GEORGE LUCAS WORKING ON ROM-COM

HOLLYWOOD – George Lucas revealed today the nature of his long-awaited new project: a rom-com called Button Pants.

THX 1138, American Graffiti and Star Wars director George Lucas has a new project. And he came over to the Studio Exec bungalow to talk EXCLUSIVELY about the idea:

It’s completely different from what I’ve done in the past. Frankly, I want to get away from big budget fantasy and sci-fi and go back to my roots as an experimental arty film director. I want to make low budget personal films. Small films. You dig, SE?

Lay it on me daddio!

Groovy. Well, I call it Button Pants.

I like it already. 

It’s about this guy who wants to buy a pair of button pants. But he lives in this small town where the only pant shop sells you know trousers with zippers. So he goes on this road journey to find pants with buttons.

What’s the title again?

Button Pants.

It sounds fantastic. 

Thanks, man. He meets this girl and she’s trying to find a dress with like hooks instead of zippers or buttons.

There’s a theme emerging.

I knew you’d understand. So they team up together and one night he confesses a dreadful secret.

Intriguing. 

You see his mother never knew a man and he was conceived via the Midichlorians. There’s a real chance that he could be the one who will bring balance to the Force. He complains a bit about sand and then the two are kidnapped and taken to the Death Star.

Wait. What the fuck? What happened to the button pants?

I’ll get back to it. Luckily, on the Death Star, they team up with an old star pirate called San Holo and his large Mookie Smokkacigaretta.

Fuck off, George. 

Together, they… hey ow.

Button Pants will be released in 2020 by Disney.

 

 

HARRISON FORD’S AUTOBIOGRAPHY: PART 1

HOLLYWOOD – Han Solo, Indiana Jones and Force Ten From Navarone star Harrison Ford has written his autobiography A Humble Carpenter: Like Jesus and the Studio Exec is proud to publish EXCLUSIVE extracts.

From Chapter One.
I’ll never forget the first day my dad gave me a hammer. It was a proper tool, not some toy.
While he was working, I would sit in his workshop surrounded by the smell of sawdust, wood chip and glue and I’d hammer nails into a block of wood.
Years later I would be hammering a nail into a door frame as I renovated Francis Ford Coppola’s office in San Francisco when the big man would say to me, ‘Hey would you like a part in my new movie, Apocalypse Now?’
I looked at him for five seconds, then I said, ‘Can I finish this first?’
Of course Apocalypse Now was an incredible film to be involved in.
I still wasn’t thinking of myself as an actor. Money from my carpentry was putting the clothes on my children’s backs and I was loathe to start pursuing a dream I had tried and failed to achieve once already. Harvey Keitel was supposed to be the star but something went wrong and Marty Sheen was brought in to replace him. Then Marty had a heart attack. Then there was a typhoon and the stage for the Playboy bunnies sequence was swept away.
Suddenly Coppola grabbed me.
‘You’re a great actor,’ he said. ‘But now I need a carpenter.’
I looked at him for five seconds, then I said, ‘I’ll get my tools.’
From Chapter Two.
As good as it was to get some acting work with Francis, Apocalypse Now was not going to get the phone ringing. My role was small and I was basically an exposition vehicle. Still, Francis is a loyal friend and when I got back to San Francisco he promised he would help me find work.
There was a young director he knew from film school who was going to make a very exciting film about the birth of rock and roll in small town America.
I thought that this might be the chance I needed and I was very excited when George – that was his name – phoned and said he wanted to see me. I went out to his house the next day and he showed me into a room. There were piles of books on the floor.
‘You see these,’ he said. ‘I don’t know what to do with them. I keep tripping up on them, there in the way.’
I pointed to an alcove. ‘I could put some shelves up there.’
‘Shelves?’ he said, suspiciously.
‘Yeah,’ I said. ‘Book shelves.’
He thought for a moment and then began to nod excitedly, ‘Yeah book shelves! That sounds terrific.’
I was so happy to have got the job, I drove straight home and told my wife. ‘But what about the movie?’ she said.
Women! Always thinking of something else.

Harrison Ford’s A Humble Carpenter, Like Jesus is available from all good book stores.

