INT: SONY HQ
It’s night. We are in an office full of computer monitors. A large man in a suit is playing Candy Crush on a Sony Viao. He grabs another doughnut from a Dunkin’ Donuts pack and slurps on a Starbucks Coffee.
Suddenly an alarm sounds. The man spills his coffee all over his laptop and goes over to the main console. An image of a skull and the words ‘You are being hacked by the Guardians of Peace. This is just the beginning.’ appears on the screen. The man stands there with his mouth open as the image spreads to every screen in the room.
BOND TITLE SEQUENCE
The Theme from Spectre: Sang by Rihanna
Images of swirling Sony Viao laptops, menacing skulls, exploding hashtags and seductive women.
M (Ralph Fiennes) is sat in his office talking across a desk to someone not in shot.
I don’t know which rock they found you under or who kicked it over. You look like hell, you smell like a Parisian whorehouse and judging by your last medical examination you should dropped dead from a heart attack two months ago. If it was my decision I’d have you pensioned out and sent to the retirement home for ex-assassins but unfortunately it’s out of my hands. You’re under contract to Sony and they asked for you personally so I suggest you go make yourself look like a blasted human being and meet me at Sony HQ in two hours.
The camera slowly pans to James Bond ( Daniel Craig) who is sat with his feet up on the desk wearing flip flops, Bermuda shorts and a Hawian shirt and shades. He’s drinking from a bottle of whisky and has a large unkempt beard.
Aw Christ. I’m getting too old for this shit.