HOLLYWOOD – Indiana Jones 5 has just been announced and already the Studio Exec has received the leaked screenplay.
Here it is:
IT’S DARK. INDY IS HACKING AWAY THROUGH THE UNDERGROWTH WITH HIS MACHETE. HE REACHES A HIGH FENCE AND PRODUCES A PAIR OF WIRE CUTTERS FROM HIS JACKET. SUDDENLY WE HEAR THE SOUND OF A SIREN AND THE PLACE IS LIT UP BY FLOODLIGHTS. WE SEE A SIGN ON THE FENCE THAT READS ‘SHADY ACRES RETIREMENT HOME’.
A SILHOUETTE OF A FIGURE MOVES TOWARDS INDY. A FEMALE VOICE IS HEARD.
INDY CONTINUES USING THE CUTTERS ON THE FENCE
THE FIGURE COMES INTO FOCUS. IT’S A WOMAN IN A NURSES UNIFORM.
Put down the wire cutters Dr Jones and let’s get you back inside.
No. I must find the Ark before it falls into the hands of the Nazis
Now, Now Dr Jones. We’ve been through this. It’s 1985. The war has been over for 40 years.
There, there. Come with me back inside. We’re about to serve dinner and it’s your favourite tonight.
Meatloaf for main and treacle sponge and custard for dessert.
Sounds good but I still can’t come back inside.
Sure you can. You’ll eat a nice dinner then you can have a nice sit down in the social area. Don’t forget, it’s bingo night tonight.
You don’t understand. I’ve shit my pants and if I move it’s going to go everywhere.
Don’t you worry about that now. I’ll give you a nice hot sponge bath and we’ll get you some clean pants.
Ok fine. I’m coming.