STEVEN SPIELBERG CRITICIZED FOR TROPHY HUNTING IMAGES

HOLLYWOOD – Trophy hunting images spark outrage against Steven Spielberg.

Pictures apparently showing Steven Spielberg posing with a trophy kill has caused consternation and fury across social media. One twitterbook personality something Paul told the Studio Exec:

I think it’s completely crazy. I for one love Always and 1941, but this will not stand. How can someone go into the wild and kill these beautiful animals is utterly disgusting.

Martin Havesmith shouted his disgust down an old style telephone with the curly wire.

The BFG filled me with a childlike wonder with a stunning performance by Mark Rylance but how would Mr Spielberg liked it if he was shot and stuffed and then photographed by a bunch of high paid animals? Not very much. That’s how.

The ASPCA announced that a full investigation is ongoing.

It is unclear whether Steven Spielberg has broken any laws. However, we do know that the animal he is photographed with is believed to be close to extinction if not actually now extinct. This is outrageous. It makes me want to sick up.

A spokesperson for Mr. Steven Spielberg told the Studio Exec:

Spielberg made Tintin and the Secret of the Unicorn, he can shoot any fucking animal he wants to, so go fuck yourselves you bunch of whining shits.

West Side Story will not be very good.

STEVEN SPIELBERG: ALL MY MOVIES HAPPENED TO ME

MALIBU -In an EXCLUSIVE column, Steven Spielberg – director of Always and The Terminal – gives a unique insight into the workings of his brain pan and his film-making.

Hi, I’m Steven Spielberg and I make tight MovieFilms. You might have seen them on tapes and cinemas. What you don’t know is that all my MovieFilms are true stories and they all happened to me. No Sh*t!

For Example:

The ‘Jaws’.

This was a deeply personal autobiographical account of the time I spent working as a Chief of Police in a small seaside town in the early 70s. I changed some stuff at the suggestion of my friend George. I thought these changes seemed simply crazy! Too wild to even consider, but in retrospect it had the dual consequence of making me a shit-tonne of monies and helping to deflect from my being a suspect in the murder of some Islanders.

You see, in reality, it was a damn mystery who was killing those folks! After we found the first scantily clad teenage girl, dead and mangled on the beach, we assumed it was either a crime of passion or some kinky love-making ritual gone a bit askew (people get bored in small communities and try stuff, it happens). When the second girl turned up in a similar location with similar injuries the guys down the station got all excited and started talking about the possibility of us having an honest to heck serial killer. Thus the legend of Kinky Jack was born.

We were stumped, more bodies turned up, and not just hot teen girls in bikinis; kids, old sailors, even dogs! All dumped in or around the sea/beach type area. We questioned every saucy old seaman who ever crossed our path in those weeks but couldn’t get a grip on this damn case at all. Eventually I had to take some time.

I hooked up with a few buddies and decided to take a boat trip to clear my head. It was blissful at first; telling stories over a few whiskey shots, showing each other our bodies in the crisp moonlight…then one day…shit, it’s hard to talk about it even now. I woke up to find them both dead and mangled! One, chopped in half below the waist and the other floating in pieces in a weird little cage tied to the boat. Kinky Jack! He had struck again, but how? And why spare me?

It would sure look real funky; the chief of police turning up, covered in blood on a ghost boat claiming to have no idea who killed his shipmates. So I did what anyone would. I weighed down the remains of the bodies, chopped a hole in the side of the boat and swam home on a little yellow float. I told anyone who asked that my buddies just decided to go on a trip. Boom. Everyone bought it.

We never did find the killer and Kinky Jack seemed to have sated whatever deadly fetishes moved him so…no more bodies turned up and we all kind of left it. Bit of a relief really.

A few years later when I decided to get into Movifilms full time a pal said ‘write what you know’ so I decided to make all my MovieFilms about my own life…but, you know, I don’t want people asking any questions. Hence, Kinky Jack became a big ol’ rubber shark! How crazy does that sound? Well they bought it. You all bought it.

