WARNER BROS BOARD MEET TO DISCUSS THE FLASH

Another day, another Ezra Miller story dominates the Hollywood news sites. Finally, the Warner Bros board meet to discuss the fate of their ailing DC tentpole movie, The Flash. The Studio Exec has the inside scoop on what went on behind the closed boardroom doors.

Warner Bros Board Meet To Discuss The Flash

At a secret location in Griffith Park, suspiciously close to Los Angeles Zoo, the Warner Bros Board meet to discuss the fate of The Flash. The finest bananas money could buy were shipped in especially. And with some of the world’s most prominent designers of tyre swings and tricycles on retainer at the Hollywood studio, rumors of an emergency board meeting were rife in Tinsel town.

Warner Bros Quit Monkeying Around

Some of the studio’s most powerful Simians were there. CEO and King Of The Swingers, King Louie chaired the meeting. CFO and disturbingly blonde Dr. Zaius from the original Planet Of The Apes talked at length about risk aversion, tax write-offs and strategies for reducing net losses. His strategies didn’t appear that popular amongst the majority of the board, who threw their shit at him.

Right Turn Clyde

Clyde from Every Which Way But Loose proposed a motion to blow raspberries and give everyone the finger while eating Ma’s Oreo cookies. And King Kong wanted the whole operation moved to The Empire State Building in Manhattan for some reason.

My God, It’s Full Of Assholes

At one point, the board nearly came to a decision as to what the hell they’re going to do with The Flash and particularly the Ezra Miller situation. Unfortunately, before a vote could be taken, King Louie stole a banana from 2001: A Space Odyssey’s Moonwatcher. The Stanley Kubrick missing link sci-fi star beat the shit out of the beloved Jungle Book Orangutan with a bone. The board then agreed to reconvene at another time, once they’ve all finished picking and grubs from each other’s backs.

The Flash Is Still Set To Be Released in 2023

WAS STANLEY KUBRICK MURDERED?

LONDON – A new book asks the question: Was Stanley Kubrick murdered?

Stanley Kubrick‘s life was surrounded by a miasma of legend and rumor. His films are the rich breeding ground for OCD analysis, OCD analysis and some more OCD analysis; and now his death has become the subject of  a new book by Hardy Mantellance – Who Killed Stanley Kubrick?

The Stanley Kubrick scholar claims that the Spartacus director was done in by a fatal confluence of Masonic Satanism, poison and an unbalanced man who had been fatally damaged by watching Barry Lyndon every night for eighteen years. 

I spoke to Hardy Mantellance in her West London home. 

Stanley Kubrick suffered a myocardial infarction in his sleep shortly after completing Eyes Wide Shut. A myocardial infarction is relatively simple to provoke with the use of poison. Who do we know who uses poisons in all his films and had a deadly rivalry with Stanley Kubrick?  Steven Spielberg.

But Spielberg was Stanley Kubrick’s friend!

Until they began to develop the script for AI together, at which point a deadly enmity grew between them over the creative disagreement. Kubrick wanted to make a ‘good film’. After Kubrick’s death no one was there to stop Spielberg from making a ‘bad film’, exactly as he had always wanted.   

So you’re accusing Oscar winner Steven Spielberg of murder?

That’s what they want you to think.

Who’s they?

The Saturn Death Cult who Kubrick had so brilliantly exposed in Eyes Wide Shut. The Saturn Death Cult are a secret group made up of the elite from business, politics and celebrity. They perform ritual sex orgies which culminate in human sacrifice and their members include that old enemy of Stanley Kubrick, Jack Nicholson.

What?

The night Kubrick died Nicholson was overheard to say at a Lakers game, ‘We did it!’ At the time people thought he was referring to the Lakers victory, but it was only afterwards some right minded folk realised he was actually referring to the successful conspiracy to do away with the man who had forced Nicholson to say ‘Here’s Johnny!’ 78 times, even though his name is actually Jack.

So Nicholson murdered Kubrick?

Ha ha, how innocent you are! But ask yourself this, if Nicholson killed Kubrick, why was Nicole Kidman unable to contain her tears on the Eyes Wide Shut featurette?

Because she was sad at the passing of a man she admired.

Those were tears of joy. Following the orders of her Svengali like husband – Tom Cruise – whose own religious cult Scientology had just signed a pact with the Saturn Death Cult worth billions of dollars, Nicole Kidman had baked some cupcakes which were laced with a powerful chemical provided by Steven Spielberg and concocted in his ‘Temple of Doom’ laboratory deep in the Hollywood hills and placed in a Tupperware container bought from a Kmart by Jack Nicholson on the twenty fifth anniversary of the Apollo moon landings, moon landings which were faked convincingly by Stanley Kubrick who was as a reward given the right to make any film he liked, even Barry Lyndon.

