GEORGE RR MARTIN’S WINDS OF WINTER ALREADY PUBLISHED

HOLLYWOOD – Game of Thrones author George RR Martin has already published his next novel in the fantasy saga A Song of Ice and Fire, Winds of Winter, but didn’t tell anyone, it emerged today.

Despite claiming to have missed another deadline for publication which would see the new Game of Thrones novel The Winds of Winter be published after the next season of the HBO show, it has come to the attention of the Studio Exec that not only has George RR Martin finished the novel, he has also had it secretly published in Malaysia. A avid George RR Martin watcher (or Martinette, as they prefer to be known) Lou Aggrandizement told the Studio Exec EXCLUSIVELY that Martin had actually finished the novel seven moths ago and had already publish it in Malaysia.

This is typical George. He is very nervous about the reactions every new book elicits and that has only got worse with the fame and enthusiasm generated by the HBO television series of Game of Thrones. So his usual method is that he has the book translated into a foreign language and gets it published under an assumed name somewhere remote so that he can gauge the reaction on an audience who aren’t as familiar with the hoopla. Dance of Dragons was published in Afghanistan in Pashto, A Clash of Kings was translated into Latin and published at the Vatican, and a Storm of Swords was translated into Cornish, which is unfortunately a dead language and no one read it.

So the Malays have read it.

Very much so. George miscalculated. Although the title in Malay read Billy’s Great Big Chocolate Box, no one was fooled for a minute. You see because of internet piracy now shows like Game of Thrones reach everywhere and Malaysia has a huge fan-base who immediately started to translate it back into English. In fact this is why the official book has been pushed back. Martin denies that he published the book already, he says he’s never heard of ‘Billy’s great Big Chocolate Box’, but he is now rewriting the book so that it isn’t identical with the stuff coming out of Asia.

That’s f*cked up.

I know. But the general reaction is good.

Okay Spoiler me baby. 

From what I’ve been able to piece together, Daenerys dies, Cersei dies, Theon dies, Arya dies, the White Walkers don’t die. Then there’s a kind of reverse that happens. Jon Snow comes back to life, Stannis comes back to life and so on until Ned Stark comes back to life at the very end and it ends with King Robert (now alive) turning up at Winterfell and asking Ned to be his Hand. Yeah. It was all a dream!

The Winds of Winter is already available.

GEORGE RR MARTIN ASKS FANS TO HELP FINISH GAME OF THRONES

HOLLYWOOD – Fantasy author George RR Martin has written a blog post requesting fans to help him both improve the television series Game of Thrones and complete the saga A Song of Fire and Ice from whence it came.

George RR Martin published the appeal on his blog, Notes on Wind and Thunder:

Everyone has been writing to me with complaints about how the TV show is different from the books and how the next book seems to be taking ages to come out and it is really very, very stressful. Last night I awoke from a deep slumber in the crow black of night and a thought fluttered like a raven into my mind pan. What if these importunate hoards who seem to have nothing better to do all day than grouse in electronic form to corpulent award winning fantasy authors, actually took their finger out of their asses and did some writing themselves? That would speed things up considerably.

I’m about halfway through The Winds of Winter. But I still need chapters 11-35 to be written. So please email me and tell me which chapter you want to do and have at it. Likewise with the television show. Now that you’re going to be writing the book, I’ll have more time to listen to your complaints, so let me know what you want to see happen and how you’d like to change it (please, no more ‘more tits’ messages; you already have all the tits you can handle) and I’ll see what I can do. Ultimately, we have to contend with HBO and the TV folk as well, but I’m sure you have some great ideas and I can’t wait to hear them all.

Finally, the final novel of the series A Whiff of Spring has little more than a title. Do you like the title? I can change it if you don’t. Anyway, you can write this novel completely. There are so many people whop want to be involved with this, I think it’d be best if you all took a sentence and see how that works.

Please don’t hesitate to get in touch if you have any questions or suggestions.

Game of Thrones: Season 5 is currently showing on HBO.