A CINEMATIC RUNNING GUIDE

The Exec is proud to present A Cinematic Running Guide. We break down all the elements required to make sure the running in your film is up to speed. A Cinematic Running Guide is presented in proud association with NIKE. NIKE, just fucking do it already.

A Cinematic Running Guide, Nay A History

Since the burgeoning cinema at the start of the 20th Century, film makers have captured running in all its forms. From Buster Keaton, Charlie Chaplin to Fritz Lang’s Metropolis, men, women and children have run on screen. Sometimes towards the camera, sometimes away and sometimes they even ran across the shot. Cinema audiences around the world have been thrilled in whichever direction people could run in films.

And ACTION!

With the introduction of sound, running in movies became an even more immersive experience. Hollywood film makers such as Hitchcock used it to great effect in action sequences. Take North By Northwest, Hitchcock uses running towards camera AND away from a fucking plane to create an iconic scene. Without running, this scene would have been dog shit.

It’s All About The Running

Take Tony Richardson’s run-fest, The Loneliness Of The Long Distance Runner. It came just three years after North By Northwest, but already running is in the title and features heavily as a plot device and arty-farty metaphor. Ok Tony, you went to Oxford, we get it already, jeez!

But Where’s The Chariot?

Fast forward to the early 80s and running is now the entire narrative in Hugh Hudson’s Oscar winning Chariots Of Fire. But audiences were left confused because there were no chariots to be seen anywhere. What’s wrong with these crazy Brits?

Blockbuster Running

With boxing underdog movie Rocky, Sylvester Stallone took running to new, heroic heights. Sly continued to fly the flag for heroic running (mainly toward camera but away from the exploding whatever) in films as diverse as First Blood, Rambo: First Blood Part II and the inexplicably titled Rambo III. There was no Rambo II. What the fuck Sly?

Nice Try Arnie

Other blockbuster action stars tried to get in on the running, but with less success. Arnold Schwarzenegger tried with a bit of running in Conan The Barbarian. But this was mainly across the shot, which was proven to be the least effective. He even tried using running in one of his titles, The Running Man. But all anyone remembers about that film is how piss poor Mic Fleetwood was in it. I’ll be back? Nah, you’re ok man. Stay where you are.

The Running King

And now we come to the undisputed king of running in movies: Tom Cruise. Cruise tried his hand at ‘acting’ in films such as The Color Of Money, Rain Man and Born On The Fourth Of July. But he found his little running feet in The Firm. Here, Cruise discovered he could thrill audiences the world over just by sprinting towards the camera and away from scary, cuddly uncle Wilford Brimley. But he really got up to pace three years later with Brian De Palma’s Mission Impossible. The legendary scene where Tom leaps away from exploding chewing gum on a fish tank is an all time running classic. The invention and the daring to not only run toward the camera and away from the water, but in slow-mo and then under the camera is ground-breaking. I mean… shit the bed shivers up my spine.

Running The Show

Since then, Cruise has gone from strength to strength. He can run on sand, on roads, rooves, through windows and even under water. He continues to thrill and astound audiences with his running. Hardly anyone has noticed he really can’t act. And he owes it all to running. Go figure.

47 FILMS: 57. THE LONG GOODBYE

In our continuing series of 47 films to watch before being murdered in your dreams, we look at Robert Altman’s Raymond Chandler adaptation The Long Goodbye.

Raymond Chandler came to Hollywood and ended up writing movies none too happily. His novels became movies too. Philip Marlowe his hard boiled private investigator gave Humphrey Bogart one of the choicest roles of his career, as well as being assayed by actors such as James Garner, George Sanders, Dick Powell and later Robert Mitchum.

Elliott Gould’s Marlowe is a world of and unto himself. He’s a time-traveler, driving around Hollywood in a 1948 Lincoln convertible. Never forsaking his suit and tie, smoking like a chimney, wisecracking to himself rather than anyone else. And with a chaste sense of moral direction which reveals itself only at the end.

This innocent abroad stick his nose into a mystery involving the usual cast of gangsters, femme fatales and crooked cops. After giving his friend Terry Lennox, a lift, Marlowe finds himself in hot water when Lennox’s wife turns up dead. A mad writer played by Sterling Hayden, his society hostess wife played by Nina van Pallandt  and a Jewish gangster (Mark Rydell) with a particularly vicious manner of serving coke.

