HP LOVECRAFT REVIEWS: THE MEYEROWITZ STORIES (NEW AND SELECTED)

REVIEW – THE MEYEROWITZ STORIES (NEW AND SELECTED) sees the return of Adam Sandler and Ben Stiller to comedy after a long hiatus.

Noah Baumbach’s new film The Meyerowitz Stories (New and Selected) features a stellar cast in perhaps the director’s most accomplished film since The Squid and the Whale.  Veterans Emma Thompson and Dustin Hoffman are joined by Adam Sandler and Ben Stiller. Our occasional guest reviewer HP Lovecraft casts his eldritch eye over the new comedy of a dysfunctional family coming together to resolve their issues in a subtle and nuanced comedy.

HP Lovecraft writes:

There were too many Jews.

For more Reviews, Click Here.

FARTS OF THE STARS

HOLLYWOOD – Following the Carey Mulligan Fart Off, the question on everyone’s lips is: what do the stars farts smell of? Only Studio Exec has the connections, the nasal hair (for filterage) and the proximity to give the answers you need.

Brad Pitt: Whiffs overpoweringly of Chanel no. 5. Pungent but beguiling. The world becomes black and white and the head aches. Sounds like a dog barking three gardens away.

Winona Ryder: Her air packets are small, delicate and berry scented. Little pip like squeaks can be heard, like a mouse crying for help.

Leonardo di Caprio: Leo’s a vegetarian and his bottom woofs are definitely green. They make a sound not unpleasant and similar to whale song. Leo particularly enjoys farting in the bath.

Lindsay Lohan: Opposite to Leo. No naked flames please. Petro-chemical, Deep Horizon style.

George Clooney: Wheaty with a lingering note of leather and brass. The sound is designed to be easily mistaken for a wry chuckle.

Jennifer Lopez: Whiny.

Tom Cruise: Tom is under the mistaken impression that he never farts because of his complete mental control of the universe but in fact his farts are so powerful (and his body so pixie like and small) that they can physically propel him above Oprah’s sofa.

Nicole Kidman: Primroses and hope. They are absolutely silent. Like the death of a planet.

Gwyneth Paltrow: Sounds like a sea lion mating call and smells like a week-dead horse.

Adam Sandler: Jack and Jill, Bedtime Stories, Big Daddy, That’s My Boy etc.

Michael Caine: Vinegar and sand. Released when you pull his finger.

Angelina Jolie: The funniest farts in Hollywood. They smell of lingerie just bought and sound like a very small man trapped in a box shouting ‘FART, FART’! A real hit at parties.

Johnny Depp: Mr Depp has been known to let off the odd gentleman’s excuse mes. Long droning ship horns that smell of seaweed and Keith Richards solo albums.

Selena Gomez: Almost silent, with the slight hissing, but can knock a pig out at fifty yards. Amnesia ensues so it’s impossible to say what they smell off.

Carey Mulligan: a longevity that allows for character arcs, three act structure and occasionally intermissions.

For more MOVIE FACTS Click Here

PEOPLE WITH VAGINAS ALSO FUNNY, HOLLYWOOD LEARNS

HOLLYWOOD – It was revealed today that people with vaginas can also be funny.

The release of the female led Ghostbusters reboot has taken everyone by surprise. The new film starring Kate McKinnon, Leslie Jones, Kristen Wiig and Melissa McCarthy has been warmly received, despite a bunch of dicks trying to do down its IMDb score, because they’re … well … dicks.

Industry analyst Xavier Poulis told the Studio Exec:

This idea that people with vaginas can be funny is not actually a new thing. In the past we had some great film comediennes like Madeline Kahn, Bernadette Peters, Diane Keaton and Goldie Hawn to name but four. However, there has always been a prevailing idea in the big studios that men are funnier than women and that’s what the public want to see. But now with Tina Fey, Sarah Silverman, Amy Poehler, Amy Schumer and Melissa McCarthy consistently bringing in high end critical and commercial successes to the big screen. There needs to be a rethink.

Where does this leave people with penises?

Also we have to look at the other side of the ledger. People with penises. Penii. Okay those. Adam Sandler, Kevin Hart, Kevin James, increasingly Will Ferrell and Ben Stiller, Vince Vaughn, Robert deNiro, James Franco, Seth Rogen… maybe it’s time to consider the idea that people with penises aren’t so equipped for comedy. Especially since the frat boy idea of gross out comedy took the ascendancy and became essentially the only comedy we see these days.

