HOLLYWOOD – Rumours are swirling on social media that Steven Spielberg is currently filming Jaws 19: Jaws in Space.
An anonymous source at London’s Pinewood Studios called our office and gave us an exclusive insight into this mysterious movie. Below is an edited transcript of that conversation.
Can you tell us who you are?
Er, no. Well you see I’m famous and if Spielberg finds out he’ll get all Munich on my ass. I’ll make up a name, er, Harrison Fjord.
Are you Scandinavian?
No, I’m Irish Catholic. Ah shit. I mean yes, sure, I’m from Finland.
So Harry, what can you tell us about Jaws in Space?
It’s going to be amazing. I’ve seen about 30 minutes of footage and it’s shaping up to be a masterpiece.
Can you reveal any plot details?
Sure. I play High Chief Martin Brody, the commander of the Amity colony on the Planet Quint 91753. We get a distress call from a nearby moon about a Great White Shark that swims through the universe devouring entire galaxies and it’s on a direct course for our planet.
Wow, so you have to fight him off?
Exactly. First this huge shark sends out smaller shark to attack cities and they all get destroyed. Only Amity remains and so we gather our forces and take the fight to him.
Amazing. How do you eventually kill it?
I’m not sure but I have seen the props department building a 500ft stick of dynamite so maybe that plays a part.
Sounds like it might. Is there anything else you can tell us?
Only that it’s going to be in 3D and Jennifer Lawrence is…ah Christ, Spielberg’s coming and he looks pissed. I’ve got to go.
JAWS 19 IS DUE FOR RELEASE IN 2017