PAUL RUDD TO PLAY STEVE GUTTENBERG

HOLLYWOOD – Paul Rudd is to play Steve Guttenberg in a new biopic of the actor made famous by Cocoon, Three Men and a Baby and Police Academy.

The new Ant-Man, Paul Rudd, spoke with the Studio Exec EXCLUSIVELY about the project:

Steve Guttenberg was my inspiration growing up and I would never have thought to have challenged the role if it wasn’t for the fact that the script was out of this world and Alejandro González Iñárritu is a director I greatly admire.

Based on Iñárritu’s own script the film – provisionally entitled Guttenberg – focuses on a late moment in Steve Guttenberg’s career. Rudd explains:

This is not a classical biopic which sweeps from childhood through early struggles and success to inevitable decline. Instead we find Steve at a later part of his career. The heady days of the Eighties are over and the nineties have been dry, but Steve is preparing his directorial debut P.S. Your Cat Is Dead. Alejandro sees the film as a companion to Birdman, continuing his obsession with stars of the 80s and 90s, seeking to make artistic statements.

Did you see the original film?

Yes. It should be a lot better known. It’s really good. We want to make people realize that the guy from Short Circuit was an accomplished actor and director and not think of him as simply a possible cloned threat from China.

A what?

  There’s talk that China have 3D printed an army of Guttenbergs.

Good God!

Quite.

Guttenberg Will be released in 2023.

PAUL RUDD: ‘I WORSHIP SATAN’

LOS ANGELES – Ant Man Paul Rudd has become the latest in a long line of stars to declare their deep and abiding religious belief in the Prince of Darkness, Satan.

‘Hollywood can be a crazy place and being an actor can be a stressful occupation,’ the Ant Man and the Wasp star said smiling affably. ‘I find worshipping Satan brings me inner peace and centres me.’

Rudd’s conversion marks only the latest Hollywood star – Selena Gomez and Christian Slater have also recently declared themselves Satanists – in what is quickly becoming what many are calling the ‘New Scientology’. A new high tech and air conditioned Center for the Promotion of Beelzebub  has opened off Sunset Boulevard, where new celebrity devotees can gather and practice their various Black Masses and rituals.

Paul Rudd speaking from his Hollywood home said:

People think that it’s all worshiping upside down crucifixes, sacrificing babies and desecrating churches. Well I’ve never seen an upside down crucifix, but two out of three ain’t bad, ha ha ha!

Tom Cruise angrily responded to the claims that Satanism had now overtaken Scientology as the new nut-bag spiritual fad.

These people are weak minded and they’re being taken in by charlatans who are basically inventing a lot of gobbledegook that people like Ruddy are just swallowing whole. The main problem is it’s cheaper than Scientology.

Bishop Humbert Humbert of the Roman Catholic church however welcomed the surge in commitment:

What we should focus on here is the fact that these people believe in the same beings we believe in. We’ve been fighting against the wave of Godless atheism, so I frankly welcome Satanists as on our team. I’d rather have a Rudd than a Dawkins any day of the week.

What do you think? Are you a Satanist? Has anyone got video evidence of Paul Rudd eating a baby? Please post comments letting us know your thoughts.

ALEJANDRO JODOROWSKY TO MAKE EDGAR WRIGHT ANT-MAN DOCUMENTARY

HOLLYWOOD – Surrealist director Alejandro Jodorowsky will direct a documentary chronically the ill-fated Edgar Wright Ant-Man film.

