MOONFALL IS ABOUT CLIMATE CHANGE

HOLLYWOOD – Destroyer of worlds Roland Emmerich has confirmed his new apocalyptic movie, Moonfall is about climate change. The Independence Day director sat down with The Studio Exec to talk about his new blockbuster starring Halle Berry & Patrick Wilson and why Moonfall is really about climate change.

Roland, Can You Tell Us Anything About Your New Film?

Yeah, sure I can. It’s called Moonfall and it’s about the Moon falling out of orbit and on a direct course to hit the Earth. And not just a glancing blow. I mean, destroying the whole f**king world. And then Halle Berry teams up with oil rig worker, Bruce Willis and a bearded Leonardo Dicaprio to save us all. Maximillian Schell is on a beach and Nic Cage keeps having premonitions, or something.

I Think You May Be Mixing Up Your Apocalypses There

Am I? Does it matter when we’re all going to die in a few weeks’ time anyway? Look, the real point of it all is that the movie isn’t about the Moon or space missions. It’s all about climate change. It’s pretty obvious when you stop and think about it.

Can You Elaborate On That?

No problem. We’re all helpless to stop this thing happening, and it’s our own fault. We brought this on ourselves. Just like climate change.

Moonfall Is About Climate Change?

Umm, well not directly, I guess. Or possibly even at all. But the way I see it, if Adam McKay hadn’t played the old climate change card, nobody would even be talking about his f**king film, let alone watching it. So this is my first film all about climate change. It’s really exciting to deal with a new subject, a global concern if you like. We’re all scared about this, apart from those climate change denying assholes, but f**k them. I wanted to talk about this in the best way I know how, and that was by threatening to kill billions of people. It makes such a refreshing change to tackle this subject in one of my movies.

Didn’t You Already Do That With The Day After Tomorrow?

Wait. What? Oh. Shit.

 

Moonfall Is Released In February

TALES OF THE GOLDEN MONKEY REVIVED BY NETFLIX

HOLLYWOOD – Netflix revive 80s TV classic Tales of the Golden Monkey.

Cutter’s Goose flies again as classic TV show Tales of the Golden Monkey looks set to get the Netflix treatment. The Raiders of the Lost Ark inspired show featured Stephen Collins as Jake Cutter, an ace pilot who operates an air cargo delivery service based on the fictional South Seas island Bora Gora. He flies a red and white Grumman Goose called Cutter’s Goose. The new show will star Clive Owen as Jake and Jack Black as his best friend and mechanic Corky, ‘a good-hearted alcoholic with a memory hazy from heavy drinking’. His one-eyed dog Jack barks at appropriately comic moments.

Amy Adams is already on board to play US spy and heart throb Sarah Stickney White with Jeremy Irons playing Reverend Willie Tenboom, a phony man of the cloth who is actually a native spy. We spoke to Adam McKay, the showrunner of the series.

Affectionate Toadying

I’ve always loved the show since I was a kid growing up the 1980s. It was a great concept and had a lot of comedic and dramatic potential. It only ran for one season and it has to be one of the biggest disappointments of my life when it was cancelled. But the good news is that we have this framework all ready to go and a wealth of stories and directions to go in.  I mean there are lots of things to love about it. There’s the adventure. And there’s the romance. Obviously the alcoholic pal is hilarious and did we mention Jack the dog has an eye patch? Add to that there’s the word ‘monkey’ in the title. How could this go wrong?

The new show is only the first in a series of Netflix shows that are remaking ever more obscure TV from the 80s. Benedict Cumberbatch is already in preproduction for his Blake’s 7 series starring Tom Hardy. Though initially planned as a movie, ten episodes will now be made.

Tales of the Golden Monkey drops in 2019.

ADAM MCKAY PROMISES PROFITS OF BIG SHORT TO CHARITY

HOLLYWOOD – In a move that has shocked and delighted Hollywood Adam McKay director of financial comedy The Big Short has promised that all profits of the movie will go to charity.

New comedy The Big Short starring Steve Carrell, Christian Bale, Ryan Gosling and Brad Pitt has a lot of fun with the financial crisis but director Adam McKay has decided to put something back:

It’s very simple. Thousands of people lost their homes as a result of the chicanery that we are portraying. It is great that people will know more about it because of our movie but the important thing is that satire and laughter lines cannot put a roof over people’s heads. So we’ll be taking every penny we make from The Big Short and giving it to the people who suffered from the financial crisis. Those who had their homes foreclosed. Those who lost their jobs.

That’s amazing.

I know. Brad, Steve and Ryan are joining suit. But it isn’t the first time we did this. When we made The Other Guys which is my answer to Serpico we used the profits to fund an organisation that investigates police corruption. When we made Anchorman 2 the only reason we did that is so that we could raise funds to build a home in new Mexico for unemployed men with mustaches.

Wait, is this a joke?

And when we made Step Brothers we used the money that Will Ferrell and John C. Reilly donated to buy Africa and fill it with food.

This is bullshit Adam. So you didn’t give the money to charity? 

Are you kidding? I’m taking all the money I make and I’m giving it to my fund manager. This economy is going to crash and burn and I’m set to profit twice over. First with the shorts I’m paying for now and second with The Big Short 2: You F*cking Idiots.

The Big Short 2: You F*cking Idiots will be out shortly.

CORRECTION: MANIMAL MOVIE IS GO

HOLLYWOOD – Despite earlier reports to the contrary, Will Ferrell and Adam McKay are to produce a film spin off version of the cult 80s TV show Manimal in their relentless quest to just continuing f*cking up the world.  Continue reading “CORRECTION: MANIMAL MOVIE IS GO”

MANIMAL MOVIE IS NO GO

HOLLYWOOD – It was announced earlier today that there are still no plans to make Manimal: the Motion Picture following discussions that went long into the night at Tom Hamperson’s house in Sacramento, California.

Tom was (admittedly) a bit stoned and mentioned to some of his old buddies that it’d be great if someone made a Manimal movie based on the unpopular TV series from the 80s. His friends (Todd, Zeke and Betney) were almost unanimous in declaring the idea ‘genius’. A quick search of the internet, however, revealed that no such project was currently in development and that led to a sudden drop in enthusiasm. Their mood however was revived by the discovery of some pop tarts in the cupboard. And Tom rolled another joint in celebration.

The original series was shown briefly in 1983 and featured Dr Jonathan Chase (Simon MacCorkindale), wealthy, young, handsome. A man with the brightest of futures. A man with the darkest of pasts. From Africa’s deepest recesses, to the rarefied peaks of Tibet, heir to his father’s legacy and the world’s darkest mysteries. Jonathan Chase, master of the secrets that divide man from animal, animal from man… Manimal! Glen A. Larson created the show by accident when he left the story machine he had invented on overnight and found the first eight episodes written in the morning. ‘In those days, I could do no wrong,’ said Glen. ‘So we went it into production before I sobered up.’ Asked about a movie Glen laughed a cackling laugh that seemed to endanger his health. 

Manimal will be released in 2016.