Ghostbusters is in theaters.

CHRIS PRATT: NEW MAGNIFICENT SEVEN ‘SET IN THE SAME UNIVERSE AS THE RIDICULOUS SIX’

HOLLYWOOD – Chris Pratt has confirmed that the new version of The Magnificent Seven is ‘set in the same universe as Adam Sandler’s The Ridiculous Six.’

The Magnificent Seven – a remake of the 1960 classic with Yul Brynner and Steve McQueen – also belongs in the same universe as The Ridiculous Six, Chris Pratt has confirmed:

Very early on in the process Antoine Fuqua sat the whole cast down and explained that although we were respecting the original 1960 film and beyond that Akira Kurosawa’s Seven Samurai, our main inspiration would be much closer to home. Namely Adam Sandler’s Ridiculous Six. Although not a direct follow on, or a sequel, we exist in the same rambunctious comic universe full of lewd stereotypes and fart gags. It’s really something. I think everyone is going to be blown away.

Do Sandler Sandler and Taylor Lautner appear?

What do you mean Sandler Sandler?

I meant Adam Sandler, sorry. It was a slip of the tongue.

Still I like it. Sandler Sandler. Sounds like a boutique. But to answer your question: yes. Antoine and Denzel both talked a lot about ‘the anxiety of influence’. The idea is Sandler Sandler and some of the other cast from The Ridiculous Six turn up at the beginning of our film at the railway station in a homage to the opening scene in Once Upon a Time in the West and we gun them down and, in that way, establish ourselves and what we want to do with the film.

The Magnificent Seven will be released on September 23, 2016.

 

 

THINKING COMEDY: 2. SETH ROGEN

In the second of our new series Thinking Comedy, film comedian Seth Rogen ruminates on the benefits of analysis on his Comic Art.

Many comedians believe that over-thinking comedy can be the death of a joke, that to think (in the words of Keats) is ‘to be full of sorrow’, and so they avoid any kind of analysis at all, preferring to work on instinct and adrenalin.

Andrew ‘Dice-man’ Clay at his height eschewed comic theory and Eddie Murphy in the Raw years likewise boasted of his unschooled approach to the comedy scene. 

However, I’ve always been a comic who has taken succor and encouragement from the intellectual and philosophical approach to my art. When I was making Funny People with Adam Sandler, Adam and I would sit for hours discussing Freud’s 1905 masterpiece Jokes and Their Relation to the Unconscious. By the way, if you are going to read it I would advise you read the original German Der Witz und Seine Beziehung zum Unbewußten. As with most humor, too much is lost in translation. 


Sandler is a supremely rational comic. It isn’t enough that he is funny; he has to know why he is funny. This is what makes him so similar to the British comedian Ricky Gervais, the man we all look up to as the true intellectual heir of Benny Hill’s comedy crown. 


For my own part, for a joke simply to be funny isn’t enough. It has to say something and it has to say something that is coherent with my political and ethical outlook on life. For instance, some people have seen a consistent strain of misogyny in my comedy, especially in Zack and Miri Make a Porno and Knocked Up. Other people give me the benefit of the doubt and think of me as a lovable doped up man child but the truth is I do hate and fear women and those films are deliberate expressions of my anxiety. I mask my very real and sometimes frightening hatred in an easy-going laid-back style, but this makes it all the more pernicious and effective. Some of you no doubt are thinking: ‘Ah ha! Intellectual coherence, analyzing comedy? But what about Green Hornet?’ Well, to that I’m afraid I only have two words: Cash Grab.

For more Thinking Comedy CLICK HERE.

THE RIDICULOUS SIX – SPOILER FREE REVIEW

THE RIDICULOUS SIX – SPOILER FREE REVIEW: Want to read a review of the latest Adam Sandler comedy but don’t want the plot spoiled by a load of extraneous detail?

Well, look no further. The Studio Exec offers the EXCLUSIVE Spoiler Free review of The Ridiculous Six, starring Adam Sandler, Nick Nolte and Vanilla Ice, for free.

Ridiculous shit.

For more Reviews, Click Here.

