JIM CARREY TURNS INTO STAR DUST

HOLLYWOOD – Jim Carrey transformed into star dust early this morning.

News just in that Ace Ventura Pet Detective 2 star, Jim Carrey has turned into star dust. The Canadian comedian was attending a gala dinner for New York Fashion Week when with a strange cracking noise he seemed to dissolve into a stream of star dust which then wavered into a helix formation. Fellow diner, Amanda Seyfried told reporters what happened:

I was talking to Jim and he was really on a roll. He was telling me about how we didn’t exist and because we were all on these astral planes we didn’t need to worry about Polio vaccinations or stuf

jim carrey
Jim Carrey today

f like that, and I was listening, but not really listening if you know what I mean. I adored him in Liar Liar so I’m a huge fan. Anyhow, suddenly there’s this loud popping noise, and he’s gone. All these colored lights were in the air. And someone said ‘hey that’s Jim!’ Then I realized he’d been talking about how we are all star dust. So suddenly it made sense. People got real quiet and we could just hear this faintest voice.

What did it say?

Smokin’.

Jim Carrey will appear in Jim & Andy on Netflix.

ARE YOU AMANDA SEYFRIED OR EMMA STONE?

HOLLYWOOD – Okay America, we get it. Emma Stone and Amanda Seyfried are both highly talented and wonderfully great actresses and one of them was in … I want to say Dear John?

But how do you know who is who? Easy, click over for your FREE ‘Am I Emma Stone or Amanda Seyfried?’ flow chart. You can wow your friends and set fire to warehouses for insurance purposes without a care in the world. 

LINDSAY LOHAN JOINS PUSSY RIOT MOVIE

HOLLYWOOD – Penal commitments permitting Lindsay Lohan is to star in Pussy Riot: the Motion Picture. The casting news is coming quick and fast on the pic with Lohan, who plays Maria Alyokhina, joining Amanda Seyfried and Mila Kunis as Nadezhda Tolokonnikova and Yekaterina Samutsevich respectively.

Director Jane Campion insisted that the film will be respectful to the punk band members who were arrested following their performance of a Punk Prayer in the Moscow Cathedral on February 20th, 2012. 

All we want to do is pay our respects and communicate the story of these outstanding young women and their energy and bravery in standing up to what I believe to be one of the most dangerous intolerant regimes in the world today.

Mila Kunis (or Amanda Seyfried) – who plays Yekaterina Samutsevich – agrees:

I’ve always been influenced by feminists in my work, from Mary Wolstonecraft to Miley Cyrus. And I’m totally cool doing lesbian (should the role justify it).

The latest confirmed cast member Lindsay Lohan also spoke of her own experiences:

I see a lot of myself in Maria. She stood up for what she believed in and she spoke out, loudly and rebelliously. As a result she was incarcerated. I too was sent to prison. Condemned, just because I was drunk or high and driving at 100 mph in a stolen car. In a way, we’re almost the same person.

Responding to criticism that the film will somehow water down the story, Campion said, ‘This isn’t about stars, or Hollywood. The important thing is we don’t compromise the anger and the beauty of what these women have done.’

Pretty Riot will be released in 2015.