5 FACTS YOU NEVER KNEW ABOUT WESTWORLD

FACTLAND – Here are 5 FACTS the Studio Exec FACT squad have learned about HBO’s Westworld.

The FACT squad have entered the park of Westworld and now we don’t know if we’re really or not or when we are.

1. Westworld is not meant to be understood so don’t need to actually try. Jonathan Nolan, who created the series with Lisa Joy, is Christopher Nolan’s brother. They were suckled on puzzle milk by a  mother who didn’t believe in chronology and would speak backwards to the boys only their heads were destroyed.

2. Westworld is based on a film by Michael Crichton, but for some reason in the TV series they took out all the dinosaurs. Probably the budget.

3. There’s a lot of confusion about who is human and who is a robot. And when things are happening. By the end of Season 2 we discover that SPOILER we are the robots and all the robots are human.

4. The cowboys used in the series are actually actors playing robots playing cowboys.

5. Anthony Hopkins, Thandie Newton, Ed Harris and Rachel Evans Wood prepared for their roles by reading the script and rehearsing their scenes.

For more FACTS click here. 

REVIEW – TRANSFORMERS: THE LAST KNIGHT

REVIEW – TRANSFORMERS: THE LAST KNIGHT – Michael Bay’s latest installment in the Transformers comes to the screen starring Anthony Hopkins and Mark Wahlberg.

Everyone said it was crap so it didn’t go and see it. A bit like The Mummy.

For more Reviews, Click Here.

MICHAEL BAY PROMISES ‘A NEW TRANSFORMERS FILM EVERY SINGLE YEAR’ BECAUSE HE HATES PEOPLE

HOLLYWOOD – Michael Bay has promised to make a new Transformers film every single year, ‘because I don’t like people’.

With the release of Transformers: Last Knight hopes ran high that this might be the last, but director Michael Bay was quick to nix that particular sunbeam. He spoke with Studio Exec this morning:

Every time I do a Transformers movie chatter starts about how this might be the last. I’m getting sick of it. Anthony Hopkins said I was a genius. A genius. Sir Anthony Hopkins! But I get no respect. None. So I’ve decided every year I’ll make a new Transformers film. I’ll do a spin off first: Bumblebee. Then I’ll do another chapter of the main saga. Transformers colon then a word or phrase like Annihilation or Armageddon or Pink Helmet. And on and on. And you can’t stop me. You hear? No one can. Because I’m a genius!

Why do you hate people?

They’ve always been against me. They hated Pain and Gain. All of them. They screwed up my presentation when the autocue wouldn’t work. They pretend they don’t like Transformers, but then they go and see them. I can tell what they’re up to when I leave the room. Even Megan Fox hates me. Megan Fox! So screw them. That’s what I say.

Anthony Hopkins apologized to everyone.

I didn’t realize what a monster I had created. I was only trying to be nice. But Micharl Bay seemed nervous and he’s very sensitive to criticism so I said he was a genius.

Transformers: Pink Helmet will be released in 2019.

 

5 FACTS YOU NEVER KNEW ABOUT WESTWORLD

HOLLYWOOD – Don’t know anything at all about Westworld?

Okay. The Studio Exec FACT squad has entered the park where cowboys and slatterns exchange quips and bullets. What could possibly go wrong?

One. The original pilot for the series written and directed by Michael Crichton featured Dinosaurs but it was decided that it would be too expensive.

Two. Rachel Evans Wood, who plays Delores, spent six months being a robot to prepare for the role. She even learned the ‘robotics’ dance style. Later, she said that learning to dance like a robot had been ‘a complete fucking waste of time’.

Three. Anthony Hopkins is almost certainly a robot who killed Arnold and took on his role. Or someone else is a robot.

Four. The sex scenes were the first thing that Jonathan Nolan and Lisa Joy wrote. And then they built the story around them.

Five. The weird British guy has to die. And the weird lesbian. How did they sneak the weird lesbian into the show? At one point did they think we’ll get a lesbian in, but let’s make her weird, because you know, she’s a lesbian?

For more FACTS on everything from this to that click HERE! 

 

SIR EDWIN FLUFFER RECALLS AUDREY HERPBURN

HOLLYWOOD- Sir Edwin Fluffer once again delves into his personal memoirs – soon to be published as ‘Not THAT Kind of Fluffer!!!’ – to recall the actress they called the ‘elfin arse’: Audrey Hepburn.