This was fun. I like sharing.

For more from 1941 director Steven Spielberg Click HERE!

STEVEN SPIELBERG’S SNAKE BITE ADVICE

 HOLLYWOOD – ‘Snakes! Why did it have to be snakes?’ says Indy in Raiders of the Lost Ark. And why indeed!? But sometimes, it is snakes and having some basic medical advice can be the difference between life and amputation or in extreme cases death.

Hi, I’m Steven Spielberg, director of AlwaysThe Color Purple and Munich, although you probably know me better from the Jurassic Park or Indiana Jones films, especially Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull. Today I want to give you some advice on what to do if you or your hiking companion is bit by a poisonous snake.
Now there are several deadly snakes in California so the number one priority here is speed. I didn’t get to make several Oscar winning films by being a slow coach, oh no. As soon as you have been bitten, or a member of your party has been bitten, you need to leap into action. My contribution to action cinema is not entirely irrelevant. Aside from the afore-mentioned Raiders of the Lost Ark, Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom and Indiana Jones and the Lost Crusade, I also made Tin Tin: the Secret of the Unicorn, which holds up even today. It could be argued that Jaws is in fact a rollicking action movie, but we’re not here to talk about shark bites. No, we’re here to talk about snake bites, which can be, as I said already, deadly. 

Time. Time is important. At the time, Hook and 1941 were treated quite harshly by the critics, but re-watching both those films recently, I think they hold up. Success, though, has a way of creating some quite venomous adversaries. And none more venomous perhaps, than snakes. 


So I hope this has been helpful.


For more advice by Steven Spielberg, CLICK HERE.

AN APPEAL FROM STEVEN SPIELBERG

HOLLYWOOD – Hi, my name is Steven Spielberg, director of such great films as Close Encounters of the Third Kind, Jaws, Raiders of the Lost Ark, Lincoln, War Horse, Sugarland Express, Schindler’s List, Jurassic Park, Catch Me If You Can, Saving Private Ryan, Amistad, Hook, 1941, The Color Purple, Empire of the Sun, Munich and Always.

You might also know me from my executive producer credits on ER, Falling Skies, the Transformers series and many other TV Shows and films. Oh, I also kind of directed Poltergeist, but shhhhh. 

But today I don’t want to talk to you as the director of Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom, Tin Tin the Secret of the Unicorn and certainly not as the director of The Terminal … to tell you the truth I always try and forget that one. 

No. I’m here to talk to you as a normal human being. A simple man. Cast from your mind Jurassic Park: The Lost World and Duel. Not to mention the beguiling science fiction fairy tales A.I. and E.T. And let’s not get into my cameo role in The Blues Brothers, or those documentaries I made about the Second World War and President Obama. And what’s the point in dredging up the segment of The Twilight Zone movie and those episodes of Columbo I was involved with? I was a young man, a kid and no one knew me. It just isn’t relevant to the point I want to make and this very important issue which I would like to shine a light on today.

So PLEASE sign the petition and remember to give generously. Thank You.


Steven Spielberg

SCHINDLER’S LIST, A ‘TRUE STORY’ CLAIMS EXPERT

Famous and accomplished film director, Steven Spielberg has come under attack from Princeton University history professor Dr. Marcus Grumble who claims in his new book Copycat: How Spielberg Robbed History that the 1941 filmmaker stole the story lines of many of his most famous films from reality.
Dr. Grumble even goes so far as to claim that Oscar winning masterpiece Schindler’s List is nothing more than a copy of stuff that actually happened, but with actors pretending to be people who they are really not.
Speaking in the pipe smoke filled office in the leafy confines of frosty academia, Grumble said:

He is a very good film director and I though – when I began my book – a wholly original one. Space aliens and archaeologists whipping people, and what have you. It was to my horror that I discovered that the story behind Schindler’s List was almost entirely taken from reality and Oscar Schindler did in fact exist and save Jews etc. Spielberg even has the audacity to put the real people at the end of his film walking beside the actors. Talk about hiding in plain sight. 