BREAKFAST WITH ASSHOLES 21: LUKE SKYWALKER

Luke (1977)





TATOOINE – Luke Skywalker – the real life inspiration for George Lucas’ young farm boy turned Death Star redecorator – has spoken for the first time about the impact Star Wars has had on his life.
We met at Dex’s Diner just outside of Beggar’s Canyon and spoke over a breakfast of coffee and flapjacks. 

How did you first meet George Lucas?

It were the seventies and George came into my uncle’s shop to get himself a tattoo. He wanted something to remember American Graffiti by. And my Uncle Owen was doing it and Georgie there, well he was nervous as all hell and he kept on saying smaller, smaller. And so I said “Shucks, you don’t want a tattoo you want a tattoo-weeny.” He began scribbling stuff down after that in this yella pad.

When did you realise he had used you as inspiration?

I went along to see the film everyone was talking about and I was aghast. He’d used Uncle Owen, Aunt Beru, he’d even taken the name of the Moss Eisley Shopping Mall from Alderaanville. So the whole county was talking about it.

Why haven’t you talked about it until now?

We originally thought we can make some money out of this. Have like tourists come and visit. But it turned out that George had gone straight to the town hall after he got his tattoo and bought the job lot of us due to a loophole Steven Spielberg had told him about in them there slave laws they used to have. We was all indentured to him as part of his ancillary rights. Weren’t nothing we could do. Then last week he came back to town and done freed us all. He’d seen Lincoln and saw the error of his ways. So now we can talk.

That’s amazing! And how has your life changed now?

I don’t think it’s changed that much. I’ve got my family. I am happily married to Leia.

Oh so in real life she isn’t your sister?  

 No, she is.

Star Wars 7 is due to be released in 2015. 

AMERICAN GRAFFITI: THE BLU RAY SPECIAL EDITION

Are you ready to rock around the…DIGITAL clock???

Writer-director George Lucas is gearing up to revisit his 1973 coming of age classic, American Graffiti, but with a twist. Using the vast array of digital technology at his disposal, he will be updating the film for a modern audience and changing its setting from 1962 to 1987.

Some of the changes include:

  • Gone the 1960’s clothing, the old-school American diners, the classic cars and the rock & roll soundtrack. Now, the kids are wearing batwing sweaters, leather ties and stonewashed denim. 
  • Modesto will be alive with neon lights and porno theaters, with DeLoreans, Chevrolet Camaros and Dodge Plymouths cruising the strip. 
  • And the musical bedrock of the film now reverberates to the sounds of Wang Chung, Def Leppard, Duran Duran and Madonna. 
  • Wolfman Jack’s voice will also be replaced with Howard Stern (TBC).

Lucas explains, “The events of American Graffiti take place over a single night in 1962. But when I originally wrote and directed the film, I had always wanted to set it the 1980s, but the technology wasn’t yet available to enable me to do this. Now, forty years on, it is the ideal time to revisit the movie and update it for a whole new audience who are now nostalgic about the 80s. I also wanted to alter the fates of the core characters, so that they are more in keeping with that decade. So, for example, the title card at the very end of the film will no longer tell us that Toad disappeared in Vietnam, but that he lost a fortune on the stock market and jumped out of a window.”

George Lucas yesterday

Special Edition producer, Rick McCallum, who has rejoined Lucasfilm especially to oversee this project, sighed, “It’s George’s thing. He can do what he wants with it, I guess.”

Asked to comment on the changes, cast member Ron Howard said, “He’s doing WHAT?”

The special effects wizards at Lucas’ own Industrial Light & Magic have already begun the mammoth task of updating the film. Zak Jones, 39, has spent the last five months painstakingly replacing Richard Dreyfuss’ famous check shirt with a “Smiley face” t-shirt, frame-by-frame. Jones said, “I saw Star Wars when I was a young kid and ever since then all I ever wanted to do was work for ILM on a George Lucas movie! And now I want to die.”

When asked if he’d be giving American Graffiti‘s lesser-known 1979 sequel, More American Graffiti, the same treatment, Lucas responded, “I don’t think so. NOBODY would want to see THAT!” He then paused for a moment and cut short the interview to make an urgent phone call.

American Graffiti : The Special Edition will be in theaters as soon as is humanly possible.