HOLLYWOOD – Legendary Hollywood movie exec Sonny Bunkstein has awoken from a 30 year coma and instantly green lit a sensual thriller starring Michael Douglas and Kathleen Turner.
Bunkstein called our office literally minutes after his hasty and ill-advised exit from the hospital to boast about his new project. Up-beat and full of his trademark charm, the once all powerful movie mogul was apparently unaware and uninterested in how much time had passed since his fall into a vegetative state after a plane crash in 1984. The following interview was conducted by telephone as Bunkstein was rushed by limo to his office to ‘shake shit up’.
Bunkstein? Are you shitting me? This is a joke right?
No joke kid! I’m back. Let’s cut to the chase, I’m on my way to the office right now and I’ve got a hot property green lit and ready to go, you want to exec produce? Don’t say anything, just listen. It’s called Sex Drive, it’s about a hard edged former DEA agent who’s disgraced and looking for kicks, he falls in with a street racing crew who sideline as drug runners. He falls for the gang leader’s wife but can only get off when he’s driving. It’s literally sex on wheels. Douglas for the lead, Turner for the sassy drug runner mol.
Listen man, you’ve been out of the game for a while, it’s been years…
There’s only a few things I need to know; are the hip young guys still wearing tight ice white jeans with thin mustaches and big hair?
What was the last two things Douglas was in the news for?
He just played Liberace, it’s been winning awards actually. He’s pretty f*cking good in it.
Ha! classic Douglas! That dirty bastard, what else?
Before that I guess the big news was doing a tad too much yodeling in the canyon if you get my meaning. It made him kinda … unwell.
Okay, there you go, I don’t care if it’s, like 1992 or whatever! As long as shit still sells and Douglas is still a gash-hound, I’m in business. Listen, you’re breaking up. Get Turner on the phone. I don’t care what she’s doing just tell her to dress sassy and get to my office prepared to do a read through.
Sonny, I don’t work for you anymore, I’ve got my own thing going on…
Just make the call kid, do I have to remind you who saved your life that time Nick Nolte set you on fire? or when Peter Fonda put a hit out on you? Maybe I should cut Pete in on this instead.
Okay fine! I’ll call Turner. I’m sure she’s available, she always liked you Sonny.
God that broad gets me going. Okay, gotta go, Gonna hit up Burt Reynolds for that space movie we were talking about. It’s like Buck Rogers but with more sex, racing and sex. It’s a go picture!
At time of writing sources indicate that Michael Douglas is not picking up his phone, but Turner is on her way. More on this story as it develops.