CONTROVERSIAL AMUSEMENT PARK REVENANT LAND TO GO ONLINE NEXT MONTH

HOLLYWOOD – The Revenant Land is to open its gates next month, backers have announced, despite criticisms from safety activists.

The amusement park Revenant Land is due to do online next month and is hoping to attract thousands of visitors. The park designed by the late Michael Crighton will include attractions such as the Waterfall Pounding, Fingers and Toes, Brokeback Mountains, the Pruddy Mouth, the Bear Mauling and Squeal Like a Pig. Water rides called the 6 Waterfalls will compete with the 4D attraction ‘Sleeping Inside a Dead Horse Naked’ while a variety of themed restaurants will offer uncooked fish dinners, rotting buffalo snacks and handfuls of frozen soil for refreshment.

The opening however has not been welcomed in all quarters and some safety experts are warning that the park does not meet the highest standards when it comes to guest safety.

Xavier Poulis of the French Cultural magazine Chapeau reports:

Alejandro Inarritu is to open his second amusement park although many do not know about the first. The original Amusement Park – Amores Perros – was built outside Mexico City and featured a series of attractions all of which involved being attacked by vicious dogs. Ultimately, the injuries and deaths contributed to Inarritu’s fleeing of the country and arrival in Hollywood.

Inarritu however said that the park will be a fitting memorial to Michael Crighton and when asked about the dangers of the attractions escaping and killing the guests, he laughed loudly and for several minutes was unable to speak.

‘Don’t worry,’ he told the Studio Exec. ‘The cameras will be ready to roll.’

The Revenant Land will open in July, 2017.

THE STUDIO EXEC OSCAR PREDICTIONS 100 PERCENT EXACT

HOLLYWOOD – Yesterday we made our Oscar predictions and today we triumph in our 100 percent success rate.

The Oscars 2016 – alternatively known as the Academy Awards of OSCARS – are over and the Studio Exec having made his predictions (click here for that) has seen them confirmed 100%.

Here if anyone is still interested is

Best Picture

Who we predicted to Win: Spotlight

Who Did Win: Spotlight

Best Director 

Who we predicted to Win: Alejandro G. Iñárritu

Who Did Win: Alejandro G. Iñárritu

Best Actor

Who we predicted to Win: Leonardo diCaprio

Who Did Win: Leonardo diCaprio

Best Actress

Who we predicted to Win: Brie Larson – Room

Who Did Win: Brie Larson

Best Supporting Actor

Who we predicted to Win: Mark Rylance – Bridge of Spies

Who Did Win: Mark Rylance

Best Supporting Actress

Who we predicted to Win: Alicia Vikander – The Danish Girl

Who Did Win: Alicia Vikander

Best Adapted Screenplay

Who we predicted to Win: The Big Short

Who Did Win: The Big Short

Best Original Screenplay

Who we predicted to Win: Spotlight

Who Did Win: Spotlight

Best Animated Feature

Who we predicted to Win: Inside Out

Who Did Win: Inside Out

Best Foreign Feature

Who we predicted to Win: Son of Saul

Who Did Win: Son of Saul

Best Documentary Feature

Who we predicted to Win: Amy

Who Did Win: Amy

Best Cinematography

Who we predicted to Win: Emmanuel Lubezki – The Revenant

Who Did Win: Emmanuel Lubezki

Best Music

Who we predicted to Win: Ennio Morricone

Who Did Win: Ennio Morricone

Costume Design

Don’t give a shit

Film Editing

What?

Make up and Hair Design

Pffffffffft.

Production Design

Yes.

Sounding editing, Visual Effects, Animated Short, Documentary Short, Short Short

Nope. Mad Max Fury Road. I think. I don’t know.

For more Oscars Click HERE.

OSCARS 2016: WHO SHOULD WIN; WHO WILL WIN

HOLLYWOOD – The Oscars are almost Oscaring in the Oscars Hotel in Oscarsland, Hollywood.

But who should win the Oscars 2016 – alternatively known as the Academy Awards of OSCARS – ? Here the Studio Exec tells you his predictions for who should win and tells you who will win.

Best Picture

Who Should Win: Mad Max Fury Road

Who Will Win: Mad Max Fury Road

Best Director 

Who Should Win: Alejandro G. Iñárritu

Who Will Win: Alejandro G. Iñárritu

Best Actor

Who Should Win: Leonardo diCaprio

Who Will Win: Leonardo diCaprio

Best Actress

Who Should Win: Brie Larson – Room

Who Will Win: Brie Larson

Best Supporting Actor

Who Should Win: Sylvester Stallone – Creed

Who Will Win: Sylvester Stallone

Best Supporting Actress

Who Should Win: Jennifer Jason Leigh

Who Will Win: Jennifer Jason Leigh

Best Adapted Screenplay

Who Should Win: Room

Who Will Win: Room

Best Original Screenplay

Who Should Win: Ex Machina

Who Will Win: Ex Machina

Best Animated Feature

Who Should Win: Anomalisa

Who Will Win: Anomalisa

Best Foreign Feature

Who Should Win: Son of Saul

Who Will Win: Son of Saul

Best Documentary Feature

Who Should Win: Amy

Who Will Win: Amy

Best Cinematography

Who Should Win: Roger Deakins – Sicario

Who Will Win: Roger Deakins – Sicario

Best Music

Who Should Win: Ennio Morricone

Who Will Win: Ennio Morricone

Costume Design

Don’t give a shit

Film Editing

What?

