FULL CANNES LINE-UP INCLUDES ONLY FILMS FROM 1970S

PARIS – This morning 11 am Paris time, the full line-up for the 68th Cannes Film Festival was announced, which will break with tradition by only featuring films made in the 1970s.

Outgoing president Thierry Frémaux said that usually the film festival shows exclusively new films:

The whole raison d’être of Cannes is to promote world cinema in its current form, but recently we’ve been looking around and it’s pitiful. So we decided in order to ensure ten days of creme de la creme cinema we thought why not use films that we know are good for sure.

The full list contains The Conversation, Chinatown, Deliverance, Taxi Driver, Barry Lyndon, Aguirre Wrath of God, Dog Day Afternoon, Days of Heaven, Le Cercle Rouge, Picnic at Hanging Rock, The Big Bus, Solaris and The Spy Who Loved Me.

Pierre Lescure, the new Cannes president, said that it was an exciting time for Cannes:

We’re really pleased to have such outstanding film-makers such as Stanley Kubrick and Terrence Malick included in this year’s competition. Hopefully one of the famous recluses will make a surprise appearance!

Defending the lack of women directors in the list, Lescure shrugged and blew air through his lips.

C’est la vie! It was the seventies.

Cannes will take place from the 13th to the 24th of May, 2015. 

WERNER HERZOG’S WEDDING VIDEOS

HOLLYWOOD – Documentarian, director and sibilant Austrian septuagenarian Werner Herzog has opened his own wedding videos company, which offers the unique service of having the award-winning director of such films as Fitzcarraldo, Aguirre Wrath of God and The Bad Lieutenant: Port of Call New Orleans capture the most important and beautiful day of any couple’s lives. 

The director of Into the Darkness commented:

I have made films about the most extreme situations on the planet on which we find ourselves alive today, Antarctica, death row, caves somewhere in France, I even made a film with Val bloody Kilmer, and now here I am, and nothing to do with a lot of digital cameras. So I thought why not make wedding videos and in doing so I believe I can truly document the destruction of the soul of Man.

Do you see this then as an extension of your attempt to delineate the outline of human possibility?

Yes. And you get free cake.

Werner with another happy customer (divorced)

Werner Herzog’s Wedding Video company is available for the cost of $2000 a day or $3000 for a weekend. Herzog films everything himself and provides an audio commentary in which he is amusingly and eccentrically rude about everybody except the person who gives him cake.