ARMIE HAMMER CAST AS HANNIBAL LECTER

HOLLYWOOD – Armie Hammer to star as Hannibal Lecter in Silence of the Lambs remake. 

The Studio Exec sat down with Renee Zellweger and Armie Hammer to talk about their casting as Clarice Starling and Hannibal Lecter. 

Good morning guys. Can we get you anything?

RZ – I’ll have a coffee thanks.
AH – I’ll take a Slim Jim, please. No, scrub that. Can I get half a kilo of raw liver, Chianti and some fava beans? Hold the beans. And don’t worry about the Chianti.

Um… ok. So Rob, tell me about the reboot.

RZ – It’s going to be super-duper. In the original version of The Silence Of The Lambs, it was told from the point of view of Clarice Starling.
AH – Claaariiiiiiiiiiicccccccce.
RZ – So, anyway. It’s all from her perspective. But in our version it’s all going to be told from the perspective of Hannibal Lecter.
AH – Yesssssssssssss.

But doesn’t he spend most of the film in his cell in solitary confinement?

RZ – Exactly. We’ll watch walk around the room clockwise. Then we’ll watch him walk around the room counter-clockwise. It’s gonna be insane.
AH – Mm. Have you got anymore liver please? Or maybe a pancreas I could nibble on?

How will you keep the interest of the audience?

RZ – Well, there’s mealtimes-
AH – Mmmm, yeah. Mealtimes, mmmm.
RZ – And there will be times when he needs to take a dump, that’ll be terrifying. It’s going to be told in 3 parts. We’ll tell it real time and the first film will go from the time just after Clarice’s first meeting until just before she comes back.
AH – Have you got any charcuterie? Perhaps some Iberico ham, or prosciutto? Raw bacon?

So it will just be Hannibal and we don’t get to see Clarice in the first film?

RZ – What? Yeah.
AH – Nom, nom, nom.

How will that tell the story?

RZ – Well, he’ll be thinking about her a LOT. And we’ll get to see for the first time ever how Hannibal thinks. Sometimes he thinks stood up. Then leaning against the glass or wall. Sometimes he just stands upright, in the middle of the room. Sometimes he even thinks sat down. Mind-blowing.
AH – And eating. Hannibal’s gonna be eating a LOT of meat. Raw meat. Plenty pork. Lovely lamb, rare. Veeeery rare.
RZ – Armie, get your hands off my ne……

The Silence Of The Lambs Redux starts shooting in March this year.

REVIEW – FREE FIRE

REVIEW – FREE FIRE: It’s like Reservoir Dogs if they hadn’t left the bank.

Some films have great shoot outs. Sergio Leone and Quentin Tarantino, John Woo turns it up to eleven. The Wild Bunch is probably the acme. But Free Fire is basically just the shoot out. When a gun deal goes wrong between a bunch of Irish terrorists and a South African arms dealer, a free for all ensues. The causus belli actually has nothing to do with the deal. Cillian Murphy, Sharlto Copley, Sam Riley, Jack Reynor, Brie Larson, Armie Hammer, Michael Smiley, Patrick Bergin and Babou Ceesay are all good. The dialogue by Amy Jump is hilarious and tastes of cement and gun powder.

Ben Wheatley has quietly stacked up quite a resume. From his dark gothic Kill List to the comic verve of Sightseers. Free Fire might not have made the biggest commercial splash on its release, but it is destined to cult classic status. Go see it.

For more Reviews, Click Here.

THE HEMSWORTHS TO FIGHT THE BALDWINS

HOLLYWOOD – In what is being tipped as the biggest family-based Hollywood celebrity rumble since the Carradines took on the Quaids, the Hemsworth brothers and the Baldwin gang are to thrash it out down by the railway tracks at half past ten tonight (no knives).

In what is set to look like some weird generation mismatch from The Outsiders, Luke, Liam and Chris Hemswoth will take on Alec, Daniel, William and Stephen Baldwin. ‘We’re going to kick seven shades of sh*t out of those assholes,’ said the usually very polite Luke, who for some reason seemed to be upset about something. ‘Chris is bringing his hammer.’

Alec Baldwin spoke for his family:

What we are looking forward to

The Hemsworths have been riding us for months. “Move out the way old men! Hey d’ya drop ya teeth?” Well, I’m in the mood to dropkick them into next Thursday. Stephen’s given up Christianity especially so he can gouge eyes out and not feel bad. And are there going to be inappropriate and inexplicable racial epithets flying? You bet.

The match will be refereed by the Armie Hammer twins and is being televised on Netflix.


Tweet about it using the hash tag #ChrisLukeLiamHemsworthvsAlecWilliamDanielStephenBaldwinrumble2015.

EXCLUSIVE INTERVIEW WITH TOM HARDY’S TWIN BROTHER

LONDON – We talked EXCLUSIVELY with Tom Hardy’s twin brother about his brother, being a twin and the new crime film Legend in which he has a role opposite his brother Tom Hardy.

