LONDON– Andy Murray’s Wimbledon semi-final match was throw into chaos this morning after respected historian Simon Schama was arrested for attempting to decapitate the tennis star with a claymore.
I’m convinced that Murray is an Immortal. Not only is he Scottish and a huge fan of the band Queen but his resemblance to a young Christopher Lambert is uncanny. Unfortunately the only way to prove my theory is to sever his head from his body.
I saw a middle aged man run onto the court waving a sword and head towards Andy. Fortunately Lendl spotted him, smashed a forehand towards the assailant and the ball struck him on the back of the skull rendering him unconscious.
Whilst we strongly condemn the attack, it is our duty to ensure that no player has an unfair advantage. Currently the rules do not state that Highlanders cannot take part in the tournament though the Quickening could be regarded as a performance enhancing stimulant.
Well. It might be true; it might not be true. All I know for sure is Andy is one step away from the Wimbledon final and when we get to that stage… There can be only one.