I’d just been nominated for another Academy Award, when suddenly the telephone rang. It was my agent asking if I would like to do a picture with none other than Audrey Hepburn! Normally I’d jump at an offer like that because of my tax problems, but even the mention of her name struck terror into my soul! For years Jack Warner had kept Audrey locked in a cage because she used to bite the other actors, but ever since she ate Lionel Barrymore people had been just too scared to work with her. In their wisdom the heads of the studio had decided to relaunch Audrey’s career by casting her against type as a cannibalistic serial killer with yours truly as the FBI agent on her trail in It Tastes A Bit Like Chicken.  I thought that casting Audrey as a cannibal was a bit near the knuckle, but my bank manager talked me into it and I rolled up on set ready to start shooting. The crew wheeled Audrey’s cage out of her dressing room and removed the padlock, everyone stood well back, but she just lay in the corner whimpering. The poor dear obviously wasn’t well so the vet was called in and it transpired that she’d got food poisoning from Errol Flynn. They pumped her full of antibiotics and prescribed all sorts of medicine, but nothing really worked until she was offered the lead in My Fair Lady, and that perked her up no end! To my immense relief It Tastes A Bit Like Chicken was cancelled, but they did film it many years later as The Silence of The Lambs. I didn’t think Tony Hopkins was much good as Audrey Hepburn, but Jodie Foster had me down to a tee. The voice was uncanny! Apparently she was furious at having to shave off her beard to get the part, but that’s another story…

EMMA THOMPSON: ‘THE ENGLISH SHOULD DROWN IN SEA OF SH*T’

HOLLYWOOD – Oscar winning actress and tireless charity campaigner Emma Thompson today released another scathing attack on her mother country, England.

Emma Thompson last week provoked ire in her own country by calling England a sad little rainy island full of cake. But now she has reportedly doubled down, having heard the outcry that her previous comments caused. She allegedly told the Studio Exec:

The English are a bunch of sad bum faces who should all drown in a sea of their own sh*t that spouts out of their bum faces on the top of their sad bum heads.

But surely…

Sad bum heads with dirty great sad stupid faces that were only put on this earth to be slammed by the big fat swinging buttocks of stupid bum faces.

And cake?

Don’t get me started on their cake. They eat all this cake but it’s cake that’s made of shit and it goes in as shit and then it comes out of the bum faces as double shit.

This is not the first time that the celebrated actress has been in trouble for her outspoken opinions. When making Remains of the Day with Anthony Hopkins, Thompson called the Welsh actor ‘a Welsh bum face’. After Sense and Sensibility, she referred to Kate Winslett as ‘that bum face woman.’ And she more recently described Tom Hanks during the making of Saving Mr. Banks as ‘buttock face’.

Alone in Berlin will be released in 2016.

MICHAEL FASSBENDER LOOKS NOTHING LIKE STEVE JOBS

HOLLYWOOD – In a stunning trailer to the new Danny Boyle film, Steve Jobs we saw an unrecognizable Michael Fassbender, in the sense that he didn’t look anything like Steve Jobs.

The new Danny Boyle film is from a screenplay by Aaron Sorkin, which is itself based on the bestselling Walter Isaacson biography. Fassbender wears Jobs clothes but has obviously decided to dispense with any attempt at uncanny resemblance. Seth Rogen has a beard but other than that he follows his co-star in looking nothing like Steve Wozniak.

Has to be said, this might be a good thing. Acting is not and never should be impersonation. For an example of the opposite going entirely wrong watch Anthony Hopkins in a fat suit for Hitchcock. The prosthetics were so exaggerated and distracting that I almost missed how ridiculous Hopkins’ accent was and how banal the script.

Michael Fassbender is appearing in a number of films this year, including Slow West and a new version of Macbeth, and he looks nothing like Macbeth.

For more FACTS about Michael Fassbender CLICK HERE.

Image courtesy of @ThePixelFactor.

Steve Jobs will be released in October, 2015.

 

ANTHONY HOPKINS RULES HIMSELF OUT OF JUSTIN BIEBER BIO-PIC

CARDIFF – Welsh actor and human chameleon Sir Anthony Hopkins has today formally withdrawn his hat from the ring and ended speculation that he was to star in Bieber, the new Gasper Noè directed biopic of the post-pubescent singer.

‘I’m just a little bit too old,’ said the former Hannibal Lecter.

I sat down with Gasper and he tried to persuade me and we spoke for some time, but in the end  I had to say look at me, I can’t play a teenager,’ said Hopkins, who is famed for his transformations as Hannibal Lecter, C.S. Lewis, Nixon, Hannibal Lecter, Methuselah, Hannibal Lecter and most recently Alfred Hitchcock. It would have been nice to add to the gallery of portraits, but alas, not to be.

