EMILE HIRSCH TO CAGE FIGHT AMY PASCAL

HOLLYWOOD – Into the Wild star Emile Hirsch is starting a second career as a cage fighter, and his first opponent? None other than former Sony Exec Amy Pascal.

The news comes following Emile Hirsch’s recent alleged choke hold of an Exec during a party at the Sundance Film Festival. Fight promoter Joey Knuckles spoke to the Studio Exec EXCLUSIVELY:

I was present at the party by pure chance and I saw Hirsch’s move. His technique was exemplary and I thought to myself this guy’s got something. I managed to corner him later and I pitched him the idea of a cage fight. Apparently his film career isn’t exactly flying so he almost took my arm off.

What about Amy Pascal? Why did she agree to the fight?

Amy called me. As soon as she heard I was looking for an opponent for Emile she began ringing me five or six times a day. It turns out a lot of execs feel their pride has been tarnished. I mean physical and verbal abuse? That’s their job. So Amy has been in training – she’s had a lot of spare time apparently – and she is very eager to get in the cage and ‘kick that little boy’s ass’, as she told me.

The fight has ignited old rivalries in Hollywood with the actors all siding with Hirsch and the executives crowding round Amy’s corner.

So who is the favorite?

Well, they’re fairly evenly matched but wioth very different fighting stylesEmile Hirsch is known for his nipping and Chinese burns, while Pascal during her time at Sony was nicknamed the kidney punch Queen.

The fight will be televised on HBO at 9 pm EST. 

NEW ENTRY INTO GHOSTBUSTERS UNIVERSE

HOLLYWOOD – Sony have announced they will be releasing three films into the ‘Ghostbusters Universe’: an all female one, a male prequel and one featuring an animated dragon, ‘you know, for kids’.

An insider (not Amy Pascal) told the Studio Exec EXCLUSIVELY:

We’re very excited about the possibility of genuinely exploring all the different aspects of the Ghostbusters Universe. Of course, we had the animated series already. We just thought that was like a spin off thing for the kids, but it turns out we were universe building even back then.

Can you tell us anything about the new film?

Of course, How to Train Your Ghost Dragon will see Venkman Jr. befriend a ghost dragon which his dad and his pals are trying to bust. Venkman Jr. learns to fly the ghost dragon and in the end there is a mutual understanding as the two outsider find a common bond, protecting New York from another ghost who really is a bastard.

How did you come up with the idea?

Well, we were in talks with Dreamworks about doing a co-production on something and they had this script for How to Train Your Dragon 3, but they weren’t 100 percent happy with it. They felt the quality was really falling off and it was going to be difficult to hook audiences for the third time around. Then someone – and to this day we don’t know who – said Ghostbusters, really quiet like. It was magical, we all actually heard a ca-ching! sound like God was blessing us. With money.

How to Train your Ghost-Dragon will be released in 2016.

Image courtesy of @ThePixelFactor

AMY PASCAL JOINS THE STUDIO EXEC

HOLLYWOOD – Sony Executive and email writer-strordinaire Amy Pascal has joined the Studio Exec team, expressing her relief to finally find a job ‘which is genuinely important’.

Amy took time out from her busy schedule of interviews to speak with her new employer The Studio Exec.

Frankly SE, I’m relieved. When I worked at Sony, the pressure was unbelievable. You had to work up enthusiasm for The Amazing Spider-Man 2 and pretend Seth Rogen was the new John Belushi. It was soul destroying. And then there was the constant danger of being strangled to death by Emile Hirsch.

Jesus!

Yeah. I know.

How did it feel being fired?

Of course it was upsetting at the time, but I also had a list of things I wanted to do if I left and at the top of that list it was to write for a genuinely subversive and hilarious satire blog.

Great.

Unfortunately, The Onion weren’t hiring so I came over to you.

Whoa!

I’m kidding. I kid.

Not funny, Amy.

Okay so I’m already fitting in.

Hey hurtful. Not cool.

There I go again. I thought you’d like it. Mixing it up with the boys here.