Famed El Topo director Alejandro Jodorowsky turns his attention to another filmmaker in a new documentary about Edgar Wright’s unfinished Ant-Man movie. Speaking EXCLUSIVELY with the Studio Exec, Jodorowsky had this to say:

I love cinema. But more than cinema even I love the impossible cinema of the incomplete. No film is more pure than the unmade film. This was seen already with my version of Dune. Then there was even Rob Schneider’s version, which I would have loved to have seen. Edgar’s version of Ant-Man is another of these invisible visions. A silent echo of a master imagination, which we now only hear hushed voices speak of. edgar wright

Edgar Wright signed on to direct Ant-Man for Marvel and he and Joe Cornish wrote a screenplay. However, when Marvel wanted to have a rewrite Wright wrote it couldn’t be rewritten. Jodorowsky continues:

Wright had worked on Ant-Man for eight years. It was a project close to his emotional core. The vision he pursued looked to change the history of cinema as we know it. Imagine what Paul Rudd, in the hands of a master such as Wright, could have become. How he would mould him. Change him. Instead Peyton Reed came along and just made yet another Marvel film. I was sick to my stomach when I saw it.  It is a missed opportunity to put beside Stanley Kubrick’s Napoleon movie and Steven Spielberg remake of The Human Centipede.

Alejandro Jodorwsky’s next film is Barnacles.

MARVEL FILMS ‘BASICALLY LIKE THE WEATHER’

HOLLYWOOD – Marvel films have now become basically like the weather, a new study by scientists from the internet has reported.

With an ever increasing crop of Marvel films every year – Ant-Man and The Avengers: Age of Ultron have already hit the screens – the prevalence of superhero films from the Marvel stable has rendered them basically the same as the weather.

Dr. Rupert Magget of the Weather Channel told the Studio Exec:

There are tribes in the Amazon rain forest that have never spoken on a telephone, never seen a television and don’t have a word in their language for Frappucino. And these tribes are looking forward to the Guardians of the Galaxy sequel and talk about nothing but when the Black Widow is going to get a stand alone movie.

How do you explain this dominance?

Some would say that the ruling ideas of any epoch are the ideas of the ruling class. Actually Karl Marx would say that. So if we look at what Marvel produces, stories about small elite teams of individuals being given carte blanche to do anything and justified by a constant state of terror which is always threatening to destroy the world but actually doesn’t then … well, I don’t know. Tony Stark is a one percenter, Captain America is someone for whom the Second World War never actually finished and the Hulk is someone who destroys cities with apparent impunity. All of these are supported by a mysterious NSA style organisation with a huge budget.

But some would say that the Marvel films are critical of themselves and investigate these very points.

Perhaps. But what is interesting is that when we talk about the Marvel Universe, we’re not just talking about a fictive space in which many different stories exist in the same geographical and historical space, we’re also talking about an ideological uniformity that is actually quite fascistic. Look at Iron Man, we’re concerned about his state of mind, his state of being and ultimately everything is resolved because of his ability to apply force, rendering all other questions null and void.

Jesus. This got really serious.

I’m just a weatherman.

Okay. So what has this got to do with the weather?

Well, that’s just about how many Marvel films we’re getting. And not just how many but with each film we get a round of trailers, first glimpses, photos, rumors, interviews, it’s just endless. Now, like weather, it just kind of blends into one thing.

What about the DC Comics Universe?

I don’t know what that is.

Captain America: Civil War, Doctor Strange and Guardians of the Galaxy 2 are all due out in 2016.

5 FACTS YOU NEVER KNEW ABOUT PAUL RUDD

HOLLYWOOD – Paul Rudd will soon be appearing in ANT-MAN, but what do we really know about the man?

Now, 5 FACTuals about Paul Rudd, actor and nice guy.

1. Paul Rudd made his name as the inventor of the popular tabletop game Jenga, which he developed with Steve Carrell, but then he gave away the patents to a children’s charity, because he didn’t think anyone should profit from humanity’s need to play stupid games way past the age when it makes sense.

2. Paul Rudd writes and directs all of Judd Apatow’s films, but he refuses to take any credit because a) he’s just such a nice guy and b) they’re all shit.

