THE HOBBIT’S 48 FPS CAUSES PREGNANCY

Hobbit Caesarian 










WELLINGTON – It was revealed today that the frame per second rate of the new Peter Jackson film The Hobbit: an Overly Hyped Journey can cause pregnancy in women aged 17-56.
The revelation came after initial speculation that it was responsible for several cases of vomiting. The vomiting it turned out was actually morning sickness and now over fifty cases of quasi-immaculate conceptions have been reported from the Wellington premier alone.
Peter Jackson was quick to dismiss the report:

Look we didn’t kill any animals (except the ones we did) and we didn’t get anyone pregnant with the new 48 fps. That’s utterly ridiculous. I don’t even understand how that can work, biologically. All 48 fps does is give a much clearer, more vibrant image.  

possible demon army

However, Dr. Wilfmore of the Cinematic Health Institute argues that entry to the film should be restricted to adolescent boys as a safety precaution:

We simply don’t know what is going to popping out of the uteruses of those women already effected and until we do, we would be better to be very cautious. I personally believe something Andy Serkis-like is probably in there. Or perhaps a small demonic army like in The Brood that Cronenberg film.