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Tuesday 23 July 2019
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SPEAK SEQUELESE

SPEAK  SEQUELESE

HOLLYWOOD – As the original ideas drought continues, relieved only by the occasional Paul Thomas Anderson oasis, it has become increasingly difficult to work out exactly what kind of regurgitated stench bucket you’re being forced to experience.

So here’s Studio Exec’s quick guide to Sequelese.

Sequel: Easy. A film that follows on from another film. 

Prequel: Easy again. A film made after another film but which chronologically comes before the action of the previous film. This could be made after the sequel lemon has been squeezed until it is as dry as corpse dust. Especially good if your original cast is a bit Roger Moored out and you want some young faces.

Reboot: We’ve already made a bunch of sequels and the original cast are Shatnered so we’re going to go back and start all over again. The studio usually does this by sticking a straightened out paper clip into a tiny tear duct shaped hole at the back of the original film.

Trilogy: We made another sequel and want to give it the ring of class rather than make it feel like we’ve just been unoriginal twice.

Quadrolgy: We’ve been unoriginal thrice. Made up word meaning nothing at all and wearing the classiness thing pretty thin, especially when it might include Die Hard 4 or Alien Resurrection.

Reimagining: We know you are bored of this so we’ve changed some stuff while still not going to the bother of thinking of something original. 

Franchise:  Borrowed from the high-cultured world of hamburger restaurants and pretentious coffee shops, this is a license for us to extract the most money for the least expenditure of thinking about doing something new. Buoyed up by the explosion in fan boy culture, the word is used unapologetically and everyone gets excited.  

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