But this is Hollywood’s film, in the sense that it is about the place, the ambiance. Sure, Altman’s lazy penchant for female flesh and misogyny is in evidence. And yet the city looks gorgeous, photographed by the ever reliable Vilmos Zsigmond. Elliott Gould has never been so good with a genuinely original re-imagining of Marlowe who refuses to take anything seriously. Primarily, because life is too important. The film came up a few times in comparison to Paul Thomas Anderson’s Inherent Vice, but a trip back to the original makes Anderson’s film look pretty thin.

For more of our 47 Films Click Here.

EMPIRE TO REASSESS ITS SWITCH LOCATION POLICY

WASHINGTON – Empire issues order to review all switch locations.

The Galactic Empire has announced that it is to review how it locates its switches at all major facilities, following a recent attack on the planet of Scarif. The Grand Moff Tarkin spoke EXCLUSIVELY to the Studio Exec via hologram:

It’s obvious that following the last incursion by the rebel scum that we are making it far too easy for them. The attack on Scarif was facilitated by what can only be described as a random distribution of important switches and control panels around the main base. Some of them were even outside armored bunkers. When surely inside would have been a better option. We’ve tried putting some vital controls on the end of gantries high above the ground, hoping that any rebel might get dizzy but to be honest they seem to enjoy the challenge. Still, I’m confident we’ll overcome them.

On another note, how do you feel about your CGI enhancements?

It’s becoming quite a club, isn’t it? Tron’s Jeff Bridges, the young Arnold Terminator, the dead-eyed children of Polar Express, we’ve all been Zemeckised! I can’t say I’m over the moon. But that isn’t a moon anyway. It’s a space station.

Rogue One: A Star Wars Story out now.

 

DWAYNE THE ROCK JOHNSON AND KEVIN HART SIGN ON FOR PREDATOR

HOLLYWOOD – Predator remake to star Dwayne ‘The Rock’ Johnson and Kevin Hart.

Kevin Hart and Dwayne ‘the Rock’ Johnson are to star in a remake of the 80s action classic Predator.

The official synopsis reads:

Dwight (Hart) and Toby (Johnson) are on holiday with their wives in Peru when they find a treasure map. As they search for the treasure however they get lost in the jungle.  Their troubles have only just started as they realize an alien is hunting them.

Director Shane Black spoke for the first time about his vision of the film:

It’s going to be a lot lighter. After The Nice Guys, I realized that this approach could work with anything. Action and adventure mixes with comedy and gross out humor. Kevin and Dwayne work well together. They bring a magic which frankly Carl Weathers and Arnold Schwarzenegger never had.

The Predator Vacation will be released in 2018.

Image courtesy of @ThePixelFactor.

JOHNNY KNOXVILLE EVAPORATES

HOLLYWOOD – Fans of movies everywhere breathed a sigh of relief as news arrived that Jackass star Johnny Knoxville has evaporated.

The evaporation of Johnny Knoxville took place last night in a private ceremony attended by some friends and family members. A witness told the Studio Exec EXCLUSIVELY about what went on in those fateful hours:

Johnny has been getting fainter and fainter and then it became obvious that he was just not going to retain his solid form. There was a hope that following The Last Stand with Arnold Schwarzenegger that Johnny would corner the market in the kind of crazy comedic roles a young Christopher Lloyd might have picked up. But when that became increasingly unlikely Johnny just became so steamed. And I mean that literally.

To say Johnny Knoxville was one of the finest actors of our generation would be a deliberate untruth. He first came to fame with the Jackass TV series which then became a movie franchise. More conventional film roles however garnered little in critical and commercial success, including a remake of Dukes of Hazzard which was called by all who saw it ‘an unwiped hole’.

Although rare evaporation is not unknown in Hollywood. Mickey Rooney evaporated in 1975 only to condense two years later and continue his career unharmed.

Johnny Knoxville will next be seen on a window pane or a cloud or a rainbow.

MARK WAHLBERG TO REMAKE COLIN FARRELL’S TOTAL RECALL

HOLLYWOOD – Mark Wahlberg has signed on to star in a remake of Colin Farrell’s Total Recall, it was announced today.

The 2012 sci-fi action thriller Total Recall directed by Len Wiseman is to be remade starring Mark Wahlberg in the iconic role of Douglas Quaid made famous by Colin Farrell.  Based on the Philip K. Dick short story ‘We Can Remember it for you Wholesale’, the film will in fact be the third iteration of the tale, with an Arnold Schwarzenegger version released in 1990 and directed by Paul Verhoeven.

Mark Wahlberg spoke EXCLUSIVELY to the Studio Exec about his new project.

