‘I slipped’

HOLLYWOOD – Steven Spielberg once claimed that he made 1989’s adventure sequel Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade to apologize for the gloomy, gruesome violence in Temple of Doom (1984). Well, now he is planning a shot-for-shot remake of the Last Crusade to apologize for 2008’s travesty, Kingdom of the Crystal Skull.

Spielberg explains:

I really feel that we messed up with Crystal Skull. Looking back now, it really wasn’t the film that people were waiting nineteen years for. They deserved so much more and we simply didn’t deliver. So, we have decided to make another Indiana Jones film to make up for it. Harrison is excited about it. And I really I want to do it too. The only thing is, if we were to wait around for George [Lucas] to sign off on a brand new story then we would all be way too old. So, we have decided to return to a story that we know for sure Indy fans all over the world know and love.

Legendary Composer John Williams will also be returning but his job will be considerably easier this time around as the music has already been composed. He just needs to re-conduct the re-recording.

Disappointingly, Sean Connery will NOT, however, be returning to play the role of Henry Jones Sr. as he retired from acting several years ago.

“That’s not a problem,” Spielberg says, enthusiastically. “George had the foresight to bring Sean into ILM during the post production phase of Last Crusade and have him digitally scanned from head to toe. We can just recreate his performance digitally and insert him seamlessly into the live action. And his lines will be exactly the same as before so we don’t need to re-record them. It’s simple, really.”

And what about the issue of Denholm Elliott (Marcus Brody), who passed away in 1992?

Same story.

And…River Phoenix?

Erm… yeah, I think we scanned him too.

How about Robert Eddison, the late actor who played the Grail Knight?

Any old man in make-up and the right costume can play that part.

Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade Redux has already been shot.

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