Saturday 25 January 2020
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NEW YORK- Martin Scorsese has signed on to direct a Donald Trump biopic currently being written by Raging Bull and Taxi Driver writer, Paul Schrader.


The Studio Exec has managed to acquire an excerpt from the explosive screenplay:


INT: Trump Towers. 11.45pm. 1987


Donald Trump is sat on the toilet with his pants around his ankles… eating a cheeseburger. He is talking to an anonymous person on the phone.




So I was out on the course, hitting balls and minding my own f*cking business when this f*cking Jew broad comes up to me with a camera.

I said “Ho! Sweetheart! What I am the f*cking Cosby Show? Get that f*cking camera out of my face or I’ll give you something to remember me by.”

And so she said, in a f*cking heartbeat. “Oh yeah. Well hows about your dick gives my ass something to remember you by.” And I was like. Ho! this broad’s got some big f*cking balls on her, maybe she deserves a taste of Trump.

And you know me, normally I don’t go for those dykey looking chicks but I thought, screw it, I could do with getting my dick wet and I’ll just take a drop shot when I get back.

So we go into one of these little bathroom cubicles and she bends over the toilet like she thinks i’m going to f*ck her.

I said “Ho! I ain’t got time for that i’m in the middle of 18 holes, just get on your knees and stick it in your mouth.”

And so she said, swear to god. “I don’t do that. I just let guys screw me in the ass. Nothing more.”

And I was like, “Listen sweetheart, five years ago I’d be in like the Mighty Quinn but how do I know you’re not some AIDS riddled hooker and my dick ain’t gonna fall off?”

Then from out of nowhere, wham! She turns around and slaps me square in the jaw and starts screaming “How dare you call me a hooker! I went to Princeton!”, or some f*cking thing.

And then she’s like “I want 10,000 G’s or I’m going to tell the cops you raped me.” and she barges past me, opens the door and keeps on going.

So you know me, this ain’t my first rodeo but there’s no way I’m cutting a cheque for this bitch. I’ve got to draw a line in the sand or these f*cking vultures are going to keep on circling.

Which is why I’m calling you. I was thinking, I don’t know, maybe she crosses the street tomorrow and gets hit by a truck?

Yeah? Alright. I’ll get those details over to.

Thanks Dad. Give Mom a kiss from me. 


‘Trump’ is due for release in 2020. 

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