5100 West Sunset Boulevard,
Dear Abdellatif Kechiche, Léa Seydoux and Adèle Exarchopoulos,
I watched with an enormous sense of emotional investment your Palme d’Or triumph Blue is the Warmest Color. It was in my humble opinion one of the best love stories committed to celluloid in the last two decades, if not more. It was an epic of the intimate. Steven Spielberg – who sat next to me during the screening – turned to me and said “We are all lesbians”. I later saw him jumping up and down on his baseball cap, as he realised his best films were well executed comic books for adults. Even Ang Lee was blubbing and you know what a rock that man has for a heart. So please, bearing in mind the love, the genuine love and admiration I feel for your wonderful film, I have to tell you:
SHUT THE FUCK UP!!!!
SHUT UP! SHUT UP! SHUT THE FUCK UP!!!!
For the love of Christ, shut up.
Léa and Adèle, we get it, the film was hard to make, the director a bit of an asshole, and for the record and the umpteenth time you are not gay (as if anyone gives a shit).
And Abdellatif, you are a sensitive artist and your heart is wounded, but you’re also a manipulative bastard, admit it. You’re a film DIRECTOR for crying out loud! It’s part of your essential skill set.
I’ve been lucky enough to see what I consider as close to a work of art as cinema ever gets, now shut up, shut up,
And well done. Seriously well done.
The Studio Exec