MARK WAHLBERG PAID MONEY TO APPEAR IN FILMS

HOLLYWOOD – Shock waves hit Hollywood today as it was revealed that Mark Wahlberg is actually paid to appear in films.

Reaction came when news broke that Mark Wahlberg received over a million dollars to film extra scenes for Ridley Scott’s All the Money in the World. At first there was consternation that the money was so much more than co-star Michelle Williams, who received less than $1000 for the same time. However, after the news sunk in, it became apparent that someone had buried the lead.

Xavier Poulis – Hollywood expert – told the Exec:

There had always been an understanding that Mark Wahlberg was turning up and doing what he was doing on set just as a favor to someone who liked Marky Mark. The fact that he actually gets paid is unbelievable. It’s as if someone somewhere thinks he’s an actor. And he receives so much too… that part blew my mind.

But surely they say he’s paid that money and then quietly take it back?

One would hope that’s the case. I mean, are we encouraging Wahlberg to act in movies? It’s bad enough he does it, but the fact he’s rewarded for it is unfathomable.

Is what?

Unfathomable.

Oh I get it. Unfathomable.

We really need to ask, did someone pay Wahlberg for the Transformers movies as well? Or that Gambler film he did? How far down the rabbit hole do we go?

There’s a rabbit hole?

It’s an expression, SE! Jesus.

Will this continue?

Hopefully no. Just imagine if we took all that money that had been wasted on Wahlberg and gave it to someone who needs it like Will Smith.

I think Will Smith is pretty well paid.

What the fuck….?

All the Money in the World is on release.

 

CHRISTOPHER PLUMMER TO PLAY KEVIN SPACEY

HOLLYWOOD – Christopher Plummer has signed up to play Kevin Spacey in Oliver Stone’s biopic of the disgraced actor.

 

The Studio Exec caught up with Plummer to discuss his latest role.

 

Did you have any qualms about playing such a controversial character?

 

Not at all. I’ve been living as Kevin Spacey for the past three months so i‘ve had plenty of time to get over my early reservations.

 

What do you mean you’ve been ‘Living as Kevin Spacey’?

 

Well I didn’t just replace him in ‘All the Money in the World’ I replaced in him in real life. I’m living in his house, driving his car and browsing his extensive collection of greco-roman pornography on a daily basis. I’m wearing a pair of his silk underpants as we speak, they cradle my balls splendidly.

 

So where is Kevin?

 

I’m Kevin.

 

No, you’re Christopher Plummer.

 

You miss the point, dear boy. There is no Christopher Plummer.

 

Then who is that guy in The Sound of Music?

 

Kevin Spacey.

 

Christ. Okay. Let me phrase the question in a different way. Where is the guy you replaced?

 

Oh, he’s still around but I ignore him. At first that was difficult, you know, when you’re sharing a bed or taking a bath together, it took a few days to get used to but now the only time I notice he’s there is when I hear him sobbing to himself in the middle of the night and when I wake in the morning with this erection poking into my lower back.

 

I see, so what does 2018 have in store for….you?

 

Well after the movie with Oliver I’ll be working on a film called The Usual Suspects 2: The Wrath of Keyser Söze and following that I start work on Spielberg’s Christopher Plummer biopic.

 

Christopher Plummer is playing Christopher Plummer in a Christopher Plummer biopic?

 

No, Kevin Spacey is playing Christopher Plummer in a Christopher Plummer biopic.

 

BUT WHO THE F*CK IS CHRISTOPHER PLUMMER?

 

I have no idea I haven’t read the script. Though I hear he’s a bloody marvellous chap.

 

 

The Kevin Spacey biopic is due 2019.

RIDLEY SCOTT INSERTS KEVIN SPACEY INTO PROMETHEUS

HOLLYWOOD – Ridley Scott has taken the unprecedented step of digitally inserting disgraced actor Kevin Spacey into his 2012 science fiction film Prometheus.

Ridley Scott is inserting Kevin Spacey into Prometheus. The move came after Spacey  Scott removed The Usual Suspects star from his new film All the Money in the World.

The British director explained his actions to the Studio Exec:

When you digitally remove an actor, you have to work out where to put him. You can’t just delete him, because due to an error in the law that’s illegal. So we decided we’d put him somewhere no one is going to look. Prometheus can hold Kevin and there’s very little chance it will spoil anyone’s involvement of the film.

Some however contest that the insertion actually constitutes ‘cruel and unusual punishment. Legal expert Devin Pok told the Studio Exec:

It’s actually crazy. So far Kevin Spacey has not been charged with any criminal behavior. A lot of the scandal is sleazy but doesn’t necessarily stand up to anything illegal. The fact that he has been taken out of the Ridley Scott film is understandable. An artist will want to protect his work and the studio has a right to protect their investment. However, to then take that actor and place him in a movie as bad as Prometheus… Not even a murderer deserves that kind of treatment.

Ridley Scott will release the Director’s Cut of Prometheus released Tuesday night at seven.

CHRISTOPHER PLUMMER TO HEAD WEINSTEIN COMPANY

HOLLYWOOD – Christopher Plummer is to take over as CEO of the Weinstein Company following the sacking of founder Harvey Weinstein amid an ongoing sex scandal.

If there’s a problem Christopher Plummer is almost always the solution. Such is the respect with which the former Sound of Music star is held. Already, Ridley Scott drafted Plummer in for the role of Kevin Spacey in All the Money in the World. Scott told the Studio Exec:

The thing about Plummer is he can do anything. He can sing, he can act, he can do comedy, he can do Spacey. And he’s very, very cheap.

However, there was some surprise that the act was being drafted to run a multi-million dollar media company when he had no previous experience.

The Edelweiss fan spoke EXCLUSIVELY to the Studio Exec:

What you have to understand dear boy, is that I am an actor. A Canadian actor, it is true, but nevertheless an actor. I will study the role of CEO in the Weinstein Company and then I will give my performance. You may disagree with my interpretation, but I assure you I will give it my all.

Already shares in the Weinstein Company began to recover as news of the Plummer appointment spread. Financial analyst Amos Ghastly told the Exec:

The company still has good holdings and with Plummer at the helm I’m sure it will be steered towards a prosperous future. He was so good in The New World.

Christopher Plummer will next appear in Season 5 of House of Cards.