I’ve made several remakes in the past. I made the remake of The Italian Job. Contraband was a remake. And of course I starred in perhaps the best film of my career thus far, the remake of Planet of the Apes, which many people to this day come up to me and tell me is better than the original version. So when I watched Total Recall with Colin Farrell, I felt here’s something I could do much better while finding something more original.

Why don’t you simply remake the 1990 Total Recall?

I think that I will eventually. But I would like to remake Colin Farrell’s version as the first step. And then perhaps, I could go to the 1990s well. The thing is my hope, my dream, is that someone will remake my version of Total Recall and so we begin this endless regression.

But that’s crazy. Do you really think someone is going to remake a film you’ve remade only just recently?

Ahem. Planet of the Apes.

Oh. Right. Erm. Yeah.

It doesn’t matter. Every period has its genres. Westerns in the thirties, gangster films in the forties. The new millennium it’s remakes. That’s the genre. I mean we’re doing it really cheaply. We’re going to have Len direct again and Jessica Biel and Kate Beckinsale will ‘reprise’ their roles. In fact, we’ll just use out takes and alternative angles when I don’t have to be in the shot. We even talked about just digitally putting my head on Colin Farrell so that would be an option. I doubt anyone will care or notice.

Total Recall will be released in 2018.

VINCE VAUGHN TO STAR IN REMAKE OF KINDERGARTEN COP

HOLLYWOOD – Vince Vaughn is to star in a remake of the Arnold Schwarzenegger classic Kindergarten Cop.

The news came following an infamous GQ interview in which True Detective Season 2 star, Vince Vaughn revealed his forthright opinions on firearms. He dropped in to the Studio Exec Bungalow to explain his thinking on the issue of gun violence and the second amendment.

What I said in that interview put the cat among the pigeons. I don’t really know why. I like guns, Brad Pitt likes guns, Steven Spielberg likes guns. You throw a rock in the rich part of Hollywood and you’ll hit someone who likes guns. Then you’ll be shot by someone who likes guns. So on second thoughts, don’t throw rocks in Hollywood!

How did this lead you onto the Kindergarten Cop remake?

My argument was that if people had guns in schools then that would put an end to school shootings because there would be the ability for the kids etc to return fire. But the idea of kids and teachers and what not having guns in schools is a cultural oddity, it’s just something we’re not used to seeing outside of a massacre, so I wanted to make a picture that would feature me as a lovable rogue cop who has to go undercover in a kindergarten to bust a drugs ring…

How did a…?

Shhh… and I have all these guns and me and the kids defend the school. Imagine Assault on Precinct 13 meets Home Alone, but with the guy from Dodgeball.

Wow!

I know. But although this will be a knock about shoot ’em up comedy, it’s also going to have a serious political message, NRA approved.

Kindergarten Cop Genisys will be released in 2016.

Image courtesy of @ThePixelFactor.

JOHN CONNOR SENT BACK IN TIME TO DESTROY TERMINATOR SEQUELS

HOLLYWOOD – James Cameron announced today that he had sent John Connor back in time to destroy a number of Terminator sequels.

The sequels Terminator 3: Rise of the Machines, the Sarah Connor Chronicles and Terminator Salvation will all be destroyed by Connor, James Cameron stated.

Things have gone to far and they’ve gotten way too complicated. The original film was a blast and it had a lot of stuff I was very proud of. Then Terminator 2: Judgement Day took it to another level. The best film in my opinion. Arnold Schwarzenegger has never been better and Linda Hamilton and the story actually had something interesting to say. But then we got to the third one. I didn’t direct it myself and the result was frankly substandard and then things really started to go south.

According to the Avatar director, the mission will see Connor meeting Cameron in the past and either persuading him to forego the ancillary rights or killing him.

With the sequels all gone, the new film Terminator Genisys might just make some sense.

But surely that will create a paradox?

What do you mean?

Well, if they succeed in killing you, then you won’t be able to send John Connor back to stop you from… you see?

F*ck, I have to get Arnie on the phone tout suite! Thanks Exec.

Terminator: Genisys will be released or not in the FUTURE!

WOODY ALLEN TAKES OVER EXPENDABLES 4

SUNDANCE – Woody Allen turned up at a surprise Sundance panel to reveal he is to write, direct and star in The Expendables 4, taking over from Sylvester Stallone.

Stallone, who was also in attendance said he would stay on board as an executive producer but added he was delighted to have the 79 year old Jewish comedian take the reigns.

