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Thursday 12 December 2019
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STAR TREK INTO DARKNESS TRAILER: REVIEW

STAR TREK INTO DARKNESS TRAILER: REVIEW
Data returns!

The new JJJ AbramsStar Trek Into Darkness is not due to be released until star date something something 2013, but the release of a teaser trailer today literally sent the internet into geeking jizzland and in Egypt caused Trekkie supporters to try and overturn the government after President Morsi, issued a statement claiming that Star Trek Into Darkness looked ‘lame’ and he was ‘way more stoked about Star Wars Episode VII‘. But when the burning bodies have been doused and the dead counted what did we really learn about JJJJJ Abrams’ actual new film cinema movie film.
Five things we learnt about Star Trek Into the Darkness. 

  1. Star Trek into the Darkness is an awful title. As much as it wants to go “oooooh we’re really dark and serious” the word ‘trek’ kinda let’s it down. Walk into the darkness? Yes. Run into the darkness, march, stagger, yes, yes, yes. But Treking into the Darkness? Nordic walking into the darkness? Segue into the darkness? 
  2. JJJJJJJ Abrams’ is keeping the Tribbles close to his chest. As reported here (Click to read Star Trek Tribbles article) the most beloved Viagra fuelled aliens, the Tribbles will make a return in the new ‘dark’ film. Apparently, Michael Fassbender has been called in to do some motion capture to give the ceaseless rutting of the Tribbles, a tortured agonized feel a là Shame.
  3. Things blow up and stuff. And people go no!!!!!!!
  4. Peet Monzingo looks fantastic as bar patron 2. Good work Peet!
  5. Studios really don’t need to spend that much money on publicity when the internet is chock full of blogs and film sites which happily write hundreds of words about fucking posters and reviews of tease trailers for free. Oh, which I suppose we’re doing okay as well, but only because oh Fuck You.
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