HOLLYWOOD -Organizers of the 2014 Oscars have initiated a ‘Blue Tick Protocol’ after it was discovered that the person collecting awards this season for Jared Leto is actually a parody account. There is even some speculation as to whether the Oscar nominated performance in the critically acclaimed Dallas Buyers Club was by the genuine Leto or the nefarious impostor.
Head of Oscar security Ty Irons (son of Jeremy) explained the details of the new system.
No blue tick, no entry. I don’t care if you look like Clooney, smell like Clooney, or drink a smooth yet rich espresso with the beguiling louche charm of Clooney, if I don’t see a huge hovering tick next to your face I’m coming atcha.
Hollywood is now in a verification frenzy as A-List to Z-List scramble to have themselves verified for the up-coming ceremony. Sandra Bullock is reported to have performed the entirety of Gravity in one take, without special effects for the Oscar verification board. Christian Bale is reported to have taken a method acting approach and has actually taken on the form of a blue tick and is currently adorning the fabulous breast of Jennifer Lawrence.
Other actors have not fared as well, such as Matthew McConnaughey who, in an attempt to emulate his recent character from Dallas Buyers Club has drastically lost half his body weight, and as a consequence is too weak to carry his cumbersome blue tick to the ceremony.
The Oscars might be cancelled because of a lack of media interest.