Earlier today social media platforms exploded with the news that Disney has bought Lucas Film and plans to make Star Wars Episode 7 in 2015.
We caught up with George in his vault dressed in a bathing suit and swimming in gold coins.
George, how the devil are you?
I’m rich baby, rich as rich can be.
So what made you sign over the rights of your life’s work to Disney?
In a word, money. I’m going to buy a continent, maybe Asia and declare myself Emperor.
Exciting stuff. What can you tell us about the upcoming Episodes 7,8,9?
Well it’s pretty simple. Luke has a son, Luke’s wife is killed, Luke turns to the dark side, Luke becomes Vader, Luke’s son becomes a Jedi, Luke’s son Kills Vader.
Wow, that’s original.
Indeed. Then for 10, 11, 12 Luke’s son has a son, the son’s wife is killed, the son turns to the dark side, the son becomes Vader, the Son’s son becomes a Jedi, The Son’s son kills Vader. Rinse and repeat Ad Nauseam until the end of time itself.
Interesting. Who will be playing Luke’s son?
Well it’s got to be Justin Bieber. He has millions of twitter followers and if we cast him that’s like an extra 500 million in the bank.
A shrewd move..anyone else?
Yeah sure. Ricky Gervias, Stephen Fry, Lady Gaga. Basically anyone with over 2 million twitter followers we’ll throw in there.
Will the original cast be returning?
I should think so. Let’s be honest, Fisher and Hamill need the cash and Ford needs a hit. Anyway, if they turn us down we’ll just get Andy Serkis in to play them all via motion capture.
What do you say to all those people who accuse you of destroying their childhoods by ruining a once beloved franchise with endless sequels.
I say F*ck you. I’ve got more money than China what the hell do I care what a bunch of peasants think?
A good point, well made. So what else are you going to do with your enormous wealth?
I’m going to make a sequel to Howard the Duck .
Star Wars Episode 7 to be released in 2015.
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