VAN SANT EXORCIST REMAKE IN B&W GREENLIT

GREENLIT – A Gus Van Sant Exorcist remake in black and white has been greenlit. Following the runaway success of the director’s Psycho remake, the Van Sant Exorcist remake is to be a black and white, shot for shot version. The Exec caught up with the director at Exec HQ to find out more.

So, Gus Van Sant, an Exorcist remake. Where did you get that idea?

‘Look man, we made so much fucking money with my Psycho remake, we didn’t know what to do with all that cash. It was a huge smash hit, ya dig? So anyway, there I was with my manager, floating in our money swimming pool when we heard about these Exorcist sequels with Ellen Burstyn on board. Me and my manager looked at each other with dollar signs in our eyes. We both said at the same time, ‘THE POWER OF CASH COMPELS YOU!’ It’s as simple as that.

Will Your Remake Be A Part Of These New Films?

If they make any kind of decent green, then yes, of course we’re part of the franchise. If they don’t, no fucking way man, ours is a stand-alone remake.

Have You Cast The Film Yet?

Yeah, you betcha we have. We got Andrew Scott playing Father Karras. Because who don’t love a sexy priest? I’ve seen Fleabag. People go wild for that shit. Brian Cox will play Father Merrin, but we’ll just get him to shout ‘Oh, fuck off!’ throughout the exorcism. You know, just like he does in that Meme-GIF thing. And we got Macauley Culkin playing Regan.

Is Regan Going To Be A Grown Man In This Version?

No. What do you mean?

Well, Regan Is A Little Girl In The Original. And Culkin is male. A grown man.

No he isn’t. He’s that cute little boy that gets left home alone in that movie… I can’t remember the name of it now.

Home Alone.

I know he is. I just said that, but what’s the name of the movie?

 

It’s Home A… Never Mind. Forget It.

The Exorcist Redux Starts Shooting In 2022.

ANDREW SCOTT CAUGHT IN ATTIC WEARING T-SHIRT

LONDON – Andrew Scott is photographed wearing a faded pink shirt in a dirty warehouse.

You might know him as Moriarty from TV’s Sherlock, or as the villain in Spectre, or Mission Impossible: Rogue Nation, but Andrew Scott was reeling today at the revelation that he was wearing a pink t-shirt in an attic.

The evidence was published in the British newspaper The Independent and clearly shows the 39 year old actor sitting on a disused radiator, leaning on the windowsill of what looks like some kind of grimy warehouse. The Irish actor says that he was rehearsing a play, but critics quickly pointed out that as Scott was famous from being on television and in big budget films it simply wasn’t credible that he would be in a ‘play’ which is something that takes place in the theater, according to experts. In the photograph, he can be seen smiling weakly and wearing a faded pink t-shirt and jeans. His arms are folded in an attempt at nonchalance, but in his eyes a deep sadness brims to the surface, seeming to say ‘Why am I sitting on the windowsill of a grimy warehouse wearing this t-shirt? I’m so cold. So cold.’

His Hollywood co-stars were quick to defend him. Tom Cruise said that ‘Andrew is one of the most talented actors I’ve ever worked with. And if he wants to wear a faded pink t-shirt I say let him. I’m sure he was doing it to prepare for a role or something.’ Taking a break from taking a break from Bond, Daniel Craig said that the photograph was ‘typical Scott.’

 What you have to understand is that Andrew is a joker. Chances are you’ll see another couple of pictures of him wearing a fake fur coat and standing on a beach near a power station or something similar.

Andrew Scott will be appearing in The Dazzle.