Having a famous identical twin brother can’t be easy, but for Tom Hardy – Tom Hardy’s identical twin brother – at least it has had the compensation in providing  some work. Tom Hardy stars in Legend opposite his brother as Reggie Kray (Tom Hardy is playing Ronnie). Tom Hardy came into the Studio Exec’s UK ‘gaff’ to talk about his role in the film:

The Kray brothers have always fascinated me and I leaped at the chance to be involved in the film. Brian Helgeland is a great director and I’m really enjoying the chance to work with all these great people.

What was it like working with your brother?

Sorry?

Your brother Tom. 

I don’t have a brother. I’m an only child.

Very good Tom. I’ve seen the movie. Did you squabble a lot on set?

Oh, wait I see the confusion. No I play the twins Reggie and Ronnie Kray. I play both of them. In England they’re figures of some controversy, with some people claiming they were good lads, whereas most people think they were thuggish gangsters. Of course, there have been several films made about them. Villain with Richard Burton

Why have you both got the same name?

Who?

You and your brother.

Look I’ve told. I don’t have a twin brother. That’s just me.

But there are two identical versions of you on screen at the same time.

We used a CGI technique to blend the footage.

This is bullshit!

What?

I had the same exact trouble with the Armie Hammer twins.

Oh, those guys are assholes, don’t put us in the same league as those guys. Me and Tom are much more… oh shit. I’ve got to go.

At that point Tom Hardy terminated the interview, Downey Jr. style.

 

Legend will be released in 2015.  

MARK ZUCKERBERG ANNOUNCES DAVID FINCHER BIOPIC


SAN FRANSCICO – Mark Zuckerberg – the creator of Facebook and the billionaire subject of The Social Network – is to write, direct and produce a motion picture of his own based on the life of David Fincher entitled The Director of the Social Network.

We met Mark in a small café. He wore a casual set of PJs with a bathrobe thrown loosely around his shoulders and a pair of Louis Vuitton flip flops on his feet. He sits down unobtrusively, making room on a nearby seat for his pillow pet, Ralph.

So Mark, a film about the life of David Fincher. Tell us more.

Yeah, well. The fact of the matter is I saw The Social Network and I thought, yeah… You know. Like. But then as time went round I thought maybe unfriend. Maybe. And then I thought what if I did what he did but did it about him. So that’s how I thought of The Director of The Social Network.

Who is going to play Fincher?

I wanted to at first. Me. I thought Mark Zuckerberg: actor, director, producer, billionaire, big game hunter. But then I thought wait a minute. Phew. Wait. Wait. And I called Jesse Eisenberg and he said ‘yeah okay’ and that was it. I didn’t think it’d be so easy. So I had my Fincher.

What’s the story?

At first I was going to do a film about the whole of his career. The Madonna videos and Return of the Jedi and Alien 3, but then I thought, nah. He didn’t do the bit where I get my first bicycle. So I’m going to concentrate on him directing The Social Network. And he’s gonna be arguing with Brett Ratner (Armie Hammer) who claims that he directed The Social Network and David Fincher is gonna say ‘If you could’ve directed The Social Network, you would have directed The Social Network, Brett’. And Bret is just gonna eat shrimp and shut up.

Are you friends with David Fincher?

That’s the end of the film. Fincher asks for my friendship. He’s looking really sad and needy. Like a lonely nerd head and you know do I give him my friendship. Well, you’ll have to see the film.

The Director of the Social Network starts filming next month.

REMAKE WATCH: GUY RITCHIE’S THE MAN FROM U.N.C.L.E

ROME – Due to be released this year, Guy Ritchie sets off on a globe trotting franchise with The Man From U.N.C.L.E. starring Henry Cavill as Napoleon Solo and Armie Hammer as Illya Kuryakin.  

Based on the NBC TV show which ran from 1964-68, the new film employs the writing-directing team which brought us the most recent cinematic version of Sherlock Holmes. Director Ritchie has vowed that it will be the most ecological film ever made, using wood coming only from sustainable forests and woodland. Henry Cavill, who recently mahogany-ed it up as Man of Steel, will go trunk to trunk with the Lone Ranger himself, Armie Hammer. Additional timber will be provided by Hugh Grant and a possible guest appearance by David Beckham, whose role will presumably be too make the others look like actors. Plot details are scant but if Ritchie’s recent form is anything to go by, you can expect a tongue in cheek romp which doesn’t overly disturb higher brain functions. One can also hope that with international intrigue high on the agenda, it keeps Mr. Ritchie away from his blessed cockneys. 

CRITICS’ CONSPIRACY TO DESTROY LONE RANGER REVEALED

DUBLIN –Johnny Depp, Jerry Bruckheimer and Armie Hammer were initially greeted with scorn when they suggested the floppy showing of Gore Verbinski’s The Lone Ranger was the fault of American critics but now the Studio Exec can exclusively reveal a wide ranging conspiracy at the highest level of American criticism which set out explicitly to make the film fail.
Our source A.O. Scott who wishes to remain anonymous said:

We coordinated via email and occasional using something we call ‘text messaging’. It began while the film was in production. During on set reports and interviews, we would talk to the principals and try and get them to make mistakes. I’d talk to Gore and get him to put in loads of really odd tonal shifts. I remember Justin Chang from Variety talking to Johnny Depp, who originally was going to play Tonto very straight, and Chang told him to just do ‘a heap big impression of Jack Sparrow’.  

