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Thursday 6 August 2020
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STAR WARS IS CHILDISH SHIT

STAR WARS IS CHILDISH SHIT

HOLLYWOOD – George Lucas’ 1977 space opera Star Wars is to cinema what Weetabix is to cuisine.

Star Wars! May the Fourth be with you! Get it? because it sounds a little bit like Force. May the Force be with you. May the 4th be with you. See? No? Screw you. In the Studio Exec office an argument broke out. You see there was an article claiming that Empire Strikes Back was actually a terrible Star Wars movie. We weren’t agreeing or denying it. Rather, we were all argue about who gave less of a fuck. You see Star Wars is a children’s film, but all the children who liked it now own media companies, film studios and edit newspapers. So it’s become what can only be described as a thing.

I speak as someone who queued to watch the Star Wars when it was just a Baby Yoda. And I loved it. And I saw Empire Strikes Back in a theater in old Ireland a long time ago. Before Luke Skywalker actually ended up living there. I watched every single Star Wars film in the cinema. Even the unflushed toilet that is Attack of the Clones. I tried so hard to like Phantom Menace, I had to go to hospital with a strained face. But somewhere along the way, we got lost. I mean come on. Fighting about The Last Jedi like it means something? Upset with JJ Abrams – the maker of Lost  – because he didn’t nail the landing. The. Maker. of. Lost.

Crazy stuff. We got the toys, the universe, music, the sound effects, the comic books, the movies and now the TV shows, animated and otherwise and it’s just going to go on and on. The nerds have become geeks and the geeks have taken over the world. And like grown up kids they want to have dessert for dinner and cereal for lunch. Well, tuck in assholes. And may the diabetes be with you.

The Studio Exec utterly disclaims this article.

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