3. Paul Rudd is a fruitarian, but he won’t eat grapes because ‘they’re so cute.’ While preparing for Ant-Man, Paul ate nothing but watermelons, leading Edgar Wright to nickname him ‘Watermelon-Man.’ When a Marvel exec heard this, they assumed it was racist and fired Wright.  

4. To prepare for his role in “I Love You, Man,” Paul Rudd murdered fifteen homeless people.

5. Paul Rudd’s father was an airline pilot, and Paul traveled frequently with him. Once, when his father was drunk, Paul put the Boeing 747 into a spin, an event which became the real-life inspiration for the Denzel Washington film “Flight.”

For more FACTS Click Here.

PAUL RUDD: ‘I WORSHIP SATAN’

LOS ANGELES – Paul Rudd has become the latest in a long line of stars to declare their deep and abiding religious belief in the Prince of Darkness, Satan.

‘Hollywood can be a crazy place and being an actor can be a stressful occupation,’ the This is Forty star said smiling affably. ‘I find worshipping Satan brings me inner peace and centres me.’

Rudd’s conversion marks only the latest Hollywood star – Selena Gomez and Christian Slater have also recently declared themselves Satanists – in what is quickly becoming what many are calling the ‘New Scientology’. A new high tech and air conditioned Center for the Promotion of Beelzebub  has opened off Sunset Boulevard, where new celebrity devotees can gather and practice their various Black Masses and rituals.

Paul Rudd speaking from his Hollywood home said:

People think that it’s all worshiping upside down crucifixes, sacrificing babies and desecrating churches, well I’ve never seen an upside down crucifix, but two out of three ain’t bad, ha ha ha!

Tom Cruise angrily responded to the claims that Satanism had now overtaken Scientology as the new nut-bag spiritual fad.

These people are weak minded and they’re being taken in by charlatans who are basically inventing a lot of gobbledegook that people like Ruddy are just swallowing whole. The main problem is it’s cheaper than Scientology.

Bishop Humbert Humbert of the Roman Catholic church however welcomed the surge in commitment:

What we should focus on here is the fact that these people believe in the same beings we believe in. We’ve been fighting against the wave of Godless atheism, so I frankly welcome Satanists as on our team. I’d rather have a Rudd than a Dawkins any day of the week.

What do you think? Are you a Satanist? Has anyone got video evidence of Paul Rudd eating a baby? Please post comments letting us know your thoughts.

17 THINGS WE KNOW ABOUT ANT MAN

Marvel’s Ant Man is the flavour of the week and rather than doing something constructive with our lives such as building shelters for the homeless or conducting illegal eugenics experiments in a bid to create the perfect soldier, we scoured the internet to compile a list of stuff we know about a movie we don’t really care about.

  1. No humpback whales were harmed during the making of Ant Man.
  2. An anagram of Ant Man is Man Ant.
  3. Paul Rudd is allergic to swords.
  4. Joe Cornish is making his own version of Ant Man using socket puppets and an Iphone camera.
  5. Michael Douglas’ penis had it’s own trailer.
  6. Jay Z will not feature on the soundtrack, but he’s got lots of money so he’ll probably sit in one of the luxury seats in the cinema and take his own popcorn and drinks rather than pay  for them in the foyer because you don’t get rich by wasting money.
  7. Steven Spielberg considered directing Ant Man but instead chose to stare at a specially adapted kettle that never boils.
  8. Ants are allergic to hammers.
  9. Paul Rudd’s nickname is ‘Sexual Purgatory’.
  10. Michael Shannon will make a cameo in Ant Man playing a guy who thinks he’s Michael Shannon but is actually Richard Rowntree.
  11. What do you call an asshole ant? A pedant.
  12. Peyton Reed directed Jim Carrey in Yes Man which is the same film as Liar, Liar, but not the same film, because he says yes a lot rather than lies, but it’s still the same film.
  13. I had to look up Peyton Reed’s name because I couldn’t remember who the director was.
  14. You can legally marry an ant in the Yemen as long as the ant is a practicing heterosexual.
  15. The square root of 69 is 8.306
  16. The capital of Equatorial Guinea is Malabo
  17. Dogs CAN look up.

