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Friday 30 October 2020
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SHYAMALAN REVEALS NEW TWIST: ‘I’M NOT THE NEXT SPIELBERG’

SHYAMALAN REVEALS NEW TWIST: ‘I’M NOT THE NEXT SPIELBERG’
What?




HOLLYWOOD—Last week, the question as to why She’s All That was one of the worst teen comedies ever made was answered. It turns out After Earth director M. Night Shyamalan ghost-wrote the screenplay while he was supposed to be concentrating exclusively on the Stuart Little script.


Though no one asked him to confirm this, Shyamalan is trying to not be forgotten amidst his new film tanking at the box office and now being buried under the Man of Steel and This is the End.

But that’s not the only famous Shyamalan twist ending. His new twist? He doesn’t exist—at least not in the way we always thought.


What?



The organization, T. W. I. S. T. held a press conference last night to reveal that Indian-American Shyamalan was not the creator of any of the turgid suspense films that followed his debut The Sixth Sense. They revealed Shayamalan to be the puppet of action filmmaker Michael Bay hoping to spread his artistic wings.

“Bay knew that no one would ever take him seriously and that’s why he paid Shyamalan millions to keep quiet,” says John Dover, of T. W. I. S. T. “That an Academy Award nominee could have possibly made those terrible movies? I couldn’t believe it.”

The hoax went well for years; Bay was mildly successful with Unbreakable and Signs. But when The Villagecaused audience blindness in Arizona, Dover and the sceptics knew they had a hoax. The final straw came with 2010’s The Last Airbender, which is the only film that the Library of Congress has made a point of saying is not “culturally, historically, or aesthetically significant” and would never place in the U. S. National Film Registry.

“I mean, we don’t say that to every bad movie, but The Last Airbender was a special case,” confessed Max Hallman, a representative for the Library of Congress.


The real M. Night Shyamalan, who has admitted his role in the hoax, could not be reached for comment though Mr. Bay is said to be slouching toward Bethlehem again in an attempt to beg forgiveness of the Almighty. When the Almighty was questioned, He quipped “After Earth at least had some ambition, but Pain and Gain was a steaming turd of a movie.”
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