Continuing his investigation, Grumble noticed also that the D-Day landings were an actual event and not a Hollywood set piece devised by Spielberg to show off his new shaky camera. Likewise, he can confirm that Lincoln is not a fictional character and did indeed emancipate the slaves.

The more I dug the more I found out what a fraud and copier Spielberg was. He makes up very little. Amistad? True event. Catch Me If You Can? True story. Munich? Actually happened. Jurassic Park? True. It’s almost as if he’s taking real life stuff, and somehow reproducing it in a dramatic form with people who pretend to be real people who really lived. Spielberg, or Steal-berg as I call him, is no more than a plagiarist of history.

Steven Spielberg refused to be interviewed thus proving everything Dr. Grumble said to be entirely true.

TARANTINO DISSES SPIELBERG’S SLAVE-OWNING ‘IT’S PLAIN WRONG!’

HOLLYWOOD – Quentin Tarantino has angrily asserted that Steven Spielberg is a disgrace to the directing profession and should have his cap taken off him and given to someone ‘who won’t lose it up his ass.’

The rant was provoked by the news which broke yesterday that Steven Spielberg has been a slave owner since the late Seventies, owning over two hundred Vietnamese slaves in a plantation in Dakota.

‘I’ve always admired Stevie,’ said Four Rooms co-director, flapping his hands in the air. ‘Always, always. Duel and 1941 oh and Always are some of the finest films I’ve ever seen. But Spielberg has been drifting to the right for years now. First of all with his Young Hitler picture Munich which I didn’t see out of protest and now the news that he actually owns slaves.’

Tarantino – who is working on his biopic of Jazz legend Django Riendhart entitled Django Unchained  – says that the slavery issue is very close to his heart. ‘I’ve always wanted to have slaves myself,’ Tarantino said. ‘Hey I’m no puritan. I understand that Spielberg wants to be able to kill people with impunity and get them to do whatever he wants. But there are limits.’

When Studio Exec challenged Tarantino about his friend Kurt Russell who is a vocal defender of slavery, the Dawn to Dusk ‘actor’ got quite irate  ‘Kurt is a great friend and an artist who I admire very much. What he does with human beings who he had bought at market with Goldie Hawn’s money is entirely his business.’

Isn’t that exactly true of Spielberg also then?

‘Yes,’ said Mr T (as he prefers to be known). ‘Yes. I suppose it is. Okay. Forget everything I just said. Let’s talk about my picture where’s the reset button on this thing.’

Django Unchained will be followed by The Hateful Eight.

STEVEN SPIELBERG: SLAVE OWNER AND HYPOCRITE

HOLLYWOOD – Film maker, Steven Spielberg has long been seen as a master storyteller and a conductor whose orchestra is the vast array of human sentiment. However, today on the eve of the release of his epic Lincoln starring Daniel Day Lewis, it has been revealed that he is also a slave owner.

The Amblin Plantation in South Dakota contains a population of over three hundred Vietnamese slaves which the 1941 director bought in the late seventies before slavery was made definitively illegal and while, according to Kate Capshaw: ‘It was all the rage’.

His first slave was Hai Ke Quan, the father of Jonathan Ke Quan who played Short Round in Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom in 1984. His slaves are apparently treated humanely except for any who voice dissent about Spielberg’s role as Executive Producer on the Transformers franchise. One run away slave however spoke of having to sit through Amistad every night for a week.

‘It was like totally hypocritical,’ Ho Ak Bahn said. ‘I mean you know. Bullshit man.’

When questioned about the plantation, Spielberg responded that he had nothing to hide and nothing to be ashamed of. ‘These people are like children who need to be taken care of,’ he said.

Short Round was captured starred in a film and then sent aback

But isn’t this precisely the attitude that Lincoln and Amistad criticise? Studio Exec courageously was alone in asking, with a frail tremulous voice on the verge of cracking.

‘No,’ said The Sugarland Express (as he likes to be known). ‘That is a totally different kettle of fish. Mine aren’t black, so it isn’t racism.’