CRONENBERG V CRONENBERG DEATHMATCH ON HBO MAX

MOVIE NEWS – A live televised Cronenberg V Cronenberg Deathmatch will air on HBO Max this coming Fall. The father and son directors get all Oedipal as they decide once and for all which one wears the crown. The Cronenberg V Cronenberg Deathmatch will stream live on HBO Max in the USA. Amazon Prime will live stream the fight in all other territories.

Cronenberg V Cronenberg Deathmatch : The Background

Senior Cronenberg David, had moved away from his staple diet of body horror based movies in recent years. The Canadian auteur had recently made a slew of critically acclaimed films dealing with hard hitting topics outside of the horror genre. With films such as A History Of Violence, Eastern Promises and A Dangerous Method, he explored the darker side of human nature while staying away from his horror roots. He also explored Viggo Mortensen with his old fella out a fair amount.

Long Live The New Flesh

But that all changed when David’s son, Brandon scored a critical success with his film Viral. The film dealt with issues such as celebrity culture and corporate conspiracies. It used the old family tradition of body horror to do so with great effect. Suddenly David was not the only celebrated film maker at the Cronenberg table. It wasn’t just him boring everyone shitless at Christmas about ‘body horror this’ or ‘existential paranoia that’. There was a new voice at the other end of the table, beyond the cranberry sauce and Brussel sprouts. A younger voice saying ‘celebrity virus this’, and ‘intrusive technology’ that. The times were indeed a changin’.

I’m Getting Better

David took the challenge to his crown well at first. Publicly, at least. But with the release of last year’s Possessor, Brandon came of Cronenberg age. And his father’s ego did not take well to this young upstart stealing the plaudits. Comments were made in various interviews by both parties and things soon spiraled out of control. It was obvious there was only one way to solve this.

Like Flies Around Shit

As soon as it became clear a Deathmatch was the only way to resolve the family feud, HBO came knocking. They offered to fund and televise the Cronenberg Deathmatch. The winner (and survivor) will be heralded as the head of the Cronenberg film family. The loser will spend their time dragging around whatever bits of metal and machinery they become fused with during the fight. They will question their existence, their place in the world and if there ever really was a physical world before the fusion of flesh and machine. They’ll also receive a runners up medal and HBO gift bag.

The Cronenberg V Cronenberg Deathmatch Airs On HBO Max and Amazon Prime This Fall.

DANGEROUS METHOD 2: SOMETIMES A CIGAR IS A COCK



MONTREAL – Ever since David Cronenberg’s psycho-analytic comedy A Dangerous Method burst onto the screen to the joy and jubilation of cinema-goers the world over, the question has not been will there be a sequel, but when will there be a sequel? The answer came today: March 14th 2013.

‘The idea for the first film had really been inspired by the Carry On comedies of Great Britain,’ the Canadian Cosmopolis spluttered. ‘We were all getting a bit bored with the script and then Keira said to Michael “why don’t you give me a jolly good spanking?” and he did and I shouted, “Cut! Print it” and we were off!’

Carl and Sigmund are back in the saddle for another romp. This time the psychiatric prats go on holiday to Torremolinos in Spain to take a rest from all their analyzing only to find that they’ve booked into a hotel that is hosting the Annual European Nymphomaniac Conference. High jinks ensue and Michael Fassbender has revealed that there will be more spanking. 
Viggo Mortensen (who has recently become the King of New Zealand CLICK HERE) said, ‘It’s a right old lump of stupids. But it’s fun and for the intellectuals in the audience, there’ll be tits galore!’

A Dangerous Method 2: Sometimes a Cigar is Just a Cock is due for release March 14th, 2013.