HOLLYWOOD – Sofia Coppola is to direct a live action version of the Hans Christian Andersen fairy tale The Little Mermaid, promising a darker version of the original tale. Studio Exec has managed to obtain an early treatment written by Shame scribe Abi Morgan but modified heavily by the Lost in Translation director.
The Little Mermaid (Emma Watson-ish) lives in the Sea Kingdom with her father Francis Ford MerKing, an underwater visionary, director of the majorly famous The Codfather but who has lost his powers and takes meds and stuff. The Mermaid has all she wants, spending a lot of her time dressing up in Gucci and Armani and Dolce and Gabana and Valentino and you know clothes, but also kind of I want to say feeling empty inside, like tragic? One day she swims to the surface of the ‘ocean’ I suppose and she says this totes hot guy, who is an older guy perhaps (Jason Schwartzmen?), or maybe a younger guy (Zac Efron) who just doesn’t get her. Anyway she comes out of the water and sings karaoke with the prince to like these rad eighties songs and then does this crazy pole dance and then they get a bit sad (Air montage). Then you know they can’t be together because someone commits suicide, or overdoses on something I’m thinking. The End.
The Rich But Misunderstood Vertically Challenged and Ironically Self-Aware Mermaid will be released in 2015.