Make up and Hair Design

Pffffffffft.

Production Design

Yes.

Sounding editing, Visual Effects, Animated Short, Documentary Short, Short Short

Nope.

For more Oscars Click HERE.

THE REVENANT CAUSES BLIZZARD AS PUBLICITY STUNT

HOLLYWOOD – Alejandro Inarritu’s The Revenant is currently topping the Box Office in part due to the blizzard that the studio provided as part of an extreme publicity stunt.

Leonardo diCaprio might have had to get intimate with a bear, but reports are that Alejandro Inarritu’s love of extremity has even infected the marketing campaign for his latest film The Revenant. An insider at the studio told The Studio Exec under strict confidence that the Mexican director had arranged for a freezing snow blizzard to hit the Eastern seaboard upon the release of his new movie.

Alejandro wants everything to be real and so quite early on in discussions about how we would introduce the concept of the film to the public he was all in for having a massive ice storm hit the Eastern Seaboard with strong winds and a heavy snow fall. His concept was that the audience would then feel that as they trudged through the freezing weather towards the movie theaters they would begin to understand not only what Hugo Glass was going to go through but also what Leo and Tom hardy went through as they were making the film.

But people died during the storm. 

Yeah, Alejandro. He really doesn’t give a shit about that. He was thumping the table and yelling “make it snow goddamn it.” At first we thought he wanted cocaine, but then it was clear he actually wanted us to manipulate the weather in order to give the audience the most immersive experience possible.

Can you actually manipulate the weather like that?

It’s not too difficult actually. You know that thing about a butterfly flapping its wings in Mexico and a hurricane hitting Miami, apparently it works if a Mexican director wants snow in New York. Alejandro has so many butterflies, you wouldn’t believe.

For more on The Revenant CLICK HERE.

DANGEROUS REVENANT PARTIES SWEEP HOLLYWOOD

HOLLYWOOD – The Los Angeles Sheriff’s office has issued a warning, instructing the general public to not indulge in parties inspired by the film The Revenant.

Sheriff Joel Mackey told the Studio Exec EXCLUSIVELY that ‘the Revenant parties’ (as they are called) have so far cost the lives of over two hundred revelers.

It’s a horrible thing. Organised via the internet crowds of thirty to forty people descend on some abandoned warehouse or waste ground out of the way somewheres where no one is likely to happen by. There will be some drinks and refreshments comprised of homemade alcohol and squirrel meat. On a prearranged signal a wild bear is then released and will indulge in sexual relations with one or more of the party goers. This often ends in wounding and has led to fatalities. As if that wasn’t enough, everyone is then packed into a portable freezer unit, like an ice truck or a meat locker or something where they spend the next three nights naked and begging to be killed.

Variations on this basic model include thrill seekers being dragged naked through the snow and thrown off cliffs and into pine trees. Animal rights groups have criticized the use of live animals for entertainment purposes and although the number of bears injured is actually very small in comparison to the number of party-goers killed they also object to the violence, including musket shots and stabbings that have been discovered on some of the animals. ‘There was also a horse that was… well, if I told you it would be a spoiler,’ said a spokesperson for the American Society from the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals.

However, the film’s director Alejandro G. Iñárritu believes the parties are actually a good thing:

Okay so some people get killed, but the important thing is that they feel they are part of an interactive experience with the movie. Anything that can bring them close to the  true nature of the wild is surely a good thing, don’t you think? When we were making the film we had a hell of a lot of fun with hypothermia, frost bite and a little light cannibalism. The fact that some fans of the film are going through the same thing is a testament to how the film is connecting with its audience.

Although officially not illegal, the Sheriff has declared that such parties are highly unsafe and people should avoid them at all costs.

Sheriff Mackey told the Studio Exec:

What we at the Sheriff’s office can’t understand is why can’t people base their theme parties on something more wholesome. What about a Peanuts party? Or a Hateful Eight shindig? The death toll is already high and only looks like going up if this continues. These people have very little understanding of what a savage bear can do when unleashed on a crowd of scantily clad ravers, all of whom are goading the animal.

Leonardo diCaprio and Tom Hardy, the stars of the film, are planning on releasing a charity single – a cover of Don McLean’s Vincent – the proceeds from which will go towards a bear refuge for damaged animals.

The Revenant is currently on release.