HOLLYWOOD – Stanley Kubrick still continues to have a massive influence on the world of Cinema today, but what do we really know about the director who brought us the Monolith, wrote Singing in the Rain and always directed films with his Eyes Wide Shut?

The Studio Exec FACT squad was sent to the archives to find out everything there is to know about the reclusive genius called Stanley Kubrick and this is what they found.

1. Stanley Kubrick probably wasn’t murdered (CLICK HERE for the theory). Although there have been many theories about his sudden demise, including ideas about the Illuminati being angry about Eyes Wide Shut revealing their secrets, the cause of Stanley Kubrick’s death look like being entirely natural.

2. Stanley Kubrick first made his name as a photographer in New York for Time Magazine among others. He first got the idea to become a movie director when he was holding a bunch of photographs together that he had just developed and by flipping through them saw that he had in fact invented cinema. Disconcerted that he was about fifty years too late, he decided to do the next best thing and reinvent it as a film director. He started filming noirish crime thrillers, but soon turned his attention to Lolita which he mistakenly believed to be porn. Ironically the same thing would happen on three more occasions with Spartacus, Dr. Strangelove and Barry Lyndon.

3. All Stanley Kubrick’s films are based on novels or short stories, even though Stanley himself couldn’t read or write and even had to have basic concepts such as ‘handle’, ‘discotheque’ and ‘cheese cake’ described to him by kindly friends. To choose a project Kubrick would cover himself in marmalade and have assistants throw novels at him until one stuck to his marmalade smeared body: hence the Hollywood phrase ‘Marmalade debate’. The Clockwork Orange was chosen because as a thin book – almost a novella – it lodged between his buttocks having been thrown like a Shuriken by Anthony Burgess himself.

4. 2001: a Space Odyssey was initially supposed to have much more dialogue and a voice-over, explaining the plot and the scientific background to the film, but Arthur C. Clarke had a very annoying voice and it was replaced at the last minute by classical music. The speaking monkeys from the first fifteen minutes of the movie were also scrapped and this footage has long been sought, as legendary as the Dr. Strangelove custard pie fight and the famous Full Metal Jacket animated sequence where Matthew Modine sings about Indochina to a bunch of curious chipmunks, later the inspiration for Alvin and the Chipmunks.

5. Stanley Kubrick invented the beard. Prior to Kubrick men could grow mustaches that they weaved under their chins to create the illusion of beardedness, or they used back hair brought forward, if they had no mustaches. Kubrick was given beard growing technology by NASA as a thank you present for faking the moon landing film. They also helped him film The Shining by providing him with real ghosts.

For more FACTS click HERE.


LONDON – It was announced this morning that the UK government will invest 500 million in the building of 25 experimental cinemas throughout the country.

Project Concentration is the brain child of current Home Secretary William Hague who has been working with an exclusive London think tank in order to bring his ideas to fruition.

Cinemas shouldn’t just be places of entertainment, inspiration and enjoyment, [said an adamant Hague.] People need to be informed and these state of the art venues will provide an environment in which citizens from deprived communities can come together and be re-educated en masse. We called it Project Concentration because we want people to concentrate on what they are watching. Anyone who says that word has bad connotations should stop living in the past. It’s a Brave New World out there

Hague claims he came up with the idea after he stumbled across Kubrick’s A Clockwork Orange during some late night channel surfing.

Obviously I’d read the book years ago but it never really gripped me. It was only when I saw the film that I realised that the Ludovico technique was the answer to our nations problems. Every chair in these 1000 seater venues will be kitted out with modern adaptations of the Ludivico apparatus and we are currently commissioning 10 films which will be the first features shown at the cinemas.

Asked what would be the subject of these films Hague was hesitant to go into detail.

It’s all top secret at the moment and I don’t want to reveal any spoilers but I can give you some titles. There’s The Bad Muslim, The Good Christian, Know Your Place, Keep Working, Don’t Ask Questions, Keep watching TV, Why you should be scared, We’ll protect You, Go back to Sleep and the new James Bond film The Spy Next Door.

The Studio Exec asked to interview an MP on the left of British politics to gage their reaction to these developments but after an exhaustive search and a lot of puzzled looks we were informed that they all became extinct in 1997.