ISIS POST 5 STAR PIXELS REVIEW

PALMYRA – ISIS (also known as the Islamic State of Iraq and al-Sham) have given the Adam Sandler comedy Pixels a five star review in what is being viewed as another attack on culture.

The ISIS “Pixels” review was posted on Rotten Tomatoes, as well as on various Jihadi websites across the internet. It reads:

Adam Sandler returns to form with another hilarious comedy with all the thrills and spills of an arcade classic! Sandler is joined by Kevin James and Peter Dinklage (from the awful Game of Thrones) as a team of video gamers who are called to save the world when aliens invade in the form of classic arcade game monsters from the games of their youth. As Pac-Man and Donkey Kong rip up the city, our intrepid team must learn to fight together as they exchange rib tickling quips. It is fun all the way. And has some deep things to say about how women are awful.

Harry Potter director Christopher Columbus does an able job of mixing the comedy with the action and the score by

The UN believe that this is a second stage of the well-publicized attack on cultural artifacts.

A spokesperson told the Studio Exec:

Whether blowing up ancient Buddhist shrines, or trash sculptures and buildings in the Middle East, ISIS have shown themselves to be absolute enemies of culture and art. We believe that the Pixels review is the second prong of that same attack. If ISIS can raise the percentage on Rotten Tomatoes it will get more people to watch Adam Sandler films and who knows what else. The Fantastic Four maybe. That will obviously have a personal cost on the people who are duped into watching those films, but it also might turn some susceptible youth into a terrorist who hates the kind of society that can produce Grown Ups 2.

 

The CIA and MI5 have both said that they will be monitoring film sites from now on and any suspicious activity should be reported immediately to the appropriate authorities.

Pixels is on current release.

ADAM SANDLER TO STAR IN SEASON 4 OF HOUSE OF CARDS

HOLLYWOOD – A hidden clause in his new Netflix deal means Adam Sandler is to replace Kevin Spacey in season 4 of the hit show ‘House of Cards’

Netflix boss Reed Hastings announced the deal very quickly and quietly at the end of his press conference, in the same super-speedy way car insurance adverts deliver the small print of the contract:

‘Oh yeah and Adam is going to be taking over for Kevin Spacey in House of Cards 4. We’re all thrilled,’ he said.

It is understood that Mr. Sandler has been a fan of Kevin Spacey for some time and has been heard many times to exclaim, ‘Why don’t people take me seriously as an actor?’

Mr. Sandler telephoned Studio Exec EXCLUSIVELY to explain his motivation:

I am a fantastic actor when I get the right material, and ‘House of Cards’ contains some of the sharpest dramatic writing of recent years. I can’t wait to get my tongue around some of that snappy dialogue.

So this is what you really want to do?

Absolutely—all that other stuff, the film stuff, that was just my way in. A pretty Underwood way of doing things, I think you’ll agree.

Yes.

And because of my experience in comedy, especially with the film ‘Jack and Jill,’ I am a versatile enough performer to play not only the part of Frank Underwood, but also the part of his wife Claire, previously played by Robin Wright.

Fans of the show are dying by the thousands as they decide life is simply not worth living in light of the news, but Netflix has been quick to point out that rival HBO began the trend when they hired Vince f*cking Vaughn to star in ‘True Detective.’

House of Cards 4 will premiere in early 2016.

GEORGE LUCAS ANNOUNCES CITIZEN KANE 2

HOLLYWOOD – George Lucas today revealed that Citizen Kane 2 will be the first feature to be produced by his new project, In Space Productions.

Word has been flying around the industry for years that Lucas had been rabidly buying up film rights, with Adam Sandler’s back catalogue alone rumoured to have cost him in the region of $100 million dollars.

In Space have also signed a veritable who’s who of directors to helm their upcoming pictures with the likes of; Francis Ford Coppola, Alexander Payne, Michael Haneke and Woody Allen officially confirmed.

We spoke to George earlier today and asked him what we can expect from his new venture.

 

George, what can expect from this new venture?

Basically, In Space will remake old movies and set them in a different environment.

 

Such as?

Well, space, predominantly.

I see. So what inspired you to take this bold new direction?

I figured the Star Wars films are popular and they are set in space so it was kind of a no-brainer.

 

Interesting. I assume you have a list of films you plan to make over the coming years. Can you reveal what some of those titles are?