Yeah well, if we’d wanted an asshole we would have hired Scott Rudin.

Okay, okay, gotcha.

So Amy what’s your first column going to be about?

It’s going to be called Kim Jong Un is Big Fat Whiny Bitch.

Amy Pascal’s new column will be published every Sunday on www.thestudioexec.com

5 FACTS WE LEARNED FROM THE SONY HACK

HOLLYWOOD – The Sony Hack has brought about many revelations – Angelina Jolie is talentless and studio execs are not politically correct – but what else have we learned?

The Studio Exec FACT squad has launched itself past the rubble of the firewall to find out.

1. In Sony Pictures, The Amazing Spider-Man franchise is considered a punishment detail – a kind of naughty step – where badly behaved executives are sent. In many of the leaked emails, Sony employees are told that ‘if you are not careful you’ll be co-producing The Amazing Spider-Man 3 and 4’.

2.  The new James Bond film will feature a plot in which Daniel Craig’s James Bond wakes up in Christoph Waltz’s Blofeld’s body. Rumors about Waltz being the first Austrian 007 (rumors first reported here), are therefore proven to be kind of true.

3. Michael Fassbender has a big penis and this plays on the minds of male studio execs constantly. Female studio execs also think about it from time to time. Sometimes they think about it in the same way. Sometimes different. One email exchange reads: ‘ What do you think of Michael Fassbender as a possible nemesis for Spider-Man?’ ‘Re: Spider-man nemesis 1. He is already in X-Men and 2. he has a really large penis.’ ‘Re:re: Spider-Man. 1. I didn’t think about that. 2. Jeez I know. It’s like a baby’s arm!’

4. Nobody wants to see Annie, even without paying money.

5. Ralph Macchio is running Sony from a hovercraft base somewhere off the coast of Japan. According to emails to and from Macchio and Amy Pascal and Michael Lynton, Macchio keeps the entire running of the film company under his thumb, using a combination of his sensei wisdom, his martial artist prowess and his flawless knowledge of computer systems. It is thought that Macchio’s old eighties nemesis, Matthew Broderick engineered the whole hack as a way of getting back at the Karate Kid star for rebuffing his advances to remake Freebie and the Bean.

For more Movie FACTS CLICK HERE!  

SONY EMAIL CALLS JAMES FRANCO ‘TALENTED’

HOLLYWOOD – Already reeling from the revelations of the recent hacking by the Guardians of the Peace, a new Sony email has revealed that top ranking executives thought James Franco was ‘talented’.

The exchange between Scott Rudin and Amy Pascal is much more amicable than the one previously published and involving the development of the Jobs movie. Even though the culprit has been arrested, hacked material continues to emerge.

<<Hey Amy,

Listen. I’m really pleased with the idea of casting James Franco with his buddy and Pineapple Express co-star Seth Rogen. I think the two are dynamite together. They will be this millennia’s Abbot and Costello. Mark my words. Good job Amy.

Scott>>

 <<Hi Scott,

Thanks for the words of encouragement. I know we don’t always see eye to eye (cf. Jobs emails) but I think we can both agree that James Franco is a no-brainer for this one. The guy has the whole package: smart, funny and dreamy to look at. Am I right?

Amy>>

 <<Hey Amy,

No you’re not wrong. Plus he’s a nice guy as well. And I hear he writes novels too. I’ve never read his book but one of my assistants tells me that it’s actually not horrible. Not that horrible.

Scott>>

<<Scott,

We should do more for Franco. I don’t think the world has had the opportunity to truly appreciate what a ‘talented’ guy he actually is. I mean, Spider-man 2 was obviously a game-changer, but he directs and writes poetry and appeared in a documentary about Marina Abramovic, the Eastern European tennis player.

Amy>>

<<Amy,

I love tennis! Jesus, it’s just crazy about how much we agree on this. I think we should just create a massive money pot dedicated to helping Franco do whatever it is he wants to do. Years from now the world will look back on this moment and say ‘Why did they not give the star of Oz: The Great and Powerful more exposure.

The Interview will be released despite all of this.