The film – a prequel to Justin Bieber: Never Say Never – was to chart the rise of the teen sensation from his lowly humble origins as a ‘Canadian’. Schlock French director Noè – famous for his twenty minute rape scenes – said:

Initially, I had no interested in this disgusting little twerper. Who is he? A no one. But then I saw him vomit on stage and I though a-ha! This is art. This is L’Avant Garde!

It isn’t all bad news though. Helen Mirren has agreed to play Selena Gomez, Mr. Bieber’s paramour.

Bieber will be released in 2016.

DELUGE OF WEATHER PUNS FOLLOWING NOAH RELEASE

HOLLYWOOD – As a direct result of the release of Darren Aronofsky’s Noah, bloggers, film reviewers and journalists have been inundating us with their best weather puns.

Already predicted to sink or swim, the film is also like to flood marketplaces, rain on the opposition and news that Exodus is already in production means that when it comes to Biblical epics, it never rains but it pours. There are thundering performances even if some of the dialogue is windy, Anthony Hopkins a bit drizzly and the plot itself long-winded. 
Veteran film journalist Hammers Hammerstein said: 

A ‘deluge’ (oh God) like this I’ve not seen since the long running Marathon Man debacle of 1976. We just all sit around thinking of puns we’ve been saving for a rainy day. Jesus Christ. I can’t stop!

 As the clouds clear and the waters fall, the puns are expected to clear up in the late afternoon, early evening in time for the new version of Annie which promises ‘the sun will come out, tomorrow’. 

Noah is a fictional character, any similarity to persons living or dead is entirely coincidental.

NASA BRAND ARONOFKSY’S NOAH ‘INACCURATE’

HOUSTON – After the furore over Gravity, NASA have weighed in again on the accuracy of Darren Aronofsky’s new Biblical epic, Noah starring Russell Crowe and Anthony Hopkins.

Following a special preview of the film, NASA took the unusual step of writing a letter to the Black Swan director which they accidentally on purpose CC-ed to us here at Studio Exec. Here it is in full: 

Hey Dazzers!

 

 Sorry, we mean Mr. Aronofsky. It’s late here at Mission Control and we’ve been smoking Blue Dream. Really quite excellent, if you can get… wait who are we telling? You made The Fountain and you don’t know Blue Dream? Yeah right!?

Anyhoo, can we say we are all big fans of your films, especially of Pi and The Wrestler (Black Swan not so much, but you know). We got an opportunity to watch Noah – what with the Shuttle program effectively mothballed we’re setting up as freelance film critics – and we have some thoughts.


1. Universal flood: WHAT? I mean, come on. There’s no evidence for any such flood. It just couldn’t happen. Didn’t happen. So that’s basically the whole of your film hitting the Bullshit Button straight away.

2. Ark: we’re not convinced that this is a credible solution. The weight of biomass would sink any boat that existed in that period, or this period for that matter.

 3. Animals: Two by two makes sense logistically, but it is too small a sample to ensure survival. And there are very big hygiene issues.What about incidences of infertility/sterility? Also keeping different livestock in such close proximity is just asking for a bird flu outbreak. Literally asking for it. 

4. Emma Watson and Jennifer Connelly in the same film. Very good call Mr. Aronofsky. No complaints there. 

Okay, that’s all from us. We can’t sit around fact checking films all day. Candy Crush isn’t going to play itself you know.  
Lots of love

NASA

ANTHONY HOPKINS WRITES A LETTER TO PAMELA ANDERSON!

MALIBU – It is now becoming apparent that Sir Anthony Hopkins‘ wonderful fan letter to Bryan Cranston and the Breaking Bad cast was simply the latest in a long series of fan mail which the Hopster has sent down the years.

We have already published those to Lee Majors and Mr. T. Now comes a letter written to the busty Baywatch star  Pamela Anderson in 1998.  

Dear Miss Anderson.
I wanted to write you this letter – so I am contacting you through Yasmin Bleeth – isn’t she a great gal?
I’ve just finished  watching “BAYWATCH” – from episode one of the First Season – to the last  episodes of the Sixth Season [There were actually only 5 seasons – the EXEC]. I have never watched anything like it. Brilliant!
Your performance as C.J. Parker was the best acting I have seen – ever.
I know there is so much smoke blowing and sickening bullshit in this business, and I’ve sort of lost belief in anything really. But this work of yours is spectacular – absolutely stunning. What is extraordinary, is the sheer power of everyone in the entire production. What was it? Five or six years in the making? How the producers, the writers, directors, cinematographers…. every department – casting etc. managed to keep the discipline and control from beginning to the end is (a word I will only use this once) awesome.
From what started as a light comedy about a lifeguard, descended into a labyrinth of blood, destruction, country music and big hair. It was like a great Jacobean, Shakespearian or Greek Tragedy.
If you ever get a chance to – would you pass on my admiration to everyone – except David Hasselhoff – I’m writing him a separate letter – everyone – everyone gave master classes of performance … The list is endless.
Thank you. That kind of work/artistry is rare, and when, once in a while, it occurs, as in this epic work, it restores confidence.
You and all the cast are the best actors I’ve ever seen.
That may sound like a good lung full of smoke blowing. But it is not. It’s almost midnight out here in Malibu, and I felt compelled to write this email.
Congratulations and my deepest respect. You are truly a great, great actor.
Best regards
Tony Hopkins.