After the panel, Stallone told the Studio Exec EXCLUSIVELY:

You know how it is, anyone who saw The Expendables 3 can tell that the formula was getting tired, but I still wanted the characters to move on. I got talking to Woody one afternoon because we go to the same chiropodist in New York. Anyway I had these terrible corns and was in the waiting room thinking of how I was going to rescue the franchise and in limped Woody.

Woody Allen takes over the telling of the tale:

I’ve always wanted to do something different; push myself. And the kind of gung-ho action thriller that Sly does is in itself a craft and a craft I’ve yet to learn, so I jumped at the chance. You see a filmmaker is like a shark, if you don’t move forward, you’re Brett Ratner.

Stallone continues:

I knew Woody for a long time. When I was a struggling actor, Woody cast me as a street thug in Bananas. A lot of us young guys got a break from Woody so I thought it was great to pay him back. And the other thing is Woody brings a great sense of humor to everything he does and I think Expendables 4 needs a lighter touch. Expendables 3 was too dark, I think we can all agree on that.

What do you want to do with the story?

WA: I don’t want to change too much. Sly is going to have a cameo where he explains to the guys that I’m taking over. I’m obviously not a muscle man, like Sly or Arnie, so they’re going to call my the Hipster, I’m deadly with a one-liner and a crossbow. I also have these glasses that kind of pull apart and then put back together again as a grenade launcher.

SS: Oh oh. Spoiler Alert.

WA: Oh Jeez. I’m sorry. I can’t believe I said that. Yeah, but then basically explosions, mayhem and an amazing stair lift sequence. It’s like the cable cars in Where Eagles Dare.

The Expendables 4 will be released in 2016.

5 FACTS YOU NEVER KNEW ABOUT PREDATOR 2

HOLLYWOOD – Frankly the FACT squad were bored, and so they got drunk and watched a film on cable. And here are the 5 FACTS about Predator 2 which is (aside from headaches) the only result of that sad evening.

1. Danny Glover’s trousers are scary. Although supposed to be a hard ass, Dirty Harry type of loose cannon, the only thing loose about Danny is his waistband and weird chalky strides. He does a lot of swearing but there’s a Walter Matthau vibe going on that makes you feel that the Xenomorphs are just pesky kids who have kicked a ball into his yard.

2. Some people say Predator 2 is not as good as Predator, and this is the only occasion in the history of film criticism, that some people have been right.

3. Gary Busey and Adam Baldwin were cast as the strait laced government men!

4. Arnold Schwarzenegger was not in this film because he asked for money. He apparently not only wanted money but also wanted to branch out into acting and felt that the Predator series wasn’t giving him the opportunity.

5. This was the first film in which the sound torch beams make was finally realistically realized. Every time a torch beam passes the camera it makes a whooshing sound.

For more MOVIE FACTS Click Here.

DAD’S ARMY MOVIE REBOOT: FIRST LOOK

LONDON – The movie reboot of much loved BBC sit-com Dad’s Army has released the first picture EXCLUSIVELY to the Studio Exec which shows stars Arnold Schwarzenegger and Sylvester Stallone in the roles of Captain Mainwaring and Sergeant Wilson.

For those unfamiliar with the show, Dad’s Army follows the adventures of an inept platoon of the British ‘Home Guard’ tasked with defending England from a possible German invasion in the midst of World War Two. An essentially English affair, Schwarzenegger and Stallone are both adamant that they will adopt convincing British accents and they are joined by other Hollywood big hitters Catherine Zeta Jones as a glamorous journalist and Mel Gibson who will dust off his Scottish accent to play the role of the fiery Scot, Frazer.

Director Oliver Parker told the Studio Exec EXCLUSIVELY:

Initially we were going to go with Michael Gambon and Tom Courtenay, both marvelous actors, but then Stallone got in touch and he revealed that he and Arnie were huge fans of the original show and wanted to take part. Once I saw The Expendables 3 I knew we could do it. Essentially with The Expendables franchise they were already making an American version of Dad’s Army, or Granddad’s Army perhaps! Ha ha! Actually don’t print that.

Dad’s Army is only the latest in a stream of Hollywood movies based on Brit Sit-Coms, the others being Tommy Lee Jones long gestating Are You Being Served? and a star studded ‘re-imagining’ of Last of the Summer Wine.

Dad’s Army will be released in 2016.
Image courtesy of @perspectivator.

3D WAS SUPPOSED TO BE A JOKE, ADMITS JAMES CAMERON

HOLLYWOODJames Cameron admitted today in a shock revelation that will undoubtedly rock the whole of Hollywood that the reintroduction of 3D was actually the result of an off-the-cuff remark, which was supposed to be a joke.

