel like in real life I always tell them he’s like a Frosted Rainbow Cookie Sandwich Pop Tart. It’s easier than telling the truth.’

 4. Cinnamon Roll. Amy Adams. ‘People wonder whether Trouble With the Curve was a misstep in my career, but I think when you get the chance of working with a genuine Hollywood legend like Clint you grab it with both hands.’

 5. Chocolate Chip. Amy Adams. ‘You know actually I don’t really eat Pop Tarts that much. I’m just copying these names of Wikipedia. Who knew they had a page devoted to Pop Tart flavors? It’s just I heard Jessica Chastain was doing a Hot Pockets top five for The Hollywood Reporter and anything that bitch can do, I can do a thousand times better.’

For more of Amy Adams’ Top 5 Advice Click Here.

ARRIVAL – REVIEW

REVIEW – Denis Villeneuve’s Arrival is clever science fiction which manages to escape its essential silliness.

There’s a lot that is silly in Arrival. Forrest Whitaker’s husky soldier is one of them, with his peremptory attempt to recruit Amy Adams. She is a linguist and aliens have arrived. We need to know what they’re saying. Jeremy Renner is another scientist, tagging along to say some funny stuff. The light relief to Adams’ mopey egg head. See there seems to be some Sandra Bullock like grief to contend with but don’t rush to judge. Villeneuve is on a role at the moment. And he has a habit of making the silly luscious and strangely smart. Prisoners was a mess but looked great. Sicario is a masterpiece. And we’ve still got his Blade Runner sequel to contend with. He even makes aliens that communicate via coffee rings seem deep, so I think we’re in safe hands.

 

For more Reviews, Click Here.

FOREST WHITAKER NOT AN ACTUAL FOREST, IT IS CONFIRMED

HOLLYWOOD – Arrival star Forest Whitaker is not actually a forest, it has been confirmed.

Star of such films as Bird, Ghost Dog and Species, Forest Whitaker has been around for many years. However, the actor has often been dogged with controversy, with rumors abounding that he is a small forest in New England.

Forest phoned the Studio Exec to EXCLUSIVELY respond to the accusations:

forest whitaker
A forest

I want to call and personally quash this bullshit that is going round. I’m not, nor have I ever been, a forest. I’m sick of it. A forest is a large collection of trees. I’m a black actor. Totally different things. You don’t see articles on the internet seriously asking if Steven Spielberg is actually a talking mountain in German.

Is he?

I don’t want to say.

I see. 

Look, people have names. Sometimes those names are similar to other words. It doesn’t make them those things.

So you’re not a forest?

No.

Arrival is in theaters currently.