Once the film had been made, the conspiracy really powered up:

We got Anthony Lane from The New Yorker to stand in front of cinemas dressed like he was an usher (which he isn’t) and he’d tell people if they wanted to go and see The Lone Ranger they’d have to submit to an internal examination  and a cavity search which was like a total lie. Because they didn’t. And he wasn’t even an usher. Plus all the millions of dollars they spent on publicity we basically nullified by drawing cartoon speech bubbles on ever single advert (by hand) with things like ‘Urgh! Who’s farted?’ written in them.  

Justin Chang, Anthony Lane and A.O. Scott were all unavailable for comment despite the fact that we recognised their voices saying ‘We’re unavailable for comment’. Jerry Bruckheimer has said that he will somehow try to console himself over the weekend by counting the millions of dollars he has anyway.

The Lone Ranger 2 will be released in 2015.

THE LONE RANGER: REVIEW


Gore Verbinski has made an exuberantly entertaining comedy Western starring a bravura performance from Johnny Depp, but enough about Rango, what’s The Lone Ranger like?
Well, he took a narrative device from Little Big Man, several scenes, the sound design, the long coats and musical queues from Once Upon A Time in The West, a scene from The Searchers, the desert and parasol from The Good, The Bad and The Ugly, some costuming from The Big Country, the ethical argument (but not the ethics) of The Man Who Shot Liberty Valance, the villain from a video game, Tim Burton’s wife from Tim Burton, the landscape from John Ford, the doomed Indians from Dances with Wolves, the roller-coaster from Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom, Jack Sparrow from Pirates of the Caribbean, a reference to Charlie Chaplin, poor Armie Hammer, Hans Zimmer’s the William Tell overture, and has made a theme park blockbuster that looks beautiful but is often both metaphorically and literally a train wreck.  

THE LONE RANGER GETS LAST MINUTE NAME CHANGE



Just as the Disney presented, Jeremy Bruckheimer produced, Gore Verbinski directed, and Johnny Depp and someone else starring film The Lone Ranger heaves into view, crying “Hi-Ho-Silver, Away!”, news has arrived of a radical rethink of the film and how it’s going to be marketed.

“We’re changing the title,” screamed Verbinski down the phone. 

We were at a preview screening and one of the actors, I forget the guy’s name, tall, wears a mask, the one who isn’t Johnny… Anyway, he says, “The Lone Ranger? Why is he the Lone Ranger if he has a friend? I mean isn’t that a bit racist. Like, not counting Tonto as his friend.” And we all looked around aghast. “Who is this guy?” Jerry asked.

The film makers desperately grappled with some alternative ideas. 

First, it’s like The Ranger, then Johnny comes up with Tonto (which I really liked), then Jerry wanted to add the word ‘Caribbean’ for some reason. So we settled with The Ranger of the Caribbean and Tonto, but then the big guy … what the hell’s his name? Has a tool name… oh yeah Armie Adjustable Wrench. Or something. Anyway he says it’s ridiculous adding Tonto like that just as a way of getting everyone to come to the film to see Johnny. And reluctantly, we see that he’s right.

Tonto and the Ranger of the Caribbean will be opening opposite Some Other Films sometime in August. 

ARMIE HAMMER ARRESTED IN PLOT TO KILL JOHNNY DEPP

Poster thief

COLORADO – The showbiz world was reeling tonight when police unveiled an attempted murder of Johnny Depp by his erstwhile Lone Ranger co-star Armie Hammer

“I’m not the co-star,” Hammer yelled as he was shoved into a police car. “I’m the star!”


Hammer immediately confessed under police questioning after he was found loitering outside Johnny Depp’s Colorado ranch with a crossbow and expensive photographic equipment. Apparently the Social Network co-stars had been infuriated by Depp’s appearance in the publicity material accompanying the release of The Lone Ranger.

“It’s called The Lone Ranger,” Hammer reasoned. “It’s not called Tonto.” Hammer apparently was set to kill Depp and then make a poster of his crime.

Also arrested were Orlando Bloom and Mia Wasikowska. The famously foul-mouthed Ms. Wasikowska complained bitterly, “I was fucking Alice and the film was called Alice in Wonderland, but who gets on the poster: that asshole, lick-ass piece of shit, Depp.”

And another
Johnny Depp hatching plans


Bloom believed he was to be the star of Pirates of the Caribbean only to be told in no uncertain terms by Depp, “They all think that. And then by the fourth film, boom. You’re toast.”

Bloom was released as – even though he was found at the scene and had given a full and frank confession – the police chief said, “He just wasn’t convincing.”