The Avatar “visionary” is famous for his hilarious sense of humor and is only challenged by Woody Harrelson for the crown as king of the Hollywood practical jokers.

Bill Paxton tells the story:

This was a couple of years after Titanic and everyone was hanging on Jimmy’s every word, all the top brass at the studios, anything he said they would jump to do because as far as they could see he was golden. One evening we’re eating out at thisJapanese restaurant and he challenges me. He says “What is the most ridiculous thing that I can ask for?” So I think and then I say “3D”.

The Piranha 2: The Spawning director and the Twister actor laughed over their sushi, but Jimmy Cameron took up the gauntlet. ‘I was amazed when I first heard that Avatar was going to be in 3D,’ the Paxo man recalls. ‘But then it became unstoppable. The irony is Jimmy hates 3D as much as anyone else.’

With arguments raging about expensive equipment, exorbitant ticket prices, reduced luminosity and silly glasses, the erstwhile King of the World has finally decided to come clean.

‘I didn’t mean it to go so far but really, you’re all too gullible. You have to remember I’m, the guy who put Arnie Schwarzenegger in a 007 kind of role. I’m the guy who made out like Michael Biehn was an actor. Come on, seriously. How could you take anything I said at face value?’

Is it true that you yourself don’t like 3D?

‘It’s like those theaters we used to make out of cereal boxes when we were kids. It’s embarrassingly bad. A series of flat surfaces. It looks flatter than 2D for crying out loud,’ Cameron starts shouting, his lips flecked with spit. ‘Why do you think I keep going down to the bottom of the ocean? It’s the only place I can go and have a really good laugh at you assholes.’

Avatar 2 and 3 are due out sometime in the next decade.

ARNOLD SCHWARZENEGGER: BLACK SWAN 2

HOLLYWOOD –  Arnold Schwarzenegger will take the lead role in Black Swan 2: The Nut Cracker, 20th Century Fox today confirmed.

Schwarzenegger plays Drako, ex-Special Forces who enters the world of ballet to tackle his post-traumatic stress but who becomes possessed by the demonic Swan from the first movie. Consumed by the blood lust of the were-bird, Drako uses his performances to bewitch and kill terrorists who he lures onto the stage of the New York Metropolitan Theater.  Schwarzenegger spoke exclusively to the Studio Exec:

When Darren [Aronofosky] first talked to me about the project, he asked me how I felt about Tchaikovsky and I told him it’s good at close range but the magazine sometimes jams. Ha ha ha. I wasn’t joking.

What will you bring to the role?

I’ll add nuance, a deft touch to steer BS2 away from the base vulgarity of the original. Natalie Portman was good but I don’t want everyone to say: ‘Oh look, Arnie’s doing a Portman’. No, this is not just a copy of BS; it is a magnification. It is total BS.

What do you think of ballet?

Dance combines peaceful movement with the strength and focus of the more brutal martial arts. I will be wearing a tutu, but I’ll also be doing the ripping eyeballs out and the stomping the skulls, so I suppose that expresses the duality of man, ya? 

Black Swan 2: The Nut Cracker will be released in 2015.

SCHWARZENEGGER REPLACES DOWNEY. JR FOR SHERLOCK HOLMES 3

HOLLYWOOD – After Robert Downey Jr announced that he had ‘better things to do’ and stepped away from the Sherlock Holmes franchise, producer Joel Silver has decided to go back to his eighties roots and re-team with his Commando and Predator star Arnold Schwarzenegger for Sherlock Holmes: The Scarlet Helicopter.

Silver had this to say about the subject:

The one problem I had with the previous two films in the series were that there was not one helicopter in either film, and I, Joel Silver, find that completely unacceptable, unfortunately Warner Bros. said to me that there was no way I was ruining their cash cow by adding a helicopter into the films for no reason. Also that it didn’t make sense during that time period. With Rob now gone, they’ve told me I can basically do what I like with it now  as they don’t care, so Arnold is Holmes, Jesse Ventura is Watson and the helicopter is the villain so I think we’re on to something here.

Holmes’ new nemesis



When asked about the news Arnold told us “I’m back!” but when reminded that this is the first movie his been involved with in the series he said “I’ll be back!” He promised “less mystery and more muscles.” Walter Hill or Ivan Reitman have both been touted as possible directors. Jesse Ventura also made a statement, but fortunately nobody was listening as everyone had lost interest.

Sherlock Holmes and the Scarlet Helicopter will be released Xmas 2015.