ANTHONY HOPKINS’ LETTER TO MR. T

MALIBU – After breaking the news of Sir Anthony Hopkins‘ wonderful fan letter to Bryan Cranston and the Breaking Bad cast, the Studio Exec has since obtained several other letters.

We have already published one (to read the Lee Majors letter click HERE), but now we are also making public a copy of a letter that Hopkins wrote to Mr. T in 1987. 


Dear Mister T.
I wanted to write you this letter – so I am contacting you through George Peppard  – isn’t he a great guy?
I’ve just finished  watching “THE A TEAM”. I have never watched anything like it. Brilliant!
Your performance as the Bad Attitude Baracas was the best acting I have seen – ever.
I know there is so much smoke blowing and sickening bullshit in this business, and I’ve sort of lost belief in anything really. But this work of yours is spectacular – absolutely stunning. What is extraordinary, is the sheer power of everyone in the entire production. What was it? Five or six years in the making? How the producers, the writers, directors, cinematographers…. every department – casting etc. managed to keep the discipline and control from beginning to the end is (I word I will only use this once) awesome.
From what started as a light comedy about a team of Vietnam mercenary vets, descended into a labyrinth of blood, destruction, country music and big hair. It was like a great Jacobean, Shakespearean or Greek Tragedy.
If you ever get a chance to – would you pass on my admiration to everyone – George Peppard, Dirk Benedict and Dwight Schultz – everyone – everyone gave master classes of performance … The list is… well, that’s the list.
Thank you. That kind of work/artistry is rare, and when, once in a while, it occurs, as in this epic work, it restores confidence.
You and all the cast are the best actors I’ve ever seen.
That may sound like a good lung full of smoke blowing. But it is not. It’s almost midnight out here in Malibu, and I felt compelled to write this email.
Congratulations and my deepest respect. You are truly a great, great actor.
Best regards
Tony Hopkins.

ANTHONY HOPKINS’ LETTER TO LEE MAJORS

MALIBU – The whole of the internet wore a big sappy grin as it read Sir Anthony Hopkins‘ wonderful fan letter to Bryan Cranston and the Breaking Bad cast.

However, the Studio Exec has obtained a copy of a letter that Sir Anthony Hopkins wrote to Lee Majors in 1986. 

Dear Mister Majors.
I wanted to write you this letter – so I am contacting you through Glen L. Larson – isn’t he a great guy?
I’ve just finished  watching “THE FALL GUY” – from episode one of the First Season – to the last eight episodes of the Sixth Season [There were actually only 5 seasons – the EXEC]. I have never watched anything like it. Brilliant!
Your performance as the Unknown Stuntman, Colt Seavers was the best acting I have seen – ever.
I know there is so much smoke blowing and sickening bullshit in this business, and I’ve sort of lost belief in anything really. But this work of yours is spectacular – absolutely stunning. What is extraordinary, is the sheer power of everyone in the entire production. What was it? Five or six years in the making? How the producers, the writers, directors, cinematographers…. every department – casting etc. managed to keep the discipline and control from beginning to the end is (I word I will only use this once) awesome.
From what started as a light comedy about a stuntman, descended into a labyrinth of blood, destruction, country music and big hair. It was like a great Jacobean, Shakespearian or Greek Tragedy.
If you ever get a chance to – would you pass on my admiration to everyone – Douglas Barr, Heather Thomas, Jo-Ann Pflug, Nedra Volz, – everyone – everyone gave master classes of performance … The list is endless.
Thank you. That kind of work/artistry is rare, and when, once in a while, it occurs, as in this epic work, it restores confidence.
You and all the cast are the best actors I’ve ever seen.
That may sound like a good lung full of smoke blowing. But it is not. It’s almost midnight out here in Malibu, and I felt compelled to write this email.
Congratulations and my deepest respect. You are truly a great, great actor.
Best regards
Tony Hopkins.