5 FACTS YOU NEVER KNEW ABOUT ALEX JONES

HOLLYWOOD – Megyn Kelly’s new boyfriend is in the news but what do we really know about Alex Jones.

We sent the Studio Exec ALTERNATE FACT Squad to find out about who Alex Jones really is.

1. Alex Jones is a conspiracy and a false flag. The CIA or the NSA invented him to make everyone despair of the future of the human race. Thomas Pynchon once wrote: ‘Get them asking the wrong questions. It doesn’t matter if they find the answers.’ Jones is the patron saint of the wrong questions.

2. Alex Jones started his career as a choir boy and had a hit singing the theme song ‘I’m Walking in the Air’ t the Raymond Briggs animated feature The Snowman.

3. During his divorce, Alex Jones confessed to being a kind of performance artist. He also worked as a trapeze artist, a tightrope walker, a sword-swallower and human shaped receptacle for bile and filth.

4. Jabba the Hutt and Alex Jones have never been seen in the same room at the same time.

5. Among the many controversies Jones has embroiled himself in with all the sensitivity of a knuckle and the intellect of a clam, the most famous was the claim that the Sandy Hook school shooting was faked. His claim led to the harassment of some of the parents of the dead children by online trolls, convinced that they were part of some conspiracy.  The lack of empathy, the certainty of rightness without any evidence or intellectual support, the leap from supposition to conclusion with none of the intervening stages of – you know, thinking it through, asking people etc. – the bullish stubborn dumbness of this raspy voiced rat-penised asshole makes it no surprise that President Donald Trump likes and admires him. The unflushed toilet of America has a face and it is that of Alex Jones.

For more FACTS click HERE.

MEGYN KELLY LINES UP JABBA THE HUTT

HOLLYWOOD – NBC host Megyn Kelly will interview Jabba the Hutt on Sunday, causing yet more controversy.

Megyn Kelly has moved from Fox to NBC but it looks like the Fox News sensationalism has moved with her. First she softballs Vladimir Putin and then gives conspiracy theorist, truther and performance artist Alex Jones a platform. However, her latest interview is set to cause even more controversy. Next Sunday, Megyn will be interviewing Tatooine gangster Jabba Desilijic Tiure more commonly known of as Jabba the Hutt.

Kelly spoke to Studio Exec EXCLUSIVELY to the Studio Exec:

The fact is Jabba is a powerful force in the galaxy and it is time that we examined the views, as abhorrent as those views might be to some people. Do I agree with what he says? No. Do I support the slavery and scriminal activity he is accused of? Of course not. Do I like having to wear that strange Princess Leia bikini as a precondition to agreeing to the interview? I’d rather not. But if that’s what it takes to get the ratings… I mean story, then that’s a price I’m willing to pay. It’s not nice, but then again I worked for Roger Ailes so I think I’m prepared.

However, victims of the Hutts represented by the Sarlac Truth Society roundly condemned NBC:

Jabba the Hutt has destroyed literally thousands of lives, many of them being digested in a slow horrible death in the Pit of Carkoon or killed by the Rancor. The fact that he will be given a prime time audience on national television is an insult to all those who have died.

When called on to respond NBC issued a one word statement:

RATINGS.

Megyn Kelly Meets Jabba will air this Sunday on NBC. Image courtesy of @ThePixelFactor.