AMY PASCAL JOINS THE STUDIO EXEC

HOLLYWOOD – Sony Executive and email writer-strordinaire Amy Pascal has joined the Studio Exec team, expressing her relief to finally find a job ‘which is genuinely important’.

Amy took time out from her busy schedule of interviews to speak with her new employer The Studio Exec.

Frankly SE, I’m relieved. When I worked at Sony, the pressure was unbelievable. You had to work up enthusiasm for The Amazing Spider-Man 2 and pretend Seth Rogen was the new John Belushi. It was soul destroying. And then there was the constant danger of being strangled to death by Emile Hirsch.

Jesus!

Yeah. I know.

How did it feel being fired?

Of course it was upsetting at the time, but I also had a list of things I wanted to do if I left and at the top of that list it was to write for a genuinely subversive and hilarious satire blog.

Great.

Unfortunately, The Onion weren’t hiring so I came over to you.

Whoa!

I’m kidding. I kid.

Not funny, Amy.

Okay so I’m already fitting in.

Hey hurtful. Not cool.

There I go again. I thought you’d like it. Mixing it up with the boys here.

Yeah well, if we’d wanted an asshole we would have hired Scott Rudin.

Okay, okay, gotcha.

So Amy what’s your first column going to be about?

It’s going to be called Kim Jong Un is Big Fat Whiny Bitch.

Amy Pascal’s new column will be published every Sunday on www.thestudioexec.com

NEW SPIDER-MAN FILM EVERY THREE DAYS

HOLLYWOOD – Marc Webb has announced that from next year there will be a new Amazing Spider-Man film made every three days and some of them are ‘bound to be okay’. 

The director said: 

There’s a hunger for Spider-Man, a famished need. For too long Spider-Man-less days have been going coming and going and no one has done anything to solve this problem. There are countries in Africa in which thousands of children are dying every day for lack of a fresh dose of Spider-Man. Some areas are still having to make do … I’m sorry this is very hard. Some villages are having to make do with Sam Raimi’s Spider-Man 3. Oh God. The humanity!

Andrew Garfield spoke enthusiastically about developments:

When I first started out, I really wanted to be an actor, but it’s really hard. These superhero films are a complete doddle. You’re only in it for about half the scenes. The heavy lifting is done by the CGI boys. I just cash the paycheck.  

The Amazing Spider-Man 3 – 115 will be released from January 1st, 2015.