Sure. First up will be Citizen Kane in Space. Bruce Willis will play Kane, I’ll direct. Next up we have The Godfather in Space which is Coppola’s baby. We’re considering a CGI Marlon Brando in that but we need to get the go ahead from his estate. What else…Alexander Payne is doing the Wedding Singer in Space, Haneke Irreversible in Space and Woody is keen on remaking Annie Hall in Space.

 

Annie Hall in Space?

Yeah Woody has got this great idea. He’ll play a neurotic jewish astronaut and Diane Keaton will be his kooky robot love interest.

 

Amazing stuff. What else have you got lined up?

Well I’ve been talking to Judd Apatow about doing Dirty Dancing in Space and Hugh Jackman is working with a few writers to try and get a Seven Brides for Seven Brothers in Space off the ground. It’s early days though, and we’ve had so many people who have contacted us with ideas. It’s a matter of sifting through them and deciding what will work.

 

What about your old buddy Steven Spielberg. Will he be involved in some capacity?

I doubt it. I approached Steve and asked him if he’d be interested in making a Schindler’s List in Space but he got all offended and said it was morally wrong. Hopefully he’ll come around though as we recently received a great script for The Color Purple in Space which I ‘d love him to direct.

 

Exciting times George. Many Thanks

No problem.

 

Citizen Kane in Space’ is due for release in 2017

DANIEL DAY-LEWIS CONFIRMS SHIA: THE MOVIE

HOLLYWOOD – Lincoln star, Daniel Day-Lewis is in the midst of intensive preparation for his next role, playing the actor Shia LaBeouf in David Lynch’s long-awaited epic bio-pic Shia.

The star of Last of the Mohicans, In the Name of the Father and My Left Foot, Daniel Day-Lewis spoke to the Studio Exec EXCLUSIVELY about the project:

I have been entering the character backwards. Slowly I’ve been forgetting how to act, I’ve denuded myself of charisma, I am becoming a blank canvas.

On which to paint your character?

No just a blank canvas. That’ll probably be it.

The film began initially as a dream project of Martin Scorsese but he got cold feet around the time that Transformers 4: The Age of Extinction came out.

‘How can I compete with that?’ he was heard to shriek as he ran from the theatre.

Ron Howard then came aboard and that was when Day-Lewis also found himself interested in the role (for more on that story CLICK HERE).

Howard himself was to back out, awed by the enormity of the task and now the project’s current director David Lynch is ready to begin shooting. For Lynch – whose fame today resides mainly on the rumor he once ate a squirrel – Shia will be his final film.

David Lynch said:

At first I was very nervous. I’ve played great Americans before. Abraham Lincoln, Bill the Butcher, Daniel Plainview. But could I bring myself to play the greatest American currently alive, after Adam Sandler? I don’t know. But I’m going to try. What I say quite seriously in my quiet little voice is that after Shia what else will I have to say? What else will anyone have to say?

Shia LaBeouf is currently not acting in a Broadway play because it was ‘difficult’.

Shia will be released in 2016.

5 MOVIE SEQUELS WE REALLY DON’T GIVE A SH*T ABOUT

HOLLYWOOD – Summer is here and the time is right for Movie Sequels We Really Don’t Give a Sh*t About, not even a little bit.

The Studio Exec FACT squad have been hanging around the SE Bungalow looking a bit grim of late so we sent them out on a recon mission to find the 5 most m’eh sequels that we can’t be bothered to even look up on IMDb.

1. Ted 2. It’s Seth (A Million Ways to Die in the West) MacFarlane and Mark (The Happening, Transformers 4, Pain and Gain, The Gambler…) Wahlberg. What could possibly go funny?

2. Hotel Transylvania 2. Hotel Transylvania might have been a harmless kids movie, but anything that puts money in Adam Sandler’s pocket is evil and needs to be discouraged.

3. Mission Impossible 5. We all saw the pictures of Tom Cruise clinging to the side of a military plane as it ACTUALLY took off, and now in the trailer we see the sequence as he ACTUALLY clings to the side of the plane during the ACTUAL take off. But the only thing that could get us excited about this tired franchise is if Tom Cruise ACTUALLY fell off the plane.

