NICOLAS CAGE: ‘IS THIS THE REAL LIFE, OR JUST FANTASY?’

HOLLYWOOD Nicolas Cage revealed today he isn’t sure when he is taking part in a professional film production or having a genuine roller coaster adventure, with high octane action and high stakes.

Speaking exclusively to the Studio Exec, Cage expressed his genuine concern at not knowing the distinction.

Hey Nic, so what is this? Some kind of well earned breakdown?

Are we rolling?

No Nic, we’re just chatting.

Are you sure? Well, I’ll pull a crazy face just in case…hnnnn (pulls classic meme face)
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When did this first become a problem for you?

National Treasure 2, or as I was calling it; ‘Thursday’. You see, I was just going along with the intrigue, suspense and derivative action plot when I realized that, hey, this is like that other time I had a quest for some kind of American historical treasure thing, which at the time I thought was just a mildly interesting Monday. David Lynch called me one evening during that adventure and asked me whether I thought I was wasting my time on this movie…and it clicked! ‘I’m in a movie this time!’ David used to film me as I slept as a child and would whisper truths to me. This is how I knew it was the truth this time.

What about the film crew? Didn’t that alert you to the inherent artifice of the scenario?

How would it? Francis Ford Coppola, or as I call him Pappy Faffoppola, filmed my entire childhood and would narrate my meals and chores and such, so I thought these ‘crews’ we’re just my silent companions on one of my many jolly japes.

Nic, I think you should talk to someone, professionally.

Isn’t that what this is? You’re Lorraine Bracco aren’t you?

Ah, shit.

Nicholas Cage is currently starring in Outcast, which he tells me is definitely not a movie because Hayden Chistensen was with him when it all happened.

ROBERT DE NIRO TO START ‘READING SCRIPTS AGAIN’

NEW YORK – The Studio Exec can exclusively report that two-time Oscar-winning actor, Robert De Niro, has revealed that he is going to start reading scripts again before committing to film projects.

During a recent interview in his TriBeCa office, De Niro told us that he hasn’t actually read a film script since 1993’s This Boy’s LifeHe explained:

Yeah, I just haven’t had time to read scripts and assess the material before committing to a movie. I have been too busy with my production company, my hotels and restaurants. Plus, now I have two young kids to look after! And until recently it hadn’t really been much of a problem. I guess I just figured – ‘Hey! I’m Robert De Niro! The greatest actor of his generation! I can just show up on the day, smirk, mug, smirk again, stick my tongue out, say some stuff until they yell cut and collect my paycheck! Al’s been doing it for YEARS! And the movie will turn out fine and people will pay to see it!’ Right?

Wrong.

The wake-up call came when De Niro was on a flight home from Cannes a few weeks ago and the inflight movie happened to be Red Lights, a film he made in 2012. He wasn’t impressed with what he saw.

“It was total shit,” admits De Niro.

Once back in New York, the actor decided to take a closer look at his recent output, and what he saw shocked him.

I guess you could say I have been asleep at the wheel. Okay, there have been a few good movies in the last twenty years – Heat. Casino. Even Meet the Parents. And sure, Silver Linings Playbook was pretty good. But overall I have to say that I have pissed all over my own legacy from a height. It’s time to make changes in the way I do things.


De Niro is now taking steps to rectify this situation and has made a promise to himself, and his fans, to only act in films that have “something important to say” or “present a genuine acting challenge.”

And this plan will come into effect once De Niro clears his current slate of movies which includes Meet the Fokking Grandparents, Analyze Those, Taxi Driver 2 – Bickle’s Back and Stardust 2: Stardustier.