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Tuesday 7 July 2020
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SCRIPT LEAK: AGE OF ULTRON

SCRIPT LEAK: AGE OF ULTRON
 
 
 
Int: Avengers HQ
 
Hulk and Thor are playing chess.


Thor
 
Knight to Queen 4. Check.
 
Hulk
 
GRR. HULK TAKE KNIGHT.
 
Thor
 
Ha-Har. Bishop to King 3. Check Mate!

Hulk punches Thor through the wall. The doorbell rings. Hulk starts eating the chess pieces. The doorbell rings again. Iron Man appears from the kitchen.
 
 
Iron Man
 
Christ do I have to do everything in this place? Hulk, stop eating the chess pieces and go keep an eye on my spaghetti sauce but if you mess with it, I’m going to put on my Hulkbuster armor and give you the beating of your life.
 
The Hulk sticks his tongue out, rasps at Iron Man and stomps into the kitchen. The doorbell rings again.
 
Iron Man
 
I’m coming, I’m coming keep your spandex pants on.
 
Iron Man opens the door and it’s Spider-Man
 
Spider-Man
 
Hey. How’s it going?

Iron Man
 
I’m sorry, do we know each other?

Spider-Man
 
No. But we’re both super heroes based in New York and I’d like to join the Avengers.
 
Iron Man
 
Sorry we’re not accepting applicants at this time.
 
Iron Man tries to shut the door but Spider-Man puts his body in the way.

Spider-Man
 
Woah. Stop. I’m a really good guy and I think I would be useful.

Iron Man
 
If we have any giant fly problems I’ll be sure to call you.

Iron Man tries to shut the door again
 
Spider-Man
 
Look! I’ve brought my portfolio. Take a peek. It’s impressive. Honest!


Spider-Man hands his portfolio around the door. Iron Man takes it, shuts the door and reads the portfolio.

Iron Man
 
Yadda, yadda, captured bad guys, blah blah averted a kidnapping. Oh wait, this is impressive. Stopped a giant Lizard from destroying New York. How come I never heard about this?
 
Spider- Man
 
(From behind the door) I’m from the Sony pictures version of the Marvel Universe. I would have been from yours but I was sold for a chunk of change years ago back when nobody gave a damn about Superhero movies.
 
Iron Man opens the door
 
Iron Man
 
The Sony version?. Are you saying there are two parallel universes existing side by side.

Spider-Man
 
There’s more than two. I met a guy a few weeks ago called Wolverine he’s practically immortal and has these indestructible claws. He claimed he was from a place called 20th Century Fox.
 
 
Iron Man
 
This is all very interesting. Come on in, sit down. Have you eaten I’m making spaghetti?
 
Spider-Man
 
I can’t come in.
 
Iron Man
 
Why not.
 
 
Spider-Man
 
Well, I can but first you have to buy me out of my contract to Sony.

Iron-Man
 
And how much will that cost?

Spider-Man
 
They told me around 100 million. Probably more if The Amazing Spider-Man 3 does well at the box office.

Iron Man
 
I see. Why do you want to get away from Sony so badly?

Spider-Man
 
Well I just think it’s kinda stupid. We’re all superheros, we all live in New York and yet I can never work with, meet or make a reference to any Marvel character that isn’t contracted to Sony. It’s lonely being the only hero in the Universe. I want to make some friends and exchange crime fighting tips. Maybe go for a beer occasionally.
 
Iron Man
 
I see. That’s a sad story.

Spider-Man
 
I’m glad you understand.
 
Iron Man
 
You must cry a lot.
 
 
Spider-Man
 
Every day.
 
 
Iron Man
 
Well as I said I’d love to help you but we’re pretty full around here and we have plenty of guys with superhuman strength and this web slinging gimmick seems a bit flimsy.If you see that Wolverine guy again tell him to come over though he sounds great!
 
Iron Man shuts the door

Spider-Man

No. Wait!
 
 
 
Fin
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3 thoughts on “SCRIPT LEAK: AGE OF ULTRON

  1. Anonymous

    This is fake. Spider man won’t be an avenger, but they are adding quicksilver and scarlet witch.

    Reply

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