4. Magic Mike XXL. Steven Soderbergh’s Magic Mike was surprisingly good. This might be good as well. And I’ll be surprised.

5. London Has Fallen. Sequels are usually for people who saw the original and liked it and want to see more. Few people saw Olympus Has Fallen. Those who did didn’t like it. So the biggest excitement that London Has Fallen can hope for, is to see who will unwittingly wander into the movie theater by chance. The film itself will be silly tripe.

 For more FACTS click HERE.

HANEKE AND FARRELLY BROTHERS COLLABORATE ON FUNNIER GAMES

AUSTRIA – Famed Austrian auteur and misery Michael Haneke is to team up with some of the legends of American gross out comedy to remake Funny Games for the second time.

Having won the Palmes D’Or and the Oscars for his film Amour, Michael Haneke is considered by many to be at the top of his art house game. And so yesterday’s announcement came out of the blue, as – in a joint press conference with Pete and Bobby Farrelly, he announced a sequel to his only American made film, Funny Games, provisionally entitled Funnier Games.

The 2007 film which featured Naomi Watts and Tim Roth being terrorized by Michael Pitt and chum in white tennis toggs was something of a misstep for the director and he has since gone on record regretting the film, which was a remake of a film he had already made in German in 1997. The idea for a sequel came when the director saw the film again in a small Los Angeles theater.

Haneke recalled:

There was this raucous laughter coming from the back all the way through the film, and I thought how wonderful, finally someone who understands my admittedly bleak Austrian sense of humor.  After the film I followed the men who had been laughing and cornered them at the McDonald’s where they were drinking out of one soda carton with two straws.

‘We thought Mikey’s work was unbelievable, like totally,’ says Bobby.

‘Misunderstood,’ says Petey. ”The Seventh Continent? Hilarious. Hour of the Wolf? Hilarious. The White Ribbon? I pissed my pants it was so funny.’

‘He totally did,’ says Bobby. ‘He pissed his pants.’

The new film will feature Adam Sandler and Jim Carrey, killing children amidst hapless escapades and gross out humor.

‘He really did piss his pants,’ Bobby assured us. Again.

Funny Games will be released in 2017.

INTERSTELLAR: FIRST REACTIONS

HOLLYWOOD – Following the first screenings of Christopher Nolan’s new science fiction epic Interstellar the first reactions from the internet are in and we have collected them.

Generally speaking the reaction from the celebrities who have seen the film have been overwhelmingly positive. For example, Gordon Ramsey tweeted ‘F*cking great f*cking science f*cking fiction film, Chris!’ and Fox News’ Doctor Manny tweeted ‘Interstellar cures cancer AND herpes’.

Here are some other responses gathered EXCLUSIVELY by the Studio Exec:

Christopher Nolan’s new film Interstellar was so good it made me want to JUMP!

Dave Lee Roth

WTF! Casey Affleck is in  this? When did that happen?

Ben Affleck

One of the funniest films I have ever seen. Nolan is a master.

Adam Sandler

Interstellar is a deeply religious film. Truly spiritual and Christopher Nolan must be applauded for actually spending so much time in space to make this.

Sarah Palin

Interstellar sh*ts on Gravity. From a height!

NASA

Matthew McConaughey is awful. Embarrassing really.

Woody Harrelson

I should have used more tuba.

Hans Zimmer

Good to see it done well and not have to think about Ghostbusters 3. Which will be out in 2016.

Dan Aykroyd

Okay Chris. I give up. You’ve got the job.

God

NETFLIX WIN NOBEL PEACE PRIZE

STOCKHOLM – Entertainment streaming service Netflix today won the Nobel Peace Prize, beating off (but not violently) stiff competition from human rights protesters and Pakistani school girls.

The Academy decided to award the prestigious Prize as a direct response to the selflessness and sacrifice of the business in diminishing the violence perpetrated on the public. Academy Chair Olaf Spatt told the Studio Exec EXCLUSIVELY:

Netflix has given Adam Sandler a deal to make four films which will be distributed exclusively by  Netflix. This means that the public can go to the cinema without fear of accidentally seeing an Adam Sandler comedy such as Grown Ups 2 or Jack and Jill. And it will protect the weak-minded who might even believe that some of these comedies ‘are not that bad’.

Netflix joins James Franco who the other day won everything and who will share the Peace Prize.