PAUL THOMAS ANDERSON AND PAUL W.S. ANDERSON ARE THE EXACT SAME PERSON

HOLLYWOOD – It was revealed yesterday, and much to the consternation of Milla Jovovich, that Paul W.S. Anderson, the artistic genius behind Resident Evil, The Three Musketeers and Alien Vs Predator is in fact that same person as the trashy commercial director Paul Thomas Anderson, whose crowd pleasing The Master recently gave the plebs their jollies at various low brow festival such as Venice and Toronto.

Rumours have been rife for years and no one had ever seen the two director in ‘the same room together at the same time’. And Oliver Stone – among others – had pointed out the possible connection between the Andersons/Anderson dilemma and the faking of the moon landing and various theories surrounding the 9/11 attacks.

Anderson himself who will now be known as Paul Thomas W.S. Anderson expressed relief that ‘the lying is over’.

‘I originally got the idea from Stephen King when he wrote the Bachman books,’ Anderson said. ‘After Event Horizon got such a panning I wondered if I’d ever work again and so I invented this whole other identity, but really it was just a couple of middle initials. I thought everyone already knew.’