SYRIA CELEBRATES COMIC-CON ANNOUNCEMENTS

Lenny Delowitz Jul 24, 2016

SYRIA – Jubilation broke out on the streets of Syria this weekend after news of Marvel’s Comic-Con announcements swept the nation.

“What a time to be alive,” said 14 year old boy soldier, Asif Yaba.

I had planned to suicide bomb a local market square but when I saw the new trailer for Doctor Strange, I got so excited I watched it fifty times and forgot to blow myself up!

Reports of a total ceasefire have not been confirmed but Asif said he hasn’t heard the sound of an explosion in at least 12 hours:

It’s been really quiet. I did hear the sound of gunfire this morning but apparently that was just people shooting up in the air celebrating the casting of Brie Larson as Ms. Marvel.

Asked if he expected the uneasy peace to continue, Asif was cautiously optimistic:

I think people have realised that if the fighting continues, they risk never seeing another Marvel movie again. I mean sure, there is a chance you will be rewarded with 72 virgins in heaven if you sacrifice yourself in the name of Islam, but you know for damn certain that Thor: Ragnarok comes out in October.

General Assad himself is rumoured to be willing to extend the olive branch to rebel forces and in a recent press conference, he hinted at the reasons why:

In retrospect,  The Amazing Spider-Man incited a lot of anger in this country and the sequel tipped many of us over the edge, but after seeing the new guy in Captain America:  Civil War,  fresh hope and optimism is finally returning to the streets of Syria.