Star Wars Episode VII
HOLLYWOOD – Today, Disney have finally revealed the title, teaser poster and  some vital plot information on the new Star Wars Episode VII movie. 

Super 8 and Star Trek director, J.J. Abrams had this to say:

It’s been hard keeping this under wraps but I can finally shout it from the rooftops. Star Wars VII is called Star Wars: Episode VII: Puddy Planet! 

It’s bold J.J. I’ll give you that…so what exactly are the Puddys?

The Puddys are a noble race of kitten-like creatures who live on a remote world on the outskirts of the New Republic. They spend their time singing, playing piano, photo-bombing and licking their anuses. But, they’re super strong with the force. So stuff happens and it’s all like ‘pew pew, ‘splosions and blaaaaaam’: in other words, a thrill ride.

How are the returning cast reacting to their new feline co-stars?

They don’t know. We filmed Harrison Ford, Carrie Fisher and Mark Hamill on green screen for three months walking around and saying lines. It’s a technique I learned from George Lucas, swears it’s the only way to get enough usable coverage of Ford. If you give him a script, he just mumbles and acts all grumpy. This way we could add their footage to whatever kind of story we thought could sell the most toys. I did a couple of takes where I insisted Ford walk around dangling some string and I had Hamill play around with a laser pen, they didn’t suspect a thing. I’m not sure about Fisher though, she just mostly hung out with a bunch of Cuban guys, laughing her ass off one minute, dancing on top of tables the next, and then threatening to have us killed “just like that asshole Warren Beatty“. Isn’t he still alive?

Star Wars Episode VII: Puddy Planet will be released in 2016.

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Author: Soso Fantastico

Over yonder, having a ponder

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