SEAN PENN: ‘I MAY NEVER ACT AGAIN’

HOLLYWOOD – Sean Penn shocked reporters today when he admitted that he might never act again after what he called ‘a career best performance’ in 2013’s The Secret Life of Walter Mitty.

‘I’ve worked with some of the best in the industry,’ Penn said.

Clint Eastwood, Terrence Malick, hell I was even married to Madonna for a time back there. But even so there comes a time when one thinks, now I’ve reached my zenith. I can’t go any farther and as an actor, for me, that happened under the tutelage of Mr. Ben Stiller. I mean, he made Tim Robbins look like Gus Van Sant.

What does that mean?

I don’t know.

And yet the film was not a particularly big critical hit.

No. The critics were a bit mixed, but that happens with the greatest work. All you need to do is look back and read some of the criticism Shanghai Surprise got. And now that film is number 6 in the AFI’s top 100 list.

Is it?

No. But still… It’s in there somewhere. Don’t worry. I’m still going to direct. I just don’t think I’ll ever come close to touching that kind of human truth again.

Mr. Penn is currently prepping his next directorial effort The Last Space which will star Charlize Theron and Adèle Exarchopoulos, last seen in Blue is the Warmest Color.

STUDIO EXEC PENS AN OPEN LETTER TO DIRECTOR AND CAST OF BLUE IS THE WARMEST COLOR

5100 West Sunset Boulevard,
HOLLYWOOD 
California
USA

Dear Abdellatif Kechiche, Léa Seydoux and Adèle Exarchopoulos,

I watched with an enormous sense of emotional investment your Palme d’Or triumph Blue is the Warmest Color. It was in my humble opinion one of the best love stories committed to celluloid in the last two decades, if not more. It was an epic of the intimate. Steven Spielberg – who sat next to me during the screening – turned to me and said “We are all lesbians”. I later saw him jumping up and down on his baseball cap, as he realised his best films were well executed comic books for adults. Even Ang Lee was blubbing and you know what a rock that man has for a heart. So please, bearing in mind the love, the genuine love and admiration I feel for your wonderful film, I have to tell you: 


SHUT THE FUCK UP!!!!

SHUT UP! SHUT UP! SHUT THE FUCK UP!!!!

For the love of Christ, shut up. 

Léa and Adèle, we get it, the film was hard to make, the director a bit of an asshole, and for the record and the umpteenth time you are not gay (as if anyone gives a shit). 

And Abdellatif, you are a sensitive artist and your heart is wounded, but you’re also a manipulative bastard, admit it. You’re a film DIRECTOR for crying out loud! It’s part of your essential skill set. 

I’ve been lucky enough to see what I consider as close to a work of art as cinema ever gets, now shut up, shut up,

SHUT UP!

Thanks,

And well done. Seriously well done.

Best Wishes

The Studio Exec   

BLUE IS THE WARMEST COLOR: REVIEW

LONDON – Abdellatif Kechiche’s Blue is the Warmest Color is a long, long film about lesbians falling in love, and it’s French, and you have to read the Goddam thing because the Assholes insist on speaking French for the whole Goddam film, and yet it’s one of the best things I’ve seen this year by miles. And no, that’s not because of the ten minute long sex scene. Or not only. 

Based on a graphic novel by someone, the film traces a relationship from love at first glance through passion, to disillusionment and betrayal. It takes its own sweet time, but with that you enter the lives of Emma (Léa Seydoux) and Adèle (Adèle Exarchopoulos) to such an extent that when the film is over you feel almost as emotionally drained as the fictional characters. Almost like you lost two friends. This is as good as love stories get.