The fact would be exposed in Capricorn One directed by Peter Hyams, whose silence was bought by being given the apparently peach job of making a sequel to 2001: a Space Odyssey, but the peach proved to be a poison apple and the film – 2010: the Year We Make Contact – was a critical disaster. Hyams (who grew up two doors down from Ryan O’Neal) spent the rest of his life watching Barry Lyndon on a loop and plotting revenge, a revenge that was only made possible by a coincidental meeting with Malcolm McDowell, the actor made famous by A Clockwork Orange, but who Stanley Kubrick had humiliated when he once, June 7th, 1978, asked if Malcolm had lost any weight, knowing full well that Malcolm had not. 

So Peter Hyams, Malcolm McDowell, Steven Spielberg, Nicole Kidman, Tom Cruise, the Church of Scientology,  Jack Nicholson and the Satan Death Cult all conspired to kill Stanley Kubrick?

It would be comforting to think so, wouldn’t it? But the truth is actually a lot darker. Shelley Duvall…

At this point my recording device cut out and the rest of the interview is lost. Coincidence? I don’t know. 

Hardy Mantellance’s Who Killed Stanley Kubrick? is available from Amazon and all good book stores.

5 FACTS YOU NEVER KNEW ABOUT STANLEY KUBRICK

HOLLYWOOD – Stanley Kubrick still continues to have a massive influence on the world of Cinema today, but what do we really know about the director who brought us the Monolith, wrote Singing in the Rain and always directed films with his Eyes Wide Shut?

The Studio Exec FACT squad was sent to the archives to find out everything there is to know about the reclusive genius called Stanley Kubrick and this is what they found.

1. Stanley Kubrick probably wasn’t murdered (CLICK HERE for the theory). Although there have been many theories about his sudden demise, including ideas about the Illuminati being angry about Eyes Wide Shut revealing their secrets, the cause of Stanley Kubrick’s death look like being entirely natural.

2. Stanley Kubrick first made his name as a photographer in New York for Time Magazine among others. He first got the idea to become a movie director when he was holding a bunch of photographs together that he had just developed and by flipping through them saw that he had in fact invented cinema. Disconcerted that he was about fifty years too late, he decided to do the next best thing and reinvent it as a film director. He started filming noirish crime thrillers, but soon turned his attention to Lolita which he mistakenly believed to be porn. Ironically the same thing would happen on three more occasions with Spartacus, Dr. Strangelove and Barry Lyndon.

3. All Stanley Kubrick’s films are based on novels or short stories, even though Stanley himself couldn’t read or write and even had to have basic concepts such as ‘handle’, ‘discotheque’ and ‘cheese cake’ described to him by kindly friends. To choose a project Kubrick would cover himself in marmalade and have assistants throw novels at him until one stuck to his marmalade smeared body: hence the Hollywood phrase ‘Marmalade debate’. The Clockwork Orange was chosen because as a thin book – almost a novella – it lodged between his buttocks having been thrown like a Shuriken by Anthony Burgess himself.

4. 2001: a Space Odyssey was initially supposed to have much more dialogue and a voice-over, explaining the plot and the scientific background to the film, but Arthur C. Clarke had a very annoying voice and it was replaced at the last minute by classical music. The speaking monkeys from the first fifteen minutes of the movie were also scrapped and this footage has long been sought, as legendary as the Dr. Strangelove custard pie fight and the famous Full Metal Jacket animated sequence where Matthew Modine sings about Indochina to a bunch of curious chipmunks, later the inspiration for Alvin and the Chipmunks.

5. Stanley Kubrick invented the beard. Prior to Kubrick men could grow mustaches that they weaved under their chins to create the illusion of beardedness, or they used back hair brought forward, if they had no mustaches. Kubrick was given beard growing technology by NASA as a thank you present for faking the moon landing film. They also helped him film The Shining by providing him with real ghosts.

For more FACTS click HERE.

HIDDEN GEMS 2. 2001: A SPACE ODYSSEY

Hidden Gems is a series bringing to light little known filmic gems and rarities that have somehow managed to slip through the collective cinematic consciousness. You’re welcome. 

2001: a Space Odyssey

I know what you’re thinking: 1. I don’t like historical drama and 2. I hate classical Greek literature about assholes who take twenty odd years to navigate the Mediterranean.

But surprisingly you’d be wrong on both counts. Stanley Kubrick’s 2001: A Space Odyssey is actually what they call a ‘Science Fiction’ film which was made in 1968 when 2001 was still in the future!

And it’s in English with no lost Greeks in sight!

Okay, so that’s why not to hate this little known cult treasure but in a world where you can watch Transformers again or Avatar, why waste your time on some old clunk bucket made before CGI was invented. Well, it’s a tough one but here goes.

1. Monkeys: film starts with monkeys and you can’t get much better than that.

2. Soundtrack: not only is the music sublime, there’s the greatest version of ‘Daisy, Daisy, give me an answer do’ ever committed to celluloid.

