HOLLYWOOD – Director Steven Spielberg announced earlier today that he has a script for a film based on the recent US elections – and he’ll start pre-production in the new year.

Spielberg, whose Lincoln biopic is due for release on November 16th,  also confirmed that he has his cast in place, and is considering shooting in the 3D format.

We caught up with Steven at his retreat in Martha’s Vineyard.

Mr Spielberg. Surely everyone is sick to their back teeth of the elections. Why make a film?

I don’t think people know the real story behind this election and I consider it my duty as an artist to reveal the wizards behind the curtain.


I don’t mean actual Wizards they’re all too busy working overtime onThe Hobbit.

So what do you mean.Are you saying the Klu Klux Klan influenced the elections?

No, I was referencing The Wizard of Oz.

Oh I see. You mean the film with James Franco which is out next year?

No, I mean the 1939 Victor Flemming version starring Judy Garland.

Sorry, it doesn’t ring any bells. So who are these ‘Wizards’ – as you call them?

You’ll have to wait until the movie comes out.

I’d rather know now if you don’t mind.

Well, let’s just say there were invisible forces pulling the strings in the background and they tried, but ultimately failed, to get Mitt Romney elected.

Invisible forces? Wizards lingering behind drapes? Apologies Steven but this all sounds preposterous.

It might seem far fetched but trust me – when you see the film all will become clear.

Can’t you just clear it up now? I’m doing an interview with Adam Samberg in 30 minutes.


Ah. Well why didn’t you just say so that’s perfectly plausible. Anyway, who is in your cast?

Mel Gibson will play Romney and Robert Downey Jnr will play Obama.

I understand the casting of Downey Jnr, he was born to play the role, but Mel Gibson?!

What’s wrong with Mel he’s a very talented actor?
Sure, but aren’t you offended by his anti-Semitic beliefs? You being a gentleman of Jewish persuasion and all.

Oh that old business. Look, I believe a man should have a second chance and Mel was suffering with an alcohol dependency at the time. Forgive and forget I say.

That’s a very noble attitude. What if he goes on another of his rants?

If he does then I’ll click my fingers and a Mossad assassin will execute him forthwith. Hopefully it won’t come to that.

Ah good. Okay, Steven that about wraps it up. Just one more question. What do you think of George Lucas’ billion-dollar Disney deal which will effectively make him the most powerful man in the industry. Are you pleased about your old friends success, or are you angered that you are destined to live in his gargantuan shadow for the rest of your life?



WASHINGTON – An aid to Governor Romney said that in preparation to tonight’s historic Presidential debate, the Romney camp screened the Hostel trilogy and The Human Centipede: 1 & 2.

‘We did start by you know doing talking points and memorizing statistics, but then Mitt got bored and so to get him in the zone we watched some splatter,’ said Tobe Mickell.

The move seems to have been taken straight from the Obama camp playbook where it is well known that President Obama often indulges in Saw marathons before keynote speeches.