EDGAR WRIGHT REVEALS WHY HE LEFT ANT-MAN

HOLLYWOOD – British film director Edgar Wright has revealed for the first time the real reason he left the Marvel project Ant-Man: his commitment to practical effects.

Speaking exclusively to the Studio Exec, the Sean of the Dead director spoke for the first time of his differences with Marvel producer Kevin Feige:

[quote]Marvel has become a very well oiled machine. You have to remember I was working on the Ant-Man script long before Iron Man and The Avengers had come out. Before Thor and Captain America too. So Marvel were very open to the direction I was taking, which was going to rely on practical effects exclusively. I hate CGI and would never use it in a film of mine. Of course that meant I had to construct huge sets and film Paul Rudd from a distance with a long lens so that he’d look small. I also had him on a diet and made him sleep in this contraption, kind of the opposite of those medieval torture machines, you know the rack, the opposite of that. [/quote]

You mean….?

Yeah, instead of stretching him, it would crush him into a smaller version of Paul Rudd. If you watch Prince Avalanche you’ll actually see his size shifts as the film progresses. Worse than Kate Winslett in Titanic. Ha ha. Well, he complained a little and Marvel began to talk about using CGI. I said no and our arguments got progressively more heated. I suppose the straw that broke the camel’s back was when I fired Rudd.

You fired Paul Rudd?

Yeah. I wasn’t satisfied with his performance. I thought instead of having a man with the powers of an ant, I could more easily train an ant to act convincingly as a man. And for once my option would have been cheaper. But we, me and Marvel, disagreed. It became obvious that Marvel wanted Ant-MAN, whereas I was making ANT-man. So in the end we had two incompatible visions, but there should be no hard feelings. I wish them luck. Although I wish they hadn’t replaced me with that hack Haneke.

Michael Haneke’s Ant-Man will be released in 2015.

 

5 FACTS WE LEARNED FROM COMIC-CON

SAN DIEGO – The Comic-Con Convention continues to provide amazing copy, with some amazing news coming out for film and TV fans. Here’s what we have learned so far.

Continue reading “5 FACTS WE LEARNED FROM COMIC-CON”

MICHAEL HANEKE TO DIRECT ANT-MAN

HOLLYWOOD – Following the departure of Edgar Wright, rumour has been rife about who will succeed him in the director’s chair for the Marvel movie Ant-Man, but now we have a name: Funny Games director Michael Haneke.

Kevin Feige – announcing the decision –  said:

We are absolutely delighted to have a film-maker of Mike’s calibre on board. He has a visual style that fits the Marvel universe and knows exactly what we want to do. We’ve had many great directors – Joss Whedon, and Kenneth Branagh,  and we also had Jon Favreau.

What do you think Haneke will bring to the franchise?

Primarily his sensibility. He has that European outlook which will really go well with Ant-Man. Plus he worked well with Paul Rudd.

Haneke worked with Rudd?

Yeah, in The White Ribbon, he had an uncredited role. Rudd loves his art house. He was raped in a Gaspar Noé film, I forget which one.

But isn’t it a risk giving such a big budget to a director unfamiliar with the genre?

Unfamiliar? Are you kidding me? For starters, Haneke loves comic books, his agent says. And he showed he could handle this kind of material in Benny’s Video and Spider-man.

Yeah. Wait, what?

Don’t you know he did three Spider-Man films? The last one wasn’t great shakes, but…

That was Sam Raimi.

Haneke borrowed Sam Raimi’s name as his nom de plume. He didn’t want his Cineaste credentials besmirched.

But I thought Raimi…

Couldn’t direct you to your table if he owned the restaurant. No, it was all Haneke. From Army of Darkness on. 

Wow.

Yeah. 

Ant-Man will be released in 2015.