EXPECTING A ZACK SNYDER FILM TO BE GOOD RECOGNIZED AS MENTAL DISORDER

HOLLYWOOD – Psychiatrists identify Zack Snyder Syndrome as the repeated expectation that a Zack Snyder film will be good.

The Diagnostic and Statistical Handbook of Mental Disorders Fifth Edition – aka DSM-5 – has identified Zack Snyder Syndrome as ‘the persistent expectation that a Zack Snyder film will be anything other than a soggy wash of CGI swill plumped up with foolish pretensions and belabored stupidity’. It registers as a mental illness because of a ‘complete denial of reality and the repeated assumption that future results will proceed from identical initial conditions.’

Dr. Oliver Patrician visited the Studio Exec clinic to speak EXCLUSIVELY about the new condition and in doing so ‘raise awareness’:

We have seen people again and again come with this. They expect Watchmen to be good: and it isn’t. Then they expect Sucker Punch to be good. Again, not great, or good even. Then they go to see Man of Steel and despite repeated warnings and Zack Snyder’s name appearing prominently on publicity materials, they expect it to be great and it isn’t. This leads us to Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice and the strange phenomena that people were still expecting it to be good. At this point, we felt as a body that we ought to step in and diagnose this as an actual condition. Hopefully in the future people who expect a Zack Snyder film to be good will be able to seek treatment in good time.

Why is this condition so widespread?

In a word 300. People thought it was good. Competent. Arresting. And there are moments in all of Zack Snyder’s films but the arc of anticipation, excitement, disappointment and anger; denial, betrayal and grief has become so obviously predictable as to constitute a psychosis.

Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice will be banned in many countries following this news.

300: RISE OF AN EMPIRE ENTIRELY GAY

SPARTA – The upcoming sword and sandal sequel 300: Rise of an Empire starring Eva Green, Sullivan Stapleton and Rodrigo Santoro is going ‘to be entirely gay’, director Noam Murro has promised.

The new film departs from the original with some dazzlingly choreographed dance routines and some bitchy ‘This is Sparta’ style dialogue added by Sex and the City scribe Darren Star.

Mr. Star commented exclusively to The Studio Exec:

The original 300 directed by Zach Snyder was relatively gay – aimed mainly at a lot of teenage boys who didn’t know they were gay and sublimated it into a love of watching male torsos contorted in slow motion violence, with the occasional spurt of blobby fluid. But with 300: Rise of an Empire we’ve decided to absolute gay it up. 

Star Eva Green said that she was principally attracted to the gayness of the piece.

If you read the history books, you’ll see that Sparta was a society based entirely on homosexuality, with the women being kept in semi-servitude as basically baby breeders. My character is kind of the fag hag of the piece, who basically wants to hang out with all the gays and dance to One Direction

However not everyone is pleased with the new direction. Frank Miller – the author of the original graphic novel and noted conservative – said that the gayness was a betrayal of the purity of his vision of men stabbing each other in their nakedness, repeatedly, until everything was wet.

300: Rise of an Empire is bursting.

WESTBORO BAPTIST CHURCH LGBT FILM FESTIVAL

KANSAS – The controversial Westboro Baptist Church – best known for their “God Hates Fags” signs and their picketing of funerals – have announced that they will be running their own LGBT Film Festival this Summer.

For the statement and the full programme click after the jump. 

The Westboro Baptist Church here. I know, I know. You probably think of us as a bunch of pituitary glands armed with crucifixes. After all, you all are from Hollywood, the very centre of Beelzebub’s groin and don’t understand the pure teachings of the scripture. But in an effort to soften our image up some and get the kids on board – the ones we haven’t been able to brainwash from birth that is – we decided to reach out to the LGBT community. Yeah, you see how we didn’t just call them fags from the get go! So we’re organising a LGBT Film Festival of films we think have a salutary effect and help spread our message.


Philadelphia (director’s cut with an introduction by Tom Hanks): A ‘homosexual’ is rightly fired when he contracts a disease because of his filthy proclivities, a disease that comes straight from God’s middle finger! A black demon – who initially hates fags – defends him. Everyone goes to hell. Hilarious.

Brokeback Mountain: Two ‘homosexuals’ condemn themselves to eternal hell fire by using the body’s sewer as their own pleasure garden, when they should have been looking after the sheep, the way Jesus looked after sheep, caring for them and satisfying them, which is not to say he engaged in bestial congress. One of them dies and the other is Heartbroken. LMAO!

Milk: Sean Penn, the devil’s very own homunculus, plays an uppity ‘homosexual’ who fights against the righteous for ‘equal rights’. Josh Brolin shoots him dead and sends him straight to Hell! To make matters worse, James Franco is in it.

300: Three hundred Greek ‘homosexuals’ get into a fight with a black demon ‘transsexual’ and they all die violently and go to Hell. It’s really a kid’s film. 

The Passion of The Christ: A man who hangs around with a lot of other men and his loving mother, and who is betrayed by a man kissing him, is taken by a bunch of uniformed brutes and whipped and whipped and whipped and then hung on a cross naked for us to all gaze at and then rises again. Not ‘homosexual’.

Sex and the City 2: Why send fags homosexuals to Hell, when Carrie and friends seem so intent on bringing Hell to them?  

The WestboroBaptist Church LGBT Film Festival begins on the 15th of August.

TOP 5 CGI CLICHES

HOLLYWOOD – The Studio Exec FACT squad picks the top 5 worst CGI cliches.

The Studio Exec – the finest Film resource on the internet – brings you the 5 worst CGI clichés ever made in any film ever and shown on cinema screens in a movie house.


1, The flock of birds
A cityscape of obvious CGI-ness, a surging score, you can already hear Terry Gilliam saying ‘It’s only a model!’, but then Lo! what’s that? a flock of birds departs from the eaves of one part of the city and heads somewhere else. The audience can be heard gasping at the realisation that as birds live here this is a real city, for if it wasn’t, where would they live? Lord of the Rings, Gladiator, Star Wars: The Phantom Diarrhoea and The Game of Thrones.

2, Following a ballistic weapon, missile, arrow etc. to its target
Before CGI audiences would watch actions scenes with an arched eyebrow, and a monocle, smoking cigarettes in long cigarette holders and they would murmur: ‘That’s all very well, old boy, but if I don’t follow the cannonball from cannon mouth to explosion how can I really know what is happening?’ Please see The Alamo, Pearl Harbor, Lord of the Rings.
3, A character (usually a witness to a conspiracy) getting suddenly hit by a car, or truck
the sudden shock of a character being hit by a speeding vehicle has been much reduced by the fact we’ve now seen it on a number of occasions. Please see The Edge of Darkness, World War Z, 21 Jump Street.
4, Strangely clean gore
Ruby red blood gouting out of bodies torn literally to pixels. Please see Blade, 300, Resident Evil.
5, Hordes
be they armies rushing at each other into battle, to the then clash in the middle, or zombie lemmings pouring over walls, there’s something about the hyper realism of the horde which is as disconcerting as Robert Zemeckis’ dead eyes. World War Z, 300Lord of the Rings, The Hobbit and I am Legend. 

For more FACTS click HERE.