AFTER BREXIT CHILDREN OF MEN RECLASSIFIED AS DOCUMENTARY

LONDON – Following the shock result of the UK referendum to leave the European Union, the dystopian satire Children of Men has been reclassified as a documentary.

The British Film Institute has reclassified Alfonso Cuaron’s 2006 dystopian satire Children of Men following the Brexit result of the UK referendum on the European Union. A spokesperson for the BFI said:

The thing is we originally thought that the racism and hatred towards immigrants shown in Cuaron’s film was over the top, but actually we see that it is the driving thought of most little Englanders, of who there are much more than we realized.

But why is the BFI making such a political stance?

Well, did you like An Education? Or Hunger? Or Macbeth, Nanny McPhee, Amy, or Tinker Tailor, Soldier ,Spy? Or Game of Thrones? Or Under the Skin, or Pride, or Berbarian Sound Studio?

I didn’t like Nanny McPhee.

But did you like The Lobster, fish Tank, Belle? Shaun the Sheep?

Yes.

Then those were all made with vital help from the EU Media fund which paid the UK over 130 million pounds over the last decade. That won’t be there anymore.

Oh.

Exactly.

Children of Men star Clive Owen.

CAREY MULLIGAN VOWS TO KILL PAPARAZZO

HOLLYWOOD – Waif-like pixie star of fragile beauty Carey Mulligan – star of An Education, Drive and The Great Gatsby – yesterday vowed to hunt and kill a paparazzo in what is becoming a disturbing new craze among the young and powerful in tinsel town.

‘They’ve had it their way too long,’ said Ms. Mulligan, announcing the first annual Hollywood paparazzi cull. ‘And now it’s our turn.’

Kanye West was arrested for jumping the gun slightly with an early strike on a photographer but cull organizer Hilary Swank put it down to ‘boyish exuberance’ and played down criticism, citing Nicole Kidman’s recent experience as justification.

They stalk us; they call us names and they even ride bikes into us. It’s time for a little pay back.

The cull – which is sponsored by Gucci – will see stars from across the Hollywood spectrum from Kurt Russell to Benedict Cumberbatch going after all photojournalists, armed mainly with diamond embossed throwing stars and decollete crossbows. Ms. Mulligan, however,has proven herself the most blood thirsty enthusiast, vowing to collect scalps which she will wear dripping with gore to the premier of her new film Far From the Madding Crowd.

A spokesman for the LAPD advised photojournalists to stay away from Beverly Hills if they could at all avoid it, but asked if they were going to take any action against Carey and her pals revealed that they were not inclined to ‘as she has such a fresh complexion’.

The 1st Annual Paparazzi Cull last from the 16th of September to the 23rd.