3. A big mad brick. The story resolves around these big black bricks which basically pop up when Mr.s Kubrick and Arthur C. Clarke get bored.

4. ‘Woah shit!’ bit at the end where it just goes disco biscuits all over the screen. The cinematic equivalent of spassing out and not giving a shit.

5. Zero gravity toilet. Stanley Kubrick had a one joke limit on each film and this one’s a ‘cracker’.

So to recap: a big mad brick teaches vegetarian monkeys how to eat meet, accidentally starts the arms race so another mad brick sends a bunch of astronauts to Jupiter where, after mad computer kills all but one, survivor crashes through another mad brick and grows so old he becomes a great big baby.

Magic!

For more Hidden Gems CLICK HERE.

NOT MAKING FILMS: THE STEVEN SODERBERGH DIARIES 7

HOLLYWOOD – Being the Seventh installment of Not Making Films by Steven Soderbergh, we give an intimate window into the life of one of cinema’s most beguiling unemployed talents: Steven Soderbergh.

August, 2014.
I get together with Cinemax to talk about The Knick. It’s going to be ER meets the Boardwalk Empire, I tell them. They’re really pleased. They have some suggestions for casting but I tell them that I would really like Jan Michel Vincent and failing him, Clive Owen.

September, 2014.
Although I’m not making films any more and I’m really relieved to be back behind the camera making television in a cinematic way with Clive Owen among others. Jan Michel Vincent turned me down but Clive is okay. The trick to filming him is to get the hair right. As far as I’m concerned Clive Owen’s hair is the star and it just happens to have Clive Owen swinging beneath it.

October, 2014.

The television isn’t working at the moment. The color is ‘on the blink’, as Clive Owen might say. I was watching Raiders of the Lost Ark in black and white anyway and it occurred to me I should put some acid jazz under this and put it on the internet. I could give some guff like reason for it and see what everyone says. The Knick ceases to interest me. It kind of directs itself now. Raiders of the Lost Ark in black and white. Ha ha. I’ma genius.

November, 2014.

Thanksgiving with Ben and Matt. They’re such jokers those guys and boy can they drink beer. We’re always talking about how I don’t direct films anymore and I say to them, I really like the freedom I have and I’m really happy and I just leave it out there, but they just look at each other and smirk. I’m sure they’re desperate to get me back directing again. The silence whenever it comes up is eloquent.

December, 2014.

I don’t like biscuits anymore.

January, 2015.

I was watching 2001: a Space Odyssey the other day and I missed five minutes because I had to go to the toilet, and then I thought what if I edited 2001: a Space Odyssey? Do you think Kubrick would mind? Of course not, I said to myself. He’s dead. Next month, I’m doing Rocky IV with a new classical score and I’m going to do all the voices.

For more of Not Making Films: The Steven Soderbergh Diaries Click Here.

GEORGE LUCAS PREPARES 2001: A SPACE ODYSSEY SPECIAL EDITION

 HOLLYWOOD – Star Wars genius George Lucas is in the final stages of preparing a newly remastered version of the Stanley Kubrick Science Fiction masterpiece 2001: a Space Odyssey.

The new version – 2001: a Space Odyssey: Special Edition – has been completely remastered and new CGI effects have replaced all the practical effects of the originals. Lucas enthused EXCLUSIVELY to the Studio Exec today:

I’ve always been a huge fan of the Kubrick original but there were always a few things which took away from my enjoyment and I imagine also distracted other people. For instance the monkeys never looked realistic to me. So I got Andy Serkis in to do some motion capture and now all the monkeys are fantastic. Being CGI they can do much more acrobatic things as well and fly. 

Other changes include:

  • Re-editing to show the monolith shot first.
  • A brand new score by John Williams.
  • A voice over by Sir Anthony Hopkins from a script by Damon Lindelof, explaining all the difficult bits.
  • CGI spaces ships and space station. 
  • CGI aliens at the conference on the moon, including a Jabba the Hutt cameo.
  • An alternative ending replaces the Stargate sequence and which has Dave Bowman attacking the Monolith Star and using the Force to murder everyone.

2001: a Space Odyssey: Special Edition will be released in 2017.

ROUGH CUT: 2001: A SPACE ODYSSEY WITH ORIGINAL DIALOGUE

SHEPPERTON – Stanley Kubrick’s 2001: a Space Odyssey is one of the classics of all time, but now an earlier ‘rough cut’ of the film has been discovered in a discarded bin at Shepperton Studios.

The footage comes from the iconic ‘Monkey with bone’ scene and features the previously unheard dialogue originally provided by veteran English stage actor Sir Edwin Fluffer, who recalls:

The script was very rudimentary to begin with – a grunt here and there – but Stanley soon had me doing take after take reciting Wilfred Owen and ad libbing. Imagine my disappointment and embarrassment when I saw the film at the cinema with all my friends to see my